Describe the Weirdest Person You Know

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

No fair describing yourself. I know we’re all weird here. Instead, describe the person who is weirdest from your point of view–bonus points if it’s someone you can’t help but like.

The answer to this question for me is a college friend named Dennis. He is a brilliant, bizarre man who majored in psychology and Japanese–both a science geek and a Japanophile. Six feet tall, pretty good-looking, and ripped. He graduated with a 4.0 from an excellent school and is a vast compendium of information. Unfortunately, he fails to discern between good information and bad information. At least, he might not be able to discern–it’s hard to tell whether he believes half the shit he says, cuz he always laughs when he says it.

He’s always spouting these bizarre conspiracy theories but you can’t take anything he says seriously so you’re constantly wondering does he really believe this shit? For example, the theory about AIDS not being caused by the HIV virus – he talked about it a lot. Or aliens living under volcanoes in Ecuador. Or he would get involved in weird spiritual pseudo-religious theories, like one in which he became convinced that anything bad that happened to any person was subconsciously desired by said person. So even though he had tons of casual sex, he would never use protection because he was convinced he could not get an STD unless he wanted to. He loves talking about controversial things – like he’d comment casually in the middle of a conversation that nuclear war would probably be a good thing for society.

He’s also vehemently against the concept of monogamy and very misogynistic, with weird ideas about how relationships should be. Essentially, women should do all the housework and behave submissively and children should be raised by their grandparents. I lived with him for a year (along with four other guys), and he is a total slob. He’s also vainly obsessed with his body and so he would make these protein shakes every morning using the blender. He was too lazy to use the blender with the lid on it, though, so the stuff would go all over the kitchen and he would leave it there to fester. One morning when I cleaned the kitchen, he remarked, ‘‘Wow, you might not make such a terrible mother after all!’’

He loves making people feel sexually uncomfortable. He gets a kick out of prudishness. So he would walk around the house wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, and he would go into the bedroom of the most sexually repressed male in the house and just start pacing around and spouting his bizarre theories. While eating and moaning.

You see, when he eats, he makes a ‘‘nom nom nom’’ sound that at times sounds like he’s bordering on orgasm – and it’s loud enough you can hear it from several rooms away. He also chews and talks with his mouth open.

He borrowed my Shakira CD one day and never gave it back.

Living with him drove me absolutely fucking nuts.

He ended up going to teach English in Japan. When we heard the rumor that he had hit it off with a stripper who was somehow involved with the Russian mafia, we weren’t surprised in the least. He’s been living in Japan for about four years now. About two years ago, when he came home to visit, he took me and my husband and some other friends out to dinner. One of the first things he commented on was how fat we (the ladies at the table) would be considered in Japan. Then he told us about his trip to Cambodia and how he paid $25 to shoot a chicken with a bazooka.

Here’s the kicker. I actually like the guy and consider him a friend. You couldn’t pay me a million dollars to live with him ever again, but he’s actually a fascinating person to talk to. He has a kind of charisma and endless self-confidence. Most people who know him like him – he’s endlessly entertaining. It’s just a constant game of ‘‘What will he say next?’’ He knows he’s weird and he doesn’t give a shit – he’s amused by his own weirdness and I have to respect that. And he has a great sense of humor. He’s the sort of person you can spend three hours having a hilarious, interesting conversation with – as long as you don’t take a damn thing he says seriously.

But god help that poor stripper.

2

I have no idea what you’re talking about. :slight_smile:

3

I know a lot of weird people but probably the strangest one is “Luke”. “Luke” is a Mormon math whiz who always wears an orange jacket, sandals, and knee-high socks. He loves hard science fiction and Winnie the Pooh. Also one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, he’ll always give you a hug if you’re feeling down. He’s currently doing missionary work in Eastern Europe so I haven’t seen him in a while.

4

I work with autistic people so I won’t contribute, despite having many, many examples. I’ve known some very weird, wonderful people. There was this one guy…

No, I won’t do it.

5

The trash guy. I love him but people think he is weird because he is in his 80’s and hunched over and picks up trash off the streets daily. He keeps the town looking spiffy and doesn’t bother anyone. Somedays I see him hauling two large garbage bags of litter up the street. He is only about 5 feet tall and 100 pounds.

6

I have a friend who is like Tony Randall in the Odd Couple.
The guy is a true neat freak. This individual keeps nothing around that is not needed. If he needs some screws, he will buy a pack, use three, and discard the rest. The house is cleaned constantly. There are no rugs or carpets to gather dust. Don’t even think about wearing shoes in the house. I have learned to adjust to his quirks while working with him at his house at times. In fact, I have come to appreciate some of what he does. For people who work with electronics or computers, you will understand this. I took the man’s six year old computer apart and there was no dust inside. It had never been opened before. I can’t believe that this is even possible. I have had to reconsider how I live in terms of becoming more efficient and cleaning up my act.

7

My example was someone that I worked with for 17 years that was autistic (though whether he was very autistic or slightly autistic, I have no idea as I have no basis for comparison). I can’t think of any “OMG you have to hear about this guy” examples, but just the culmination of knowing him for 17 years…wow. Wait, there is one example. He liked to drink (in moderation of course) and the bar that he frequented was a couple miles away from his house. He would take the bus there, but walk home, one day his mother asked him if he was ever worried about walking home alone at night through a not necessarily bad, but not real great neighborhood, his response “Mom, I’m 6 foot 4, I weigh 280 lbs and I talk to myself…no one’s gonna bother me”
Yeah, he talked to himself, a lot, out loud. When he would get stressed out, which was pretty often, it didn’t take much to set him off, we’d hear him in the back (walk in) cooler doing some sort of primal screaming.

8

olives, I know a guy with very similar traits to your friend. He actually is/was my husbands best friend and was the best man at our wedding. Over the last 10 years, it’s been a true love/hate relationship with us, with me cycling between both extremes over the years. Right now I’m pretty indifferent to him.

He’s very conceited, and he is sort of good looking in the face, and great body, but the personality, ugh! He’s VERY picky when it comes to his girlfriends and will drop them of any conceived flaw, such as her having too much peach fuzz on her lower back or a speck of cellulite. This is why we are very surprised that he’s still with his current g/f and they’ve been together for almost two years. Though, because of her job, they are apart six months of the year, so that might help.

I’ll just summarize a few of the things about him that shock me:

  1. His tolerance for pain and that he seems to seek it. For instance, I went skiing with him (he’s a great skier, almost pro, probably due to his fearlessness) one weekend and he pulled a stupid move and broke his tibia. He refused to call ski patrol and actually skied all the way down (we were on the back of the mountain too). Two hour drive back home and he refused to go to the hospital, he went home to ‘sleep it off’. He did eventually go, two days later, and they put a cast on, which he immediately removed. Also, he does things like dig out his moles and warts himself (non-sterilized, of course), and if he gets a pimple or ingrown hair, he pretty much slaughters himself. He got blood poisoning a few months ago from a self surgery and so cut himself near the end of the infection and tried to ‘push’ all the infection out. Not sure if he ended up seeking medical attention, but he’s still alive, so…

  2. The way he treats women, including his girlfriend. A few months ago he’s talking to his g/f on the phone while at our house. We were watching Spike or something (network for guys) and some commercial comes on with some woman in skimpy clothes. He is in the middle of a sentence to his g/f when he yells 'Holy shit, look at the tits on her. I’d love to stick my dick…(etc., you get the drift). You hear his g/f going ‘Hello, are you there still?’ and he ignores for a few moments and then goes ‘Yeah, I’m here with a hard on, what were you saying?’ tbh, she must be nuts for staying with him too.

  3. His lack of morals. He steals, plays destructive pranks, and really doesn’t care about the health and well being of anyone. He thinks it’s fun to get drunk (and drive) and toss bricks or rocks at cars as he drives by them. He goes to peoples houses in the middle of the night and opens up the sprinkler system so their lawn is flooded. He once spent two hours peeling the newly laid sod off a guys lawn and putting it into his driveway (not only a hassle, but partially ruined the sod). He feels no remorse.

  4. He also spouts off about how if someone gets a disease, or cancer, they deserve it and they should die. His sister had cancer about five years ago and he told her to her face that he hoped she died so he wouldn’t have to hear her complain about her treatment. He is very serious about this.

  5. Racist, racist, racist, though he’s friends with people of all races. He’s very vocal about his feelings however.

But the thing is, he also does very sweet, caring things for the people he truly cares about. He worked an extra job for six months to pay off his mom’s debt and get her on her feet after his parents divorced. He’s helped me out more times then I can count. He donates a ton of toys to the kids toy drive every Christmas. I just don’t know how he lives in that brain of his.

9

Oh, man. Yeah, Dennis is that way too. He had this beautiful girlfriend from Russia back when we were living under the same roof, sweet, kind, waited on him hand and foot, and the minute she walked out the door all he could talk about was her minute physical flaws.

This guy you know sounds like a total jackass. And so does mine, probably. It’s so weird the people you end up falling in with sometimes.

10

The guy in the OP sounds like someone who’d make me want to kill people, starting with him and ending with him.

11

He’s all right in small doses. It’s the whole ‘‘cohabitation’’ thing that leads to the contemplation of homicide.

12

I know a person who is definitely weird. He’s mostly straight, but sometimes engages in gay relationships. For most of his life he was functionally illiterate but is now the most ‘well read’ person I’ve ever met. He spends his time (away from work) drinking cheap booze and watching crappy DVD’s, but if you were to engage him in any discussion he would have a considered and thoughtful response to it. He doesn’t watch TV, but is still right up there with current affairs and political nous. For any Trivia exercise, he’ll beat most hands down.

He rides a motorbike, but doesn’t subscribe to the biker culture. He likes to grow stuff in the garden, but hates to cook. He’s the laziest bastard in the entire country, and he’s my kid.

:stuck_out_tongue:

13

Tim is a 50-ish man who is essentially homeless. In our town of 9,000 people, everybody knows him, but most just know him as the tall cowboy with the pony tail and red/grey beard who always has 2 pistols strapped on. He has an auto detail business, though it is a very poor source of income. For $60 he will take your car into the rental unit and give you the best car detail you’ve ever had. For a few years he lived in an apartment up above some businesses downtown. That’s how we got to know him–he would walk around downtown and go into Mrs. Hollister’s shop and bug the living hell out of everyone in there.

When he was about a year behind on his $200/month rent, the owner finally evicted him. That’s when he started living in his truck in the park. Of course, he wouldn’t sell his computer or his guns or give up his cigarettes. As winter came on, the pharmacist allowed him to live upstairs. There was only one light and very poor heat, but it was better than his truck. As winter came to an end, the owner of the building realized what the pharmicist was doing and told Tim he’d have to leave as soon as Spring came because it wasn’t appropriate housing and he was worried about insurance.

Mrs. Hollister & I would search the classifieds for jobs for him. When we’d find something he could do, we’d let him know about it. He would always thank us, but let us know that God would take care of him and his business would be taking off any time now. We asked him why he didn’t move to Florida with his sister. She & her husband are loaded and have extra rooms in their house. He said they didn’t really get along after his grandma died and she wouldn’t have him. Then she asked him to come down there with her and he told her that God would take care of him and his business would be taking off any time now.

Tim started hanging out in the diner. The owner of the diner felt bad for him and “hired” him to keep the place clean and be a live-in security guard. So for the last 18 months or so, Tim has lived in the diner. When the diner closes at 3, he sweeps & mops and cleans the kitchen. He can be seen sitting at the counter late in the evening with the computer screen glowing.

14

You don’t want to know. I’ll just say he’s locked up for the rest of his natural life for very good reasons.

No bonus points for him, either.

15

Wow. Homelessness always breaks my heart. It sounds like there are enough people around who care about him to give him a few breaks though.

16

Back when I lived in NYC I worked with a guy who was around 50, and by far the weirdest person I’ve ever known.

Physically, he looked like these guys: egg-shaped body, pants up around his “equator,” knock-kneed. He also wore a little toupee which didn’t match his hair color, and he put it on a different way each day (sometimes the part would go from side to side). He also had no hair on the top surface of his arms, but there was hair on the bottom surface.

He had a phobia about stores . . . dealing with salespeople, checkout people, etc. As a result of this, he NEVER stepped foot inside any kind of store. His mother, in her 80s, who lived in Brooklyn, would bring him a week’s worth of food every Sunday on the subway. He said he had no idea how to shop for food in a supermarket.

He bought all of his clothing and anything else he needed mail-order (this was before home computers). And he never returned anything. Once he received a pair of shoes that were way too small, so rather than returning them, he cut off their toes. On his break at work, he’d sit there reading mail-order catalogs.

He wore clothes that were worn out, with holes and stains.

He once had to take care of a neighbor’s cat over a weekend, and he felt a constant anxiety over the enormous responsibility.

He didn’t own a tv or radio, never went to a movie, and had no hobbies. He had never gone on a vacation. In his free time he just sat at home and read things. We always wondered whether he had an enormous porn collection.

If you saw him walking down the street, you’d think he was a homeless person (except that he didn’t smell bad). But in fact he was a college graduate (English major) and made decent money.

He could engage in a normal conversation, so long as it wasn’t in any way personal.

He also had a phobia about anything even remotely sexual. Whenever the conversation moved into that area he got really uncomfortable, and said these things were “dirty” or “nasty.”

He didn’t remember the 60s at all; he had no memory of the entire decade. We assumed that he’d been institutionalized then.

It’s amazing how this guy had organized his life to accommodate his idiosyncrasies.

17

:eek::confused::D:D

Paul is a senior in my high school. He has earned himself the charming nickname “Goatfucker,” by doing just that - fucking a goat. Honestly, I dont see how one would manage something like that without some sort of injury… So if he didnt admit to it I probably wouldnt believe it. He has rampant fits of anger, during which he will stand up in the middle of class and scream at people about their immaturity (Ironic, yeah? These fits are usually fueled by people using his nickname.) He has quite a homely girlfriend, who wears a dog collar. When they’re together outside of school, he walks her around on a leash. She is still standing, but I dont think that makes it any better. He showed up to prom in some world war II looking military uniform, the decorative type.

I wish for his sake that I was making this up. Contrary to the previous posts who mention liking their wierdo, I do not and never have like goatfucker.

18

Forgot about another guy.

Robert worked in the cafeteria at the dorm where I lived my first 5 semesters of college. He never blinked, had a constant grin, a very red complexion, and salt & pepper hair. He was a very friendly sort of guy, but the only thing I heard him say for the first 2 or 3 semesters was hello. Well, he didn’t say, “Hello” or “Hi”–instead he waved at you by raising his right hand, making a fist and bobbing his finger up and down, like he was scratching, and said, “Heeerdy!”

He obviously had some sort of mental defect and the rumor around campus is that he was a chemistry student in the 70’s and tried to make his own LSD and it went pretty poorly. Occasionally, he would sit with some of the students and could carry on a pretty decent conversation, but mostly he’d just “Heerdy!” everybody.

19

I think my uncle Vic is the weirdest person I know. He’s done some amazingly cool things back in his misspent youth, including partying with rock stars, living in the jungle in South America, and devoting most of his 20s to his passion for skiing. But he is one weird dude. He’s never been married–he’s never even had a relationship. The closest thing to a relationship he ever had was his friendship with his cousin (who is also a bit of an odd duck). For awhile, he managed to live in Park City but eventually got tired of working and paying rent like a normal person, and he became obsessed with the Utah basin. That’s when things really started to go down hill for him.

He owns a piece of property out in the desert and he put a trailer on it. It’s a shitty trailer with no A/C or running water out in the middle of the desert. He lives there by himself. He drinks heavily (mostly Coke and whiskey), and he smokes pot constantly. He is convinced Obama is going to take his guns away, and he thinks Rush Limbaugh is a God. He’s convinced he saw terrorists attempt to attack Park City during the 2002 Games, but that the Government intercepted them and shot down the plane and that the media is suppressed the story (he saw a light in the sky in the vague direction of Park City from over 200 miles away, and assumed it was a terrorist bomb. He’s serious. He convinced my grandma that it’s true–in hindsight that should have been the first sign of her dementia but she always believed every stupid thing he said so we didn’t see anything unusual with it).

He carries weapons onto government property, mainly state parks, with his copy of the Constitution. One year, he printed out a copy of the Constitution and gave it to me for Christmas (well, he made my sister print it out on her printer). He collects guns and he’s helping my grandfather prepare to go “off the grid” so when Obama brings about the end of civilization, they will be ready for it.

When his cousin got married, they went on a honeymoon to the desert. He accompanied them. I know it doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, but it weirds me out more than anything (incidentally, the cousin’s wife could be said cousin’s sister. They look exactly alike, like he could only fall in love with his clone).

He’s very enthusiastic and wants to talk to people, but it’s like he has no idea how to actually be interesting. He’ll tell these long, complex stories that go on and on forever, but have no real point, or are clearly just results of his delusions. He’s very kind and has a big heart, when he’s not going through one of his more crazy stages. When I was 15, he sold me his Scout for like $50 and I discovered about 2 dozen packs of Marlboro Reds in the backseat. He also taught me how to drive in the snow, and helped me get over some of my fear about that. On the other hand, when he corners me, I know I have to settle in for the long haul.

The sad thing is, when he’s sober he’s a really nice guy. I spent the 4th of July with him last year and he was perfectly pleasant. I really enjoyed his company. But that was a rare exception.

20

Take your pick:

Mark, the mama’s boy who seems perpetually desperate for friendship. We were in the same homeless shelter for a while; he’d pursue the better looking ladies in the shelter by day and every night jerk off before going to sleep. Yet shaking hands with him makes one concerned they’ll break his.

James, the bipolar paranoid with a habit of completely misinterpreting things. Once shared a house with him and some other guys. Brought home some Easter ham that he picked up from somewhere and told us to “have as much as we want”, then called the cops when we didn’t leave him any. Also told the cops–and his parents–that I assaulted him when in reality we were on opposite sides of the kitchen; I was just strongly urging him to go out the kitchen door and cool off. He did go, which is when he called the cops.

David, the 30-something gay man who thinks all men are either out closeted. Had all his teeth pulled instead of getting them fixed and refuses to wear dentures.

Jacqueline, the tall-tale telling drunk. Claims, at times, to have known Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings. Will find employment for a while, typically as a security guard, then go on a binge and find a reason to quit.

Nancy, her housemate and enabler. Nancy is the breadwinner and does everything around their home while Jacqueline lays about with a supposedly bad back and ordering Nancy around. This has resulted in Nancy poo-pooing my very real bad back and telling my SO that I’m lazy.

Jacqueline and Nancy had a habit of welcoming me into their home one minute then telling my SO that they’re afraid of me and to stay out the next. I know David told them that he caught me strangling a cockatiel that belongs to my SO and me; what David really saw was me holding the bird’s beak in an attempt stop its biting and he jumped to conclusions.