Designated Hitler

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

Maybe it’s the glasses, but by brain seems keen to amuse me by replacing words with near matches on first glance. I saw the ‘Designated Hitter’ piece as ‘Designated Hitler’ and instantly got a vision of people arguing over who got to be the Hitler for the day.

“Aaawww man, but you got to be the Hitler last time!”

My favourite was walking past a poster in London and cracking up because for an instant it read ‘Dove’s new masturbating creme’ - ‘moisturising creme’ was much less insteresting. Yes, I did get a lot of funny looks.

I figured I can’t be alone in this, so what’s your best misreading - or mishearing if you’re more prone to those?

#2

Just had one tonight. Some class action lawsuit ad on the TV and I thought the words said, “If you’ve been treated for assholes…”…well, it was asbestos.

Come to think of it, I didn’t do that before my glasses. But they’re Armani, so I can see AND they make me snobbier…

#3

I do this a lot. The funniest was when I passed a hardware store and somehow misread “light bulbs” on the reader board as “yul brynner.” :confused:

“Designated Hitler” would be a great name for a punk band.

#4

I do this on this board CONSTANTLY. Especially late at night.

Anybody know who Bob Shepperd is? Picture him saying this:

“Now batting… the designated hitter… number 32, Adolf… Hitler. Number 32.”

#5

WHen I was a kid, I was driving out of state with my mother, down South, and we whizzed past a restaurant that we didn’t have yet in New York City, a Kentucky Fried Chicken, whose slogan I misread as “It’s Fucking Good!”

I cracked up completely but couldn’t bring myself to tell my mother what it was I found so rip-roaring funny (see the “Did you ever get your mouth washed out with soap?” thread.)

#6

I kept thinking the McDonalds bus ads for the “Big N Tasty” said “Big Nasty.” I mentioned it to my husband and he cracked up and said “Me too!”

#7

I haven’t been to Yankee Stadium in a few years. Is he still alive?

#8

Yep, Bob Sheppard’s still there.

You realize, of course, that they only use the Designated Hitler in the National Socialist League…

Zev Steinhardt

#9

My dad came home from the gracery store bemoaning the moral decline of America… seems they had the gall to sell something called “Soft Bitch” cookies… I wonder if they were in the same area as “Soft Batch” cookies?

#10

Mrs. Bernse and I were looking for some curtains (or was it a table cloth?) at Sears last year. We both saw, what we were sure was “White Trash” as a color choice.

Our double-take actually confirmed it to be “White Thatch.”

Yeah, happens to me all the time.

#11

When you play baseball alone, you play baseball with Hitler!

JOIN A BASEBALL TEAM TODAY!

#12

When I was in England, I would always do a double take whenever I saw the fcuk store. Are they allowed to have such a name? Crazy Brits!

#13

I used to work at a restaurant that used “Golden Crisp” oil in the fryers. For some reason, I misread it as “Golden Christ.”

We were cooking with the Lord…

#14

This isn’t a visual thing, but tonight the boi mentioned his “genitalia” (you figure out the context) and I heard it as “gentleman tailor.”

Don’t ask me how that works. At least my going deaf is useful for amusement value.

#15

As did I, and my parents, and my brother.

#16

Fortunately, Bob Sheppard is still going. A year or two ago, he celebrated 50 years as the Yankees’ P.A. announcer. When they called him to the mic at the ceremony, I was amazed to hear that he actually talks like that. Whenever I imitate a public address guy, I try to sound like him. Nobody ever gets it, of course. :wink:

#17

As a Red Sox fan, I can’t stand the Yankees, but Bob Sheppard is truly one of the great and most recognizable voices of baseball. I gotta get back there early next season while I can still enjoy him.

#18

“Now batting for A. Hitler, Sir Oswald Mosley, the British Bulldog”

#19

Seen on a sign while driving in Texas:

"Mom! Have your child’s picture taken with Satan!"

Creeped me out so bad I turned around, drove back by, and discovered they had mysteriously changed it to read: “Mom! Have your child’s picture taken with Santa!”

#20

Ah, I love hearing how others’ minds twist things on them. Nice to know I’m not alone in this.

My all time favourite was a sign on a restroom door at a place I used to work. Since I wasn’t paying attention, what I thought I read was

Check your personalities before leaving

Naturally, I had to go back and see if I’d really seen that. Turns out the sign actually said

Check your personal items before leaving

I liked the first one better.