The rain fell all about him as he searched around the building with his eyes, trying to find an entrance. The building itself was barely visible, obscured by the rain and whisps of fog that encircled it. However, no matter where he looked, he could see no entrance, no break in the chain-link fense topped by barbed-wire which encircled the building. He decided there must be a break somewhere around the back, or at least a hole or a section without the barbed wire on top. He set out, walking along the fence with determination, telling himself “There MUST be, there HAS to be, how am I supposed to get in if the fence is solid all the way around? It makes no sense…there MUST be, there HAS to be…” As he came to a curve in the fence, he noticed something just around it. At first, it looked like one solid mass, but as he rounded the corner, he could see that it was more than one mass. As he drew nearer, he realised that they were people, 7 or 8 of them, all sitting in a huddle facing one another, their heads bowed and their eyes downcast. He jogged to them. “Excuse me” He asked “Do you know of a way in?” But hey said nothing, not even looking up at him. “I said, do you know of a way in???” He said in a louder voice. Still, they did not respond, not even acknowledging his very existence. “Can you hear me? Do you know I am talking to you?” He practically shouted at them. But they said nothing, did nothing. “Oh well” He muttered “I’ll find my own way in.” He took off at a power walk, continuing his course along the fence. He came to the back of the building, opposite to where he had first been. He began to get a sinking feeling inside, but he reassured himself “There’s still half a fence I haven’t checked yet, there’s GOT to be a way in somewhere.” He continued his walk around the fence, at every turn hoping to see a break in it, but at every turn he was dissappointed.
Finally, he came back to the spot from which he had first started out. “No, no…this isn’t possible!” He shouted out loud, “There HAS to be a way in!” He ran frantically to the fence and kicked it. “Just FALL why don’t you?” He yelled at it. He was suddenly burning up inside. He stamped his foot on the ground, shouting at the top of his lungs. He clenched his fists angrily, and then the fence, which he shook violently. He pulled at it, then tore at his own hair, shouting. He kicked and shook the fence angrily for several minutes, every time, though, it was hopeless, and each successive kick drained the energy from his body.
He calmed down, finally, steadying himself with several deep breaths. He fell on his knees and thrust his head back, looking skyward. “Have mercy!” He prayed, but his voice was drowned out by the ever increasing rain. “Help me!” He shouted dozens of prayers skyward, but with each new prayer, the rain seemed only to increase. The sound it created overwhelmed his voice, and he began to frow numb from the cold. “What did I do to deserve this?” He asked, as if expecting some kind of reply from the grey mass overhead. It’s only response was more rain.
He got up and stumbled towards the fence agin, walked along it for a ways, then fell to the grass. There was no answer from Heaven. There never would be. He began to realize, and suddenly he knew it for sure. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he lay on his side in the grass. “It’s not FAIR! It’s not FAIR!” He repeated continually, but with ever time the words left his lips, they seemes to grow softer and more faded. Finally, he became little more than a moaning heap on the ground, his mouth moving continually, but producing no sound. “Why? Why?” they moved to form the words, but none were uttered, the breath draining from his body. All meaning of the words had been exhausted, he could no longer see the building in the distance, the goal for which he had aimed. Did it matter anymore? Did anything?
Finally, his sobbing subsided. He had cried every last tear that was in him. He picked himself up calmly, not seeming to care about the drenched clothes that stuck to his body, or the mud and grass that clung to his side. He simply walked calmly through the rain, as if the path that he was taking had been designated him for all his life. He walked, unrelentingly, towards the figures that sat in the field. He did not seem to notice or care about anything else, the rain drenching him still more. He finally reached these figures, who moved slightly to accomidate him, without looking up. He sat down with them, and turned his head in imitation of the others. And so there he sat with the other figures, all with their heads bowed and their eyes downcast, united in their silence.
Vlad
“All we ever want is that first time high.” (Sweet Nothing)