Wacky neighbors, dim-witted sidekicks, and rebellious anti-heroes are all recurring features on TV shows. But I’m more interested this evening characters who are more genuinely–well, let’s just say “special.” So let’s name some, along with the mental illnesses you think they suffer from and the therapy or drugs you think they should be on.
Silliness, as ever, is encouraged. But shame on anyone who says “Adrian Monk”; that’s just TOO easy, unless you have some special (or specially funny) insight.
I’ll start by naming some characters for others to diagnose:
Ally McBeal
Chloe from 24
Joxur from Xena
Fred from Angel
Allie of course, along with Maris from Friends needs to undergo some eating disorder counselling and be given a season’s pass to a MegaBar somewhere. The others I’m afraid I don’t know enough about to diagnose or prescribe cure, so I’ll add-
Mr. Whipple clearly suffers from some form of transference disorder. What is the Charmin to him? My guess: it’s a combination of his mother’s breast and also a holdover from being potty trained too young (natural tie-in). Lots of fifty minute hours on the couch and some Zoloft in megadoses.
Miz Jane- okay, Boopy, you need to deal. The only men you seem to have crushes on are the asexual Mr. Biddle and Jethro, who in addition to being half your age is borderline retarded- in other words, two guys who are altogether unattainable and thus totally safe and allow you to keep from coming out of the closet. Honey, wake up and smell the possum innards- the next time Granny goes to doctorin’ down Hooterville way (the very name calls you, deny it not) go with it, for there’s a perfect little career oriented lifepartner who wants to be your guest for life at the Junction and you’ll finally both know some satin sheet pleasure. And don’t worry about protection, you’ll be long out of new episodes before there’s anything out there to worry about. And eat some carbs, woman!
You either have a very strange way of spelling MONICA or an even weirder way of spelling FRASIER.
Please Lord Gaudere, don’t let me make any typos in this post…
