Did/does shaming children ever work to get them to eat?

[kayaker]

@brainstall

I didn’t have the words to articulate why I wouldn’t eat them, just that I didn’t like them. But isn’t that a good enough reason?

The first time my son tried rhubarb, he took one taste and said he hated it. Fine, but our agreement was that logically he should be able to express why he hated it. He took several small tastes, repeatedly saying it was just nasty.

I realized he was trying to think of the word “tart”. But he’d try some and describe it as “sour”, then he’d realize that it wasn’t really sour, it was something else. I eventually gave in and asked if “tart” was the word he was looking for, and it was, but he was reaching for seconds at that point.

He’s 21 now and loves my rhubarb. My secret (and the reason my gf hates it) is no added sugar.

[Annie-Xmas]

This is one of my soap box issues–Forcing children to eat. All you are doing is setting the child up for weight problems later on.

I was eating with my great niece and her four year daughter. When the child got up to leave the table, her mother asked “Aren’t you going to eat some more?” She replied “I’m not hungry.” Her mother said “Well, just a little more”

I said “If she’s not hungry, do not tell her to eat.” Mother said “I don’t want her to get hungry later.”

The child marched over to her mother, put her feet firmly planted on the ground and her hands on her hips and announced “If I get hungry later, I’ll eat later.” She then marched out of the kitchen.

I cracked up.

[Tom_Tildrum]

@Annie-Xmas

The child marched over to her mother, put her feet firmly planted on the ground and her hands on her hips and announced “If I get hungry later, I’ll eat later.”

When they’re trying to leave the house. When it’s bedtime. When it’s 2:30 a.m.

I don’t like cajoling my three-year-old to eat or tying his doing so to small privileges, but I also have to live with the consequences of not doing so, which can include him and me getting up in the middle of the night because he’s had nightmares.

I guess I’m saying that we need to be attentive to our principles, but also to keep in mind that the ultimate point is to raise a happy child.

[Left_Hand_of_Dorkness]

@Annie-Xmas

This is one of my soap box issues–Forcing children to eat. All you are doing is setting the child up for weight problems later on.

Is there any evidence that this is true?

[nightshadea]

my foster parents and I had this running battle for the year in a half but the food they ate were rural southern what they call "soul food " these days years

but when I was a kid I didn’t eat much …funny most of what I didn’t eat back then I like now with the exception of rutabaga and okra…

[kayaker]

@Left_Hand_of_Dorkness

Is there any evidence that this is true?

I’m sure there have been studies retrospectively looking at the morbidly obese and every possible lifetime correlation. If I weren’t a lazy fuck I’d search for a cite one way or the other, but I think that should be done by the poster who suggested some sort of cause/effect.

[JohnT]

The more interesting question is “Does shaming children ever work?” and our thoughts on using shame as a behavior modifier.

Other than being Catholic ( ), there was a time in which I used shame on Sophia… or, better said, allowed it to be used on her… and yes, it completely changed her behavior.

For the longest time, she absolutely refused to brush or comb her hair, and it was a constant battle with her mother about this. (I thought Sophia looked cute with her hair the way it was - it gave her a really 70s hippy flower child look that was adorable.) Regardless, in regards to hair, my home was like the Western Front in 1917 - positions never moved and you could time the flare ups like clockwork except when one or the other party had decided they had. HAD. ENOUGH!

One day my wife turned to me and angrily asked “Why don’t you ever help me with this?”

“Eh, this isn’t my battle and she has obviously decided we’re full of shit on this one, so why bother? The other kids will change her mind soon enough - one day, she’ll come home either quiet or mad, storm into the bathroom, and brush her hair for an hour, and all this will be over because some little shit will say something and absolutely embarrass her. So I don’t need to do a thing but wait.”

“You’re going to let her get humiliated like that?”

“No, honey, she is. We’ve tried teaching her this lesson, she doesn’t want to hear it from us. But she’ll listen to others.”

And that’s exactly what happened. She came home one day, obviously upset, and locked herself in the bathroom and came out with smooth hair, combed and treated ever since. And we love having Sophia with us, so seeing that broke our hearts a little bit, watching her grow up in yet another way.

(Now I’ve made myself sad…)

Regardless, dammit, shame worked in that instance!

[Urbanredneck]

@Annie-Xmas

This is one of my soap box issues–Forcing children to eat. All you are doing is setting the child up for weight problems later on.

I was eating with my great niece and her four year daughter. When the child got up to leave the table, her mother asked “Aren’t you going to eat some more?” She replied “I’m not hungry.” Her mother said “Well, just a little more”

I said “If she’s not hungry, do not tell her to eat.” Mother said “I don’t want her to get hungry later.”

The child marched over to her mother, put her feet firmly planted on the ground and her hands on her hips and announced “If I get hungry later, I’ll eat later.” She then marched out of the kitchen.

I cracked up.

What’s that line

“I want to raise my daughter up to be a strong, assertive woman - just not right now when she’s 5”.

Anyways I wanted to add to that when we prepared a meal it wasnt a suggestion - it was the rule to come down and eat. My son would refuse to come down after I asked so we just finished and put the food away. He came down later and said he was hungry but I said too bad… this isnt a restaurant where you get to pick when you want to eat.