Did I Answer The Phone "Thank You For Calling, My Name is Imbecile"? kind of long

The BBQ Pit
1

I work as a fraud analyst at a major credit card issuer. It’s my job to detect and prevent credit card fraud.

Since our applications department is so hungry for new accounts that they don’t verify things as well as they should, it falls on my department’s shoulders to catch fraudlent applications. If something seems fishy, we’ll send out a letter to the prospective customer asking them to call and verify the application.

Standard procedure on these calls is to verify ALL account information-name, address,phone number, social security number, date of birth, place of employment, etc-through a series of databases we have. Put it this way, give me your home phone number and I can tell you where you live, all your previous addresses, etc.

So, I get this call today. A guy on the phone who sounds about sixteen years old. Date of birth on the application? 1947

It went a little something like this…

me : Sir, what is your date of birth?
Lyng sack of shit : May 12, 1947
m : And how old are you? (According to his date of birth, he SHOULD be 54)
lsos : Forty two
m : You’re forty two? (incredulous voice)
lsos : Yeah (snide voice)
m : And you were born in 1947?
lsos : Didn’t you hear me the first time?

[sub]Now I decide to fuck with him. It’s bad enough he’s trying to commit fraud but thinking I’m too stupid to catch him? Now he’s going down in flames…[/sub]

m : Ok Sir, according to you application, you currently live at 100 Assclown Dr, Bumblefuck Il?
lsos : Yes
m : And where did you live at before you moved there?
lsos : I don’t remember
m : You don’t remember where you previously lived?
lsos : No
m : Did you have a head injury that caused you to lose any long term memory? I know I can recall at least the city and state of my previous homes.
lsos : Look bitch, I don’t remember!
[sub]Ok, now I’m even more pissed. [/sub]
m : Ok, Sir, just one last question…what state was your social security number issued from?
lsos : Baltimore
[sub]Wow. I must be out of touch if Baltimore was made our 51st state[/sub]
m : Ok, sir, none of the information you gave me is valid. You will not getting an account with our bank unil you reapply with your valid information.
lsos : I want to talk to a man.
m : Why? So they can tell you the same thing in a deeper voice? You are not getting an account until you reapply.
lsos : No woman can do this to me!
m : This woman just did. Have a nice day

A message to the Lying Sack of Shit…

I did not answer the phone “Thank you for calling, my name is Imbecile” You can’t even keep your story straight and you think I won’t catch on? My kitten could outwit you. At least she would have figured out how old she would be if she was born in 1947. Calling me a bitch when I point out your ineptitude? Oh, gee, when you act all manly like that, I get scared.::rolleyes::

" No woman can do this to me"? Fuck off and die choking on a dead elephant’s ballbag, you sexist cuntfunnel. Just because I’m a woman, I can’t figure out a trail of clues more obvious than Pamela Lee’s titjob? Stick to shoplifting for your life of crime, you brain dead, bicycle seat sniffing, used condom licking, president of the Carrot Top fanclub, dumb ass motherfucker.

2

What a dumbass.

3

:: Snort :: HA! I love this line, mind if I use it? :slight_smile:

4

Wot a maroon. Way to handle 'im.

5

LMAO . . . damn hardygrrl, thats the worst insult I think I have ever seen in the Pit.

Something tells me you are full of good stories.

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It’s all yours. :slight_smile:

7

hardygrrl-we could really use you at Customers Suck!

8

Heh,

I love catching them in the act. Some of these crooks lie like 4 year old kids. I used to work in a corporate security department, following up on suspicious orders:

  • Crook places suspicious order. Follow-up with his credit card company shows that the actual card owner died 2 years ago. Crook calls back demanding to know where his order is.

  • Crook wants to know where his order is. At the same time I’m talking to him, the REAL credit card owner is on the other line.

9

I get those too. The best one was a new application. We ALWAYS have to talk to the person who filled out the application. Well, this guy’s daughter calls and she just happens to be listed as an authorized user. I’m bullshitting her as I run the info through the database.

I run his social through the system and it says he died seven years ago. She told me he was in Puerto Rico. I put her on hold and call the SS Admininstration and confirm his date of death.

I ge her back on the phone…

me : Your father’s in Puerto Rico?
her : Yes
me : Is that were he’s buried? According to Social Security, he died seven years ago. Are you just trying to defraud us OR are you frauding them as well?
her : *hangs up[/]

10

It’s too bad you can’t send these folks the gift of jail time. Or do you ever get that opportunity?

11

I wish. Our bank rarely prosecutes in fraud cases. With a fraud app, we just shut down the account.

12

Yes, I want to use this line to. I work as a consultant in a college computer lab. I’ve had someone ask me this. [nice euphemisms]
Granted, it was someone who was from a culture where men traditionally have more power. Granted, it’s probably a deep-seated cultural opinion.
[/nice euphemisms]

But, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. In other words, don’t be an biggoted assfuck if my answer is not satisfactory to you.

13

When someone asks to speak to my superior, I always reply “I have no superiors and very few equals.” Makes them think.

14

Wait wait wait! Back up! Pamela Lee? Titjob? Seriously?
:slight_smile:

That was one of the funniest pit rant I can recall! Have anymore stories?

15

I have millions of them…like the famous soap opera actress who shops at the Pleasure Chest…
If you have a credit card, we know all. :slight_smile:

16

What do you expect from someone who lives at Assclown Dr, Bumblefuck Il.

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BTW hardygrrl, thought you might like to know that today August 31st . . . is Jeff Hardys 24th birthday !

(You might already know that but what the hell, saw it, thought of you.)

  • NM
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I know…and what I would like to give him for a present, meow kitty kitty :wink:

19

I call dibs on this one, then:

Sheer poetry.

20

Sometimes it’s hard to be ethical, huh?

You know where they shop, I know what prescriptions they take. :wink:

[sub]So it was 8 years ago and only in a small area of the country…but I knew then!!![/sub]