"Did panic grip your soul?" NY Times Reviews Guy [Fieri]'s American Kitchen

The best restaurant review I’ve ever read, for what is apparently the worst restaurant I will never visit.

There are no answers to be found at Guy’s. Only questions.

Well, I can’t stand Fieri, so I wouldn’t voluntarily eat at any of his establishments, but this gave me a chuckle:

“Did you discern any buttermilk or brine in the white meat, or did you think it tasted like chewy air?”

That was some first-class snark! It makes you wonder if the experience was really that awful or did Guy Fieri bitch slap the reviewer’s mom.

That review is a thing of brilliance.

I love diner culture, but Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives is virtually unwatchable because of that guy. Cannot stand him.

Thanks for this link. Very funny.

And I just noticed this in the summary at the end:

Baked Alaska proves it’s not a real restaurant. No one should ever make it or order it in real life.

What the actual heck is Donkey Sauce? I Googled it and found out about an episode of Fear Factor which I assume was unrelated, although on re-reading the review I am less sure…

It’s basically roasted garlic mayonnaise. I put my own version (minus the additional mustard and Worcestershire sauce) on burgers all the time–it’s delicious.

From the full review’s complaint, I assume it’s like aioli (garlicky mayo), as he complains that Fieri’s published recipe’s result tastes nothing like what they got in the restaurant - “Why has the hearty, rustic appeal of roasted-garlic mayonnaise been replaced by something that tastes like Miracle Whip with minced raw garlic?”

This adds extra hilarity to the comment about thinking about what part the Donkey Sauce comes from.

Edit: Damn, too slow.

Ha. The Old Grey Lady still has her teeth.

This is a cheap shot, as everybody hates Guy Fieri. That sad, I loved reading this because I hate Guy Fieri.

Is this how you roll in Flavor Town?


Have you ever read a review for a restaurant and had your mouth start watering? This was not one of those occasions.

I like Guy Fieri and I loved reading this.

More specifically, I like Diners Drive-Ins and Dives. Fieri himself is kind of a douche outside the show.

I live across the street from a Johnny Garlic’s, his restaurant chain. Nothing about the review surprises me. It’s not awful (it is better than most mid-level chains), but it pretends it is so much more.

Plus in the three times I’ve eaten there the wait staff as always been odd. Not quirky odd, confused odd.

I can’t resist watching the show. It’s like Food Porn.

“Was your deep-fried “boulder” of ice cream the size of a standard scoop?”

OK, that would make me very, very angry.

I have DDD on right now! I love it.

I like how the review goes on for two pages. Brilliant.