I hope you regularly tell your mom that she rocks. Because she does.
As a child, I lived for a time with my aunt. I was spanked frequently by her and her husband, sometimes for genuine misdeeds, but often for ridiculous reasons. They used belts, a wooden paddle, flyswatters, or their bare hands according to how the mood took them, I suppose. I still carry a good deal of resentment towards them.
Afterwards, I lived with my grandmother, who did not spank me. She was a very clever woman, my granny. She figured out quickly that a sensitive child such as myself would be sufficiently punished by her expressing that her feelings were hurt over my misbehavior. (She would shake her head slowly and look sad and dissapointed when I misbehaved, and it always struck me to the heart. I’d have rather been spanked.)
I well remember the only spanking my stepfather ever gave me. My stepbrother and I had been fighting again, and my mother had, in exasperation, stated that the next time we fought, we’d be spanked. She ordered my stepfather to do the deed.
My stepbrother went into the bedroom with him first and returned sniffling. I went in after him, my stomach clenched in fear. (My stepfather was a big, stern, somewhat scary-looking man, though he was actually as gentle as a kitten.) He commanded me to come to him, turned me around and patted me on the butt three times. “Don’t tell your mother,” he whispered, and sent me back out into the living room.
I have no children, but if I did, I would never resort to physical punishment. There’s no need.
Lissa, did he spank your brother for real?
Seemed pretty clear to me that he didn’t.
Yes, on occassion. I can’t remember for what, though. Probably because I was just annoying my mother; I remember she really hated being interrupted while talking on the phone. Also I remember being pinched if I fussed too much while going shopping with her.
No, I wouldn’t spank my (hypothetical) child. I don’t think it’s an effective punishment and it would disturb me if I actually got angry enough to hit my kid.
Oh good. 'Cause that would be cool. 
I was just making it clear that I had nothing more interesting to add to the subject, I have argued this point to many times. Also, if it makes any difference, I spent the night with some friends last night that do the no spanking thing. Their child is smart, but awful unruly. The father asks the kid nicley to pick up his toys and the kid throws himself into the floor screaming and crying. Dad says time out! Kid screams and cries some more running and throwing himself onto the couch. So the dad proceeds to stand there telling this kid how much he was hurting daddy’s feelings for not listening, all while I am fighting the urge to stand the kid up, smack his back side and send him to his room.
So all in all, Period= frustration with other people’s kids and the vow that mine will never act that way.
Fair enough. I didn’t start this thread meaning to bash spankers, though; I hope you don’t think that I’m accusing all spankers of being child abusers.
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I think I got spanked exactly once as a kid, can’t remember why. (Also had my mouth washed out with soap, exactly once. That one I imagine I can guess at.)
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I don’t have kids.
BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA
ahem. Sorry. It’s just that, nearly everyone says that. I konw I did. Guess what? Not reality. Now, you can definitely teach them that certain behavior is not acceptable, but the whole “my children will NEVER act that way in public” thing…it’s bound to happen at least once. My son threw an epic temper tantrum in a store once, and my daughter in a museum. They both knew at the time that kind of behavior was unacceptable. It didn’t mean they acted that way all the time, although I’m sure there were people there who thought they did. Kids are human. Sometimes they get tired and cranky and in a bad mood and aren’t capable yet of dealing with thier frustration any other way. They learn as they get older. That’s the whole point of kid-hood.
Twice, once when I made a mess of some paint when mom and stepdad were painting a room, and the other time was when I wandered far from home, at about age 3, in Tampa, Florida.
My kids got a few swats on their behinds when they were small – the attention-getting kind of swat. When they were older, my “big voice” would get their attention. I’m soft-spoken, but there’s this Darth Vader noise that comes out of me when I’m really pissed.
First husband was beaten regularly, and he never hit the kids, but he was verbally abusive. Second husband was also beaten, and as far as I know, he never laid a hand on any of his kids, ever.
- Yes, very rarely
- Yes, very rarely
I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I’ve spanked my kids (they’re 8 1/2 & 6 now). My wife and I reserve it as the “meta-punishment”. It’s only for moments where the child is completely flouting authority.
For example, one night at bathtime the kids were just flat-out ignoring my wife’s instructions. They were in a wild, rebellous mood. She tried our normal discipline routine (two warnings and a timeout) and when they continued to misbehave after they had both earned post-bath timeouts I was called in to be the enforcer. I gave each of them two quick swats on the bottom and left them to finish their baths sobbing and very, very apologetic.
They still occasionally speak in awe and horror about “The Night Daddy Spanked Us Both At Bathtime” even though it happened several years ago. And they’ve never been that disobedient again.
I think that spanking is useful only if you do it very, very rarely. It’s good to have a “too terrible to risk” punishment available in extreme situations. If you spank all the time, what’s left as your “too terrible to risk” punishment?
Some of the rules in the Pochacco household:
- No name-calling or taunting, ever. Calling someone “Stupid” gets you sent to your room. Teasing is allowed only if the recipient thinks it’s funny too.
- All requests must be made in a pleasing tone of voice and accompanied by the word “please”. If you whine or demand things you will be ignored.
- All books are toys are to be shared equally, except for a few special personal items (a favorite doll, for example). If someone is playing with something you want, you must wait for them to finish, however long that takes. If someone gets a new toy they don’t have to share it for the first few days, but once the “new” has worn off, it’s fair game.
- Dinnertime is for conversation about the day. No toys or books at the table. The TV stays off. Everyone must say at least one thing they did during the day.
- If you get in trouble, when your punishment is complete, the matter is CLOSED. Past transgressions are never held against you.
No, but my stepbrother sniffled dramatically lest my mother figure out we hadn’t really been spanked.
You know what? We never fought after that, and I’ve never told my mother.
I remember being spanked once when I was little, although I’m sure it happened a few times. I remember the shame of being put over my dad’s knee, and having my nightie pulled up, and him seeing my panties! :eek: I was probably around 4 or 5. I was so embarrassed and humiliated.
My daughter is just a baby still, but I have no intention of spanking her as a punishment, although I probably will quickly slap her fingers if she reaches for a hot stove and there is no time to use my words. I will also probably smack her bum once, sharply to get her attention, if she does something dangerous like run out into the street.
I will never use it as a threat, such as “if you don’t stop that you’re going to get a spanking!”. I don’t want my child to be afraid of me.
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Once, at school. Never by my parents. They had The Black Belt™ hanging in the doorway to the basement. Always threatened. We 3 kids were ALWAYS too stupid to realize that they never ONCE used it.
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I spank my own… since I was 11 or 12…
I was spanked and caned. Sometimes I deserved it, other times I did not. But I’d spank and cane my children if both I and their mother thought they deserved it. Sometimes physical punishment is a necessary lesson - but it must be a lesson, and not simply done out of anger or malice - a lesson that if you do not respect authority, you can get hurt. Better that they learn that at home than for real too late.
But in general, there are far better punishments, with spanking being held in reserve.
Once is one thing, but not on an everday basis. I want my kids to be afraid of punishment, not like scared of prison scared, but just enough so that they won’t be a repeat offender. I mean time out, really, that never worked on me. Some kids…meh I don’t know. My kids will be just like my husband and I am a sure, deserving of a few spankings. Each child is different and respond to different things, I can respect that. I refuse to let mine bea brat or that kid from my post before. They will mind me, respect others, and be polite, I don’t expect them to perfect.
BTW, I am open to open to opinion and other choices on childcare. Laughing at someone’s personal choice seems a little silly.
Put me with those who were hit often, and not necessarily due to misbehavior. My mother hit us (with her hand, belts, brushes, shoes, once even the electrical cord when she was putting the vacuum away) but I don’t even recall my dad doing so. I realize now that these incidents had a lot more to do with her reaching her personal level of frustration than with my sisters’ and my behavior. Sure, sometimes there was cause-and-effect, but it was usually not “you did something stupid/dangerous/disrespectful” so much as it was “I can’t stand you for a second longer”.
I’ve never spanked my own kids. I have done the smack-on-the-hand thing twice. And I have felt the level of frustration that makes me understand why people might hit their kids. When I feel that, I actually give myself a “time out” and take a few minutes away to calm down. Again, I think any hitting beyond the ‘warning’ smack people talk about (i.e., kid reaching for a hot stove) says a lot more about the hitter than the hittee.
Yes, spanked routinely by my Mother. When that wasn’t good enough then “wait till your father comes home.” They used a wooden paddle and broke several on my ass. usually with pants on, but sometimes buck naked. Still had spankings in school, with a ping pong paddle with quarter sized holes drilled in it. Occaisionally spanked out in the hall where the entire class could hear your humiliation. Good fucking christian people all.
Shop teacher in High School, who was missing his middle two fingers. He would pick you up by the neck and pin you against the wall with your feet off the ground. That was better than spanking and usually for a real transgression.
I have never spanked my kids. Lord, I have been tempted. It would be such an easy quick short term solution, but I never have.
My wife has spanked our eldest a handful of times. I think the shock is much worse than the pain.
WTF is up with that? I have known of several shop teachers with one or more missing digits.