Okay, I can dig that. I have no kids yet so my expectations are high.
Something I though was amusing, as I was reading this, the friends who have the wild child that I was complaining about asked me to babysit in a couple of weeks, and I said yes. :eek:
Yes.
Yes, I plan to.
I just can’t see how spanking teaches a kid any lesson other than “hitting is ok if the other person did something wrong”.
I understand that. I think that is why so many responses have been that they have/will/do only spank children that are too young to reason with.
You can tell a child that has just started walking “don’t go to the road” all day, every day. Untill the child is able to learn that there are consequences for his misbehavior, you have a choice - a hand on a padded butt, or a dead child.
I, (and if you have read my experiences will understand) don’t think “spanking for all infractions” is the best policy. Sometimes, however, a firm hand on a padded butt will get attention where nothing else will.
Some parents spank. Some don’t. I see bad kids and good kids either way. And I bless the Goddess she upheld me in my decision not to have any.
IANAM- YMMV…
Fortunately all I ever had to do to get Dominic’s attention or show him I was serious was grab his arm firmly (“hard” but not painful-hard) and make him face me.
I went to a similar school. After the paddling, the dean would pray with us. After the paddling for the next infraction, the dean would call in someone else and we would all pray together. Still a problem? More paddling and more people to help pray. By the end of my third grade year, it was standing room only for my paddling/prayer sessions!
- By my parents, I think twice. I have a very dim memory of having my backside slapped a couple times once when I was little (might have been 6 or 7); I also got laid down on dad’s knees and given a few hard ones at 12. Can’t remember the specifics but I know for sure that I was deliberately crossing every line under God’s sun shrug
My little brother is the only one who got hit on the face, when he tried to overturn the lunch table on top of Dad. Dad’s slap was an instant reaction, by the time the information reached his brain he’d already hit.
I recall being hit on the left hand when I was in kindergarten, whenever I used it to draw or color. For the longest time I was told that was “my imagination” - but at age 14 I found out I’m actually a lefty for lots of things! Imagination, my poor wee fingers!
- Don’t have kids. I did slap one of the neighbors once, when I was 11 and he was 4. He very deliberatedly called me a whore, knowing that this was something that sent adults into a headless-chicken state but they never did anything more than yell “bad boy”. Well, I wasn’t eactly a grown-up and I was in a very bad mood… the slap sent him flying against my parents’ bed, thanks God :smack: :o I had intended to teach him that “you may have your grandmas twisted around your finger but you don’t have me”, didn’t mean to hurt him.
I’ve also dragged quite a few kids younger than me back home after birthdays where I was the general babysitter; in some cases, by the scruff of the neck and making sure his feet couldn’t reach me (a couple were kickers).
Funny thing is, quite a few of those kids consider me as the closest thing they have to an elder sister and have been known to come to me for advice. Guess nobody’s feelings were hurt too badly.
I was spanked once, as far as I remember. I don’t remember what I’d done, but I remember that my dad was as angry as I’ve ever seen him, and I started bawling as soon as I found out I was going to get spanked. I think I only got a slap or two on my bottom. My brother and I were pretty good kids, and mostly we got time-outs in the corner when we were bad.
I don’t have kids yet.
Great rules, Pochacco! We have very similar rules in our household for our three boys (ages 3, 6 and 9), and they’ve served us well.
Did you get spanked as a kid?
Yes. Several spankings and one memorable session with my dad’s belt.
Do you spank your own?
Yes, I did.
Stop trying to turn me on. I’m trying to work. 
No, you may NOT explain. I never allow facts to interfere with recreational paddlng.
- Yes, I was spanked as a kid. My dad spanked me with an open hand, on the butt. He was angry, but never so angry that he spanked me too hard…it stung, but not terribly. My mom, on the other hand, would get really mad over relatively miniscule things. She once beat me with high-heeled shoes. But that was probably the worst…most of the time she left it to my dad.
The thing is, most of the spankings etc., I don’t remember the infraction. I just remember the spanking. I’m not sure what good they did except to instill fear of my parents in me.
I was also paddled once in school, for mere forgetfulness rather than disobedience. - I don’t have kids and have no intention of having them. If I did, would try as hard as I could to avoid spanking them but I’m a realist and know that sometimes everyone is pushed. I would try to make it a last resort. And I would never hit them with anything other than my hand! Whips, belts, rulers, or high-heeled shoes…I don’t see why the lesson can’t be administered with just a hand.
I went to a Christian school from grades 2 - 7 and they believed very strongly in paddling. Every teacher had their own wooden paddle. Some teachers’ paddles were feared more than others… like the ones who had thin paddles (travelled faster, stung more) or paddles with holes in them. I was paddled over 30 times in 3rd grade. The teacher’s discipline system went like this: first infraction got your name on the board. Each subsequent infraction got a checkmark next to your name. Three checkmarks got you a paddling. Names were erased and the slate started fresh every Monday morning. Now, it doesn’t seem unfair until you realize that the kind of infraction didn’t matter. If I punched the kid next to me? Checkmark by my name. If I dropped my pencil and asked the kid next to me to hand it back? Checkmark by my name (no talking in class!!). I was paddled so many times mostly for forgetting my homework or talking in class. I think that is grossly out of line, personally. I was once paddled by a different teacher for yelling “say it don’t spray it” to a kid who had just showered me with saliva while talking. Ridiculous. Physical punishment, if it IS used, should ONLY be used to punish the most severe misbehavior. It should never be the default punishment for everything, like it was at my school.
Three boys! That must be challenging.
My wife’s mother was of the “ignore, ignore, ignore, then scream and hit” school of child-rearing so when we had kids we vowed to work hard to not fall into that trap.
One of our philosophies is that good manners aren’t just for special occasions and strangers. It’s actually MORE important to be polite to your family. After all, since you see them day in and day out there are just that many more opportunities for hurt feelings and ill-will. And who wants to live in the middle of bickering and strife? So we try to nip any display of rudeness in the bud instantly.
I’ve read just the OP but not all of the replies, since it’s an emotional subject for me. But yes, I was spanked (with a belt on the bare butt). Regularly. It had major negative consequences. I would beg any parents out there to never do it to their children.
As would I, but I know it’s not my call. (And I know you know it’s not yours–not implying anything there.) The thing is, I just don’t understand how you can love your kids, and then decide to spank them. I know that there are tons of really excellent parents out there who love their kids very much, who do spank. I know this. I just don’t understand it. See, I could kind of understand how you could hit your kid in anger, because you lost control. Not a good thing, but I can understand how it could happen. But making a calculated and calm decision to hit your child? It just doesn’t compute in my brain. I know there are really bad children out there who don’t respond to anything else–but I think that’s probably pretty rare. As for effectiveness, what is most likely I think is that it teaches a sort of blind obedience and fear, good behavior for no other reason than the avoidence of pain, and other fairly worthless values, rather than teaching good behavior because it’s right and logical consequences for misbehavior.
And I don’t consider smacking a 2 year old’s hand when they reach for the stove to be spanking, btw.
Precisely because I love them. I think you’re having a difficult time understanding this because you were not just spanked, but beaten. There is a difference. And I get that your child doesn’t seem to need much more than verbal intervention, which is wonderful, but he’s not representative of all children.
One of the most important thing we teach or children is that everything they do has consequences, and sometimes those consequences are unpleasant. It’s part of teaching them to be responsible for their actions and accept responsibility of the fallout. When my three year old routinely got into my (expensive) perfume, explaining “no, that’s Mommy’s. You don’t touch.” Didn’t do it. Time out didn’t do it. A spanking (=2 light swats on bottom, over clothes) with a threat of another spanking if it happened again worked. She never touched it again.
Just from what I’ve observed, children who do not learn that there are serious consequences when they break the rules generally go on to break the rules with more frequency and get into more trouble than kids who are disciplined. Note I say disciplined and not spanked. As I’ve said, I’ve found spankings to be unnecessary now that my kids are older. But you cannot expect a three year old to grasp a complex concept like actions having consequences of varying degrees. I’m always perplexed whenever I see a mother talking to a tantrum-throwing 2 or 3 year old as if logic is going to solve the problem. “Now, Billy, you know that’s not the way to get what you want, and I’m very busy right now, so please be a good boy and stop screaming.” Lady, the kid ain’t even listening.
Crap. One of the most important things we teach our children.
The main point I was trying to get across is, I love my kids so much, I’d rather they learn from me that their actions have consequences, rather than from their peers, their coworkers, SO’s, and society in general. Society is far more harsh about teaching that lesson than I could ever be. Plus, it’s my responsibility as a parent to not raise a couple of assholes with a sense of entitlement.
When Dominic would have tantrums as a 2-3 year old, we would tell him “I won’t listen to you until you can say it calmly” and then we’d ignore him. Completely. Wouldn’t even look at him.
He had very, very few tantrums. I could probably count them on one hand.
(This is merely an anecdote in response to the last part of the previous post, it has nothing to do with spanking)
Oh, and I wouldn’t say that I was beaten. I wasn’t spanked that often, either, except the paddlings at school. More often it was something sudden and isolated, like the shoe thrown in my face the one time when I was 4 or 5.