sigh… I realize this is a very touchy subject for everyone, and we all use the method of discipline we feel works best for us and our children. However.
[QUOTE=fessie]
The point of correction (and yes, kids DO need to be corrected) should be to draw them onto your team, into a shared purpose; not make them separate and less.
[/QUOTE]
Disciplining a child is not just a matter of correction. It’s how we teach our kids right from wrong, and that when they do something wrong, there are consequences to those actions. This is something they will face over and over again in their lives. No matter what actions they take, those actions have consequences, and they need to be responsible for those consequences and own their mistakes as well as their triumphs. It’s part of teaching them self discipline and in the long run, how to become well adjusted, productive members of society.
Sorry, fessie, I didn’t mean to single you out specifically, and I don’t disagree with what you said. It’s just that as far as I’m concerned, there’s a lot more to disciplining your kid than whatever immediate issue the parent is dealing with.
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest]
It also helps, I think, that if a parent does something short tempered, say yelling irrationally at the child, the adult should stop themselves and say, " I’m very sorry. I lost my temper. I don’t know why that happened.That wasn’t pretty and no one deserves to be screamed at like that because no one really hears the words…they just hear the yelling. I’m going to put myself in my bedroom for a time out until I feel I can discuss this situation in my normal voice. You can play quietly until I come out. "
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I really snapped at Dominic one day for something really trivial, because I was just really stressed out and in a bad mood. I immediately apologized to him and said it had been wrong of me to do it, and explained why I was really upset. He was very understanding. I have also on various occassions told him “hey, I’m in a really bad mood right now. I’m tired and I don’t feel good, and I had a bad day… so if I sound mad just try to ignore it ok? Because I’m not mad at you.” He is also very understanding about this. Now obviously I try not to sound mad and keep everything in perspective, but you know how your voice has a certain edge when you’ve just had a for-shit day… kids pick up on that. But if I warn him ahead of time, he knows it isn’t that I’m upset with him. Being the sweet kid that he is, he will usually resort to trying to take care of me in these situations. Offering to get me snacks or something to drink, or rubbing my back.