It happened again last night. I had the same conversation. It went something like this:
Him: Where are you from.
Me: I grew up on a farm in Central Illinois.
Him: A farm? No really, where are you from?
Me: Yes, a farm…really.
Him: No one lives on FARMS!
Me: Well…I did. And my family still does.
Him: Did you have chickens? And pigs and horses? And goats?
I have this conversation frequently. And it never ceases to amaze me. I tend to hang out with fairly educated, professional types of people. I mean, I had this conversation last night with a physician…not an escapee from the local institution for the criminally stupid.
So I thought before I had this SAME conversation again, I would go on record and clear a few things up. Number one of course, is that yes, people do live on farms. That isn’t some kind of ancient myth. It’s not just something you see in movies. There is life beyond the suburbs. I lived on a working, profitable (more or less depending on the weather) grain farm. I went to a rural public school. There were 18 students in my high school class. I am not making this up to entertain you.
The second thing I want to clear up is the whole “animal thing.” People insist that there must have been a multitude of animals on my farm. When I tell them there weren’t for the most part they ask me “why not” as if this was some kind of anomally and I should have known better. If we didn’t have chickens and goats running around in the yard then it must not have REALLY been a farm, or there must have been something inherently WRONG about it.
In past generations, it was necessary for farmers to have a few chickens, a couple of cows or what-have-you in order to feed their families. Think “Little House on the Prairie.” Now, however, the average farmer has access to the most amazing thing: A grocery store. They get in their Buicks and go buy their groceries the same way you do. They don’t milk a cow and collect eggs for a big breakfast with the farm hands.
If there are animals on farms, it’s most likely an enormous number of them. For example, the huge dairy farms in Wisconsin. Or the 10,000 hog operation nearby that bespoiled the air where I lived. The animals are a business, they are not a half dozen cute baby chicks running around the yards waiting for a handful of corn from the farm wife.
There are, of course, the odd couple of farmers who keep animals in their yards. Like the Earhardt’s across the way. But they are whacko and don’t count for anything in this rant. They’re the rare exception to the rule and their animals aren’t useful in any real sense anyway, but rather an extension of their diseased brains that pours out onto the lawn in front of their home.
As far as the other fun stereotypes:
-
My family is educated. And in fact, in order to run a business as large and complex as a farm, one MUST be educated. Or at least to run one successfully you must. My father runs a business…he deals with issues that affect the board of exchange. Not only do I have a degree from a big ten univeristy, but both my parents do, as well as both my dad’s parents. I’m not positing education as any indication of true intelligence or bragging about this fact. I’m just pointing out that the guy in the coveralls and straw hat leaing over the fence chewing on a stalk of straw is not a reality.
-
No one in my family is named “Ellie Mae.”
-
Farm machinery is expensive and sometimes complex. No more tractor jokes or I will strangle you with the twine that’s holding up my dungarees.
-
My dad never let anyone sleep in the barn.
-
What did we do way out there? I will admit there are certain cultural interests that arise in any location or among any group of like-minded individuals. For example, my father insists on blowing the crap out of defneseless animals at 4:00 in the morning because this “sport” is part of his “cultural heritage.” However, for the most part the answer to “what did you do way out there” is the same thing you did wherever YOU grew up. We just drove farther to do it.
Thanks for reading and Yee Haw!!!
-L