Holy cow! Was anyone still awake at the end? :eek:
If I think you’re breaking up with me by god I’m going to order the most expensive thing on the menu! (But I just checked and the most expensive entree is under $20. That’s why you don’t take them to Red Lobster, where the entrees can run $35.)
But that’s, like, half of the point of the cliché, right? If you’re going to break up with someone face to face, and you do it in a public place — say, a restaurant where folks are enjoying salad and breadsticks — you reduce the odds of an alarm clock getting hurled at your head. (I mean, where would they even get an alarm clock?)
It’s on your phone now. They’d throw their phone at you.
I suggest that you read it. Once you get past the initial blurbage (jump to slide 25) it is eviscerating in a way you rarely see in corporate communications. Starting at slide 159 is where they tear into the food quality and service deficiencies (“Now Olive Garden serves dishes that are astonishingly far from authentic Italian culture, such as burgers & fries, Spanish tapas, heavy cream sauces, more fried foods, stuffed cheeses, soggy pasta, and bland tomato sauce…”).
Stranger
Still, though: how likely are they to do that if you break the news in private? And: how likely are they to do it if it means making a scene at Table Five?
I don’t know about “bland enough,” but everything at Italian restaurants outside of Italy, even supposedly authentic ones, consist of pasta, beef, cheese, and tomatoes, NO MATTER WHAT YOU ORDER. The only truly authentic Italian restaurant I ever discovered was in Washington, DC, two blocks from the Italian Embassy. Since it catered to Italians, and not Americans, everything was not pasta, meat, cheese, and tomatoes, although it does seem to be true that everything comes with some kind of sauce. But there are cream sauces, egg-based sauces, and the list goes on.
Chili’s used to have a black bean burger that they would serve with real Swiss cheese, and grilled mushrooms and onions. It was great, and only about $5. It came with fries, but you could get a salad instead, and free refills on your drink.
I used to get it about once a month.
Then they stopped having it for a few months, and I among apparently many, many more customers, wrote letters in protest, because they ostensibly brought it back, but it wasn’t the same burger. It was mushy and acrid, and I no longer go to Chili’s.
Oh yes, true enough. The better quality of preparation and quality of ingredients is most apparent though, compared to the chains, and the menus broader.
I spent not quite 2 weeks in Sicily, and while they certainly use pasta as a staple, and use tomatoes, I never once did see a plate of pasta with red sauce dumped over it. Black sauce ( squid ink ) yeah, but tomato sauce, not really. Rather, it seemed just as if some minced tomatoes were distributed among it. Meat, of whatever sort, was on a side dish. Never did see spaghetti and meatballs. 
Actual traditional Italian cuisine, like Mexican, Indian, Chinese, et cetera varies widely over regions depending on what kind of local proteins, vegetables, and herbs were available. Many Americans are surprised that Mexican cuisine includes a lot of bouillabaisse-like soups despite the fact that the country has large coasts on four major bodies of water (Pacific Ocean, Gulf of California, Caribbean Sea, and of course the Gulf of Mexico) because their exposure to ‘Mexican’ food is an Americanized version of Chihuahua cuisine.
Alla marinara was traditionally associated with Neapolitan cuisine and was more fresh chopped olives in olive oil with spices, herbs, and occasionally anchovies or capers tossed with pasta. Stewed sauces, e.g. the ragù of Northern Italy, used tomatoes and other vegetables as seasoning rather than the primary constituent. Like goulash, they have become “tomato-ized” in Western translation, in part because of how expensive meat was for immigrants. “Spaghetti and meatballs” is definitely an American “innovation”.
There, of course, is nothing wrong with the fusion of cultures to produce a novel dish. I absolutely love a good cioppino, and you will find nothing like it anywhere in Italy. But the key word here is “good”. The Olive Garden is the antithesis of good, even in the context of chain restaurant food. That they are known best for their endless supply of breadsticks and salad tells you everything you need to know about the focus of their business.
Stranger
If you’re worried about a scene, send them a text. If you’re not, do it in private.
OG is definitely the restaurant where I SHOULD have dumped him. This was the guy who went off his meds (which I didn’t know he was on) and got loudly argumentative about religion in an Olive Garden. I kept saying quietly, “Let’s not discuss this here,” and he’d agree and then start up again. Afterward, he swore he wouldn’t go off his meds again, and I reluctantly agreed not to break it off…until he went off his meds again a year later.
I remember reading a few years ago that Olive Garden was in financial trouble until they started pushing cocktails. When a restaurant has to push fruity cocktails to survive, it’s not a good sign.
I’ve never heard this cliche. But if you’re going for cheap, I wouldn’t choose Olive Garden.
Every time I go to Red Lobster (which is once in a blue moon), I get the feeling that Red Lobster is on the verge of breaking up with me.
This strikes me as “If it’s recognized as a thing, it can no longer be a thing.” IOW if it’s so common for people to break up with others at Olive Garden, then when your date suggests you go to Olive Garden, don’t you know the gig (jig?) is up?
Olive Garden…because you care enough to pretend you care. It’s a nice thought I guess: unlimited salad and breadsticks and soups while I ponder where my pointless life might lead next. Burger King would probably only give you free soft drink refills. Breadsticks though, mmm…
I agree. But now Stranger is claiming that the opinion on restaurant quality, in this case, is objective fact.
That was pretty much how I heard about this. I saw a reference to somebody asking his girlfriend to go with him to Olive Garden and her immediate reaction was “Oh my God, you’re breaking up with me!” The joke seemed to assume this was so well know that everyone would immediately understand it and it wouldn’t need any explanation.
To be fair, he did have a powerpoint presentation to back it up.
And holy shit, what a deck that is! I sit through way more presentations each week than any human should be allowed, and I can say that I’ve never seen one so brutally eviscerate its target. Given that Olive Garden’s own deck says their food is shit, I’m prepared to accept Stranger’s statement as verified objective fact.
What an entertaining read.
I’ve heard this idea on TV shows before, that you should take someone to a restaurant or public place to break up so they don’t make a scene,but not specifically Olive Garden
About a couple of times a year I make my own noodles from scratch. Eggs, flour. There used to be a specialty shop in Denver that you could buy fresh noodles from too. I love 'em. Some people don’t care. Also used to go to a restaurant that had them. I can tell the difference.
About 15 years ago my wife and I got take out from an Olive Garden, and I swear they where fresh made noodles. Not the dried stuff, but made on site. They where frankly fantastic. Surprised the hell out of me.
Perfect place for a break-up is Mad Mex on Valentine’s Day. They do an anti-Valentine thing where couples are assumed to be breaking up. They play music about breaking up, serve lots of booze with the meal, and automatically bring seperate checks. We’ve done it and it’s hilarious.