Is there ever any good way to break up?

I’m not sure if this a general question but im pretty damn sure even lawyers or doctors have this problem. Is there ever any good way to break up?

For my case is with a girl, and I need some advice on this. Im just not really into her and i don’t wanna waste her time. So what do i do? Cause i have had my fair share of women just going psycho whenever i mention the word “break”

Maybe someone has found a perfect way to break up, please please please help me, im beginning to go outa my mind here…

  • Thanks to Simon and Garfunkel

Heh. Ironic, TLD. That lyric was by Paul Simon, without Art Garfunkel. :slight_smile:

But the sentiment holds true, ** Israfell**. There ain’t a pleasant, snuggly-cuddly way to break up when there’s no love left, or even involved in the first place. Just get out of it. Only then can you start to rebuild.

If you wait long enough, she’ll die and you’ll never have to be the bad guy.

Or you’ll die, in which case it won’t matter.

Having just gone through this myself last Tuesday, I say, if there are no financial binds - just tell her. Screw up your courage and do it. Get it over with. You’ll both be happier.

Its a bear. I just ended a 10 year relationship and he was blindsided. But I had come to realize that my choices were 1 - to settle for less than I want, need and deserve for the rest of my life, or 2 - get out immediately. I psyched myself up and did it. (I also had a few friends who psyched me up.) Life will be better for both of us now, although he doesn’t realize it yet.

I know you said this was just a girl you’d been dating. But FTR, I would say if you had financial ties (married, kids, house together, etc.) get a lawyer, get some advice, make sure you’ve got a good solid plan, then break up.

Here’s how a former boyfriend of my ex dumped her:

He went to her house, had sex with her, and immediately afterwards said, “I’m breaking up with you, but I just wanted to have sex with you one last time.”

Perfect for him. Not so much for her.

Yes. By mutual agreement. It’s entirely possible that she’s not really into you either, but hasn’t worked up the nerve to say so.

If not, well, all I can say is be firm, but not mean, and remain as vague as possible about the reason for the break-up. “Things just aren’t clicking for me and I don’t want to waste your time” is fine.

lok her in the eyes and say that you love her, but you are not in love with her. Then run…very fast

Ask her if you can just be friends.

I’m all for the (tactful) straight forward approach. You need to tell her in person, be respectful, though it sounds as if you already are seeing you wish for some advice.

Explain how you feel, as said earlier, she may agree with you. Avoid any argument, even if she starts one (especially if she starts one), the point is to get your feelings across, not list her shortcomings (don’t forget to use “I feel…” to preface you statements, don’t come off as accusatory).

Usually this is difficult enough for both involved, try to keep it short and simple. If she wishes to talk after, let her, she will probably want to get things out as well, discussion is fine if both are ok with it.

It is also advisable to minimize contact for a short while. There may be some lingering feelings between you both, and it could really complicate things to have those exposed so soon after a breakup (I usually tell people to let six months - sometimes longer, it depends upon the relationship - go by before talking with an “ex” so those emotions have grown apart enough for moving on)

good luck to you.

That Paul Simon song always needed some more lines…

Tell her you’re gay, Ray
That you’ve got VD, Lee,
You fucked her sis, Chris,
Just get yourself free.

Whatver you do, don’t go find someone else before you break up with her. Cuz I about killed my ex who did that on me. lol. And with a co-worker who he said he thought of as a little sister to boot. And when he broke up with me he said he loved me much more than her but it had to be this way. /me gets out of the past. LOL. Sorry about that. Anyway, good luck!

There’s really no good way to do it. But no matter how hard it is, sitting around in a miserable relationship is worse.

And Lola is my new favorite doper.

Are you living together? That makes the situation a bit more difficult. I had to go through that once - rented a truck and got all my stuff out while she was out for the day, left her a month’s rent and got the hell out.

In any case, you need to protect both your assets, and yourself - particularly if she’s as psychotic as mine was. Wear some sort of groin protection, don’t do it when there are heavy or sharp objects lying about, and have some security - order a pizza or something beforehand so that if the situation goes south fast, someone is going to arrive at the door, providing at best, an opportune time for her to make an exit, and at worst, someone who can call the cops or an ambulance.

Don’t beat around the bush - be honest, be blunt, wish her well, but cut it off in no uncertain terms.

Then change your locks and your phone number.

You could inform her that via therapy, you’ve gotten in touch with your various personalities, and a recent poll indicated that they don’t like her.

Call out another girl’s name in bed, repeatedly. Do NOT do this if you plan on falling asleep afterwards.

Let her ‘catch’ you with a gay male friend. Drawback is she may decide to take a walk on the wild side. :eek:

Mount her from behind, grab her breasts in your hands, and whisper in her ear, “Your sister likes it like this, too.” If you can stay in for 8 seconds, that’s a full ride of Rodeo Sex. :stuck_out_tongue:

Or you could be honest, and be ready to run very fast, dodging from side to side if she has a carry permit, have your locks changed, move, and/or join the Foreign Legion.

This is the reason my ex had for breaking up with me four months ago, but it wasn’t the reason he gave when he did it.

HOW HE DID IT: He waited until I was out of town for a week on a business trip, then didn’t call, contact or otherwise endeavor to see me when I got back. When he wouldn’t answer or return my phone calls, I finally sent him an email saying “What gives?”
His response was a huge cop-out; “I’m really busy, blah blah blah, no time for any of my friends, blah blah blah, don’t have the wherewithal to be in a relationship, blah blah blah.”

I just had dinner with him on Friday, and it came out that he wasn’t as crazy about me as he thought, he didn’t see a future for us. I basically agreed with him, and admitted that he had seen the impending demise earlier than I.

HOW I WISH HE HAD DONE IT: First of all, I wish he had not said all of the things he had said in our relationship if he didn’t really mean them. “We’re going to be together forever!”, “You are SOO my girlfriend!”, “I love you so much” (said the night before I left on my business trip). Then I wish he had just told me the truth. It would have hurt, but anything he did would have hurt, and I would have been able to get closure sooner, rather than having four months of “what the hell happened?”.

So my advice? Tell her the truth, it won’t hurt her any more or any less than anything else you do. Just stop pretending and perpetuating a lie.

  1. Remember that this isn’t a something you have to justify. Give her a reason–the truth is fine–but don’t try and convince her of anything–don’t give her the impression that this is up for discussion, that you are open to hearing arguements and being convinced not to leave her. If you start down this road, it will hurt both of you more in the long run.

  2. Remember that you are telling her that she isn’t good enough for you. It doesn’t matter if that isn’t what you mean. It’s what she is going to hear, at least right at first. So do everything you can to help her preserve her dignity: do it on her turf, then leave. There’s no point in you hanging around after you’ve just rejected her. Don’t do it while you are both trapped somewhere–like in a car. Don’t try and make small talk.

  3. Don’t say anything to taint the time that has already past–don’t make her wonder “Oh my god, this whole time I thought he liked me but he was really just trying to get away. I’m such a fucking idiot.” So don’t say 'I’ve been trying to get up the nerve to say this for weeks" or “I’ve just never really felt that spark here” or “I’ve already wasted to much of your time.” Say things like “the last (length of the relationship) have been wonderful” or something. But don’t belabor the point–nothing negative about the past, one positive comment, then skeddaddle.

I’ve been on both sides of this equation on a few occasions. I’ve seen the good (well, it can never really be good), the bad and the ugly.
The quick and dirty way is the best. Do it in private. Be honest, but not too honest. Don’t let any crying or bad scenes soften your resolve. Be prepared to duck thrown objects. Say what you have to say, and get out… fast.
Most importantly… DO IT SOON. Don’t let this drag on, and whatever you do… don’t sleep with her again.
Sometimes in life, you have to be the bastard.
Just remember, on some level you are doing her a favour; enabling her to get on with her life. She won’t have to waste time going out with some guy who isn’t into her, and will dump her eventually (perhaps after she has really fallen for you).
Better the dumper than the dumpee, anyway.

Good luck.

According to a book I own (How To Dump A Guy: A Coward’s Manual), there is a best time and place to dump someone. That is between 6 and 7 pm on a Friday. In a public place such as a restaurant which holds no sentimental value to the couple.

The dumpee has the weekend to lick their wounds and it is still early enough for them to call friends and make plans that night.

Speaking from personal experience, dumping someone over email, when you are separated by the Atlantic Ocean, will only lead to intense feelings of guilt and hiding in the shrubbery when Dumpee walks by.