Did you see my ass on Fox 19?

In the segment about Nostradamus?

Today was a slow day. We had maybe 200 questions. But I swear, 75% of the motherfuckers were calling about that goddam fake quatrain that’s been making the email glurge rounds since Tuesday. The worst part is that they argue with you once you expose what a bunch fools they are. I had a high school history teacher try to tell me that since a friend of hers took the five fucking seconds to forward her that useless glurge, it must be true. I bet she works at a charter school.

The Public Library has no more books on Nostradamus. Repeat: the Public Library has no more books on Nostradamus. Your compadres in gullibility have already checked them all out. Not only are you an idiot, but you’re a late idiot.

I was the one who brought the snopes page to the attention of my colleagues yesterday.

But nooooo… Channel 19 decides to interview Don, the Reasonable Librarian, rather than Black455, the Militantly Anti-Nostradamus PSA, thus depriving me of my opportunity to act like a complete asshole to a bunch of simpering Bellheads who couldn’t tell a chemtrail from the herpetic pus dripping from Uri Geller’s wang without somebody there to explain it in small words with pictures.

I decided to go to lunch instead. Hence, the shot of my ass walking away, undulating seductively, hoping that Trish “the Dish” Mackey, anchorblonde extraordinaire, would catch a glimpse and be smitten.

My public better start appreciating me.

I feel the utmost sympathy, shock, disgust, etc, for the people who lost loved ones on Tuesday. I lost my grandmother Sunday, so this has been a pretty fucked up week for me. But the fact that events like these seperate the wheat of the profoundly stupid from the chaff of the merely dumb only serves to add to my disgust. Some people shouldn’t have access to the internet.

I did not see your ass, but I wish I had. I also wish I’d taken bets on how long it would be before I received the Nostradamus e-mail, and who would send it to me, because I was right on both counts.

I thought of e-mailing the sender with a comprehensive debunking, but reconsidered-- my mom has to work with this woman, and past experience has shown that Spam Woman gets positively testy when anyone says, “You know, SW, that’s not exactly true…” So instead I called my mom and we discussed how we wish SW’s keyboard would catch fire.

I received it in an Instant Message and the first thing I did was post it to the GQ, knowing that the right answer would be given quickly. Where else can I get an answer to a question in 5 minutes?

Sure enough, since then I’ve gotten 5 emails with some variation of it. I “reply to all” stating it’s a hoax and provide a link to both here and snopes.

Some people are adamant. They want to believe it’s true.

The guy in Canada who wrote it is a genius. His point is being proven.

What city is Fox 19 out of? Did you tape it?

I taped my ass once, my tip to you, don’t use duct tape!

Oh wait, not the kind of taping of the ass you were referring to. Nevermind.

Definitely a sig line in there waiting to be taken.

I hope that Fox was at least hoping to find out the truth instead of looking for the “Nostradamus foresaw this” angle.

Will look for your ass at 11.

And to Oblong, Fox 19 is in Cincinnati.

Shib: Be my guest.

And yeah, the lead-ins to the segment were pretty hokey, but they actually did us a favor in the fight against ignorance.