Did you turn yourself into an optimist? How?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve been trying to be more optimistic but I don’t think it’s ever going to work! I was just wondering if there are any self-made optimists around who could tell me how they did it. I figure some people start out in their childhood and teens feeling pessimistic and negative, and then one day they decide it sucks and that they should change. Then they change. I got up to the part where you decide to change, but after that it all went wrong.

Sometimes I read novels and characters think things like, “well, I’m going to get a new job and I bet it will be even better than this one!” So I try to be more like that, and I try to model my inner voice on that perky heroine voice, but you know really there is the unspoken thought, “if you ever quit your job untold disaster will be unleashed.” I’ve been trying to change my thoughts for about ten years. I am not showing improvement. I don’t believe the optimistic thoughts.

Can people become more optimistic? If so, how?

2

I didn’t exactly decide to be more optimistic; however, it was a by-product of remembering to be more grateful. Several years ago, I decided to begin remembering something every day that I was grateful for. I even kept a gratitude journal for a while. After a short time, I discovered that my entire outlook on life began to change to looking at situations and people and life in general in a much more positive way. It literally changed my life.

3

Not quite. But I did turn off my negative thinking patterns. I found that I would project a lot of negative scenarios and ideas over and over in my head. Especially when I was alone, like on long drives. This often caused depression. Once I figured out the pattern (and it took me way too long to figure that out) I started a simple litter interuption of the pattern. Every time I found myself doing it, I would repeat a little nonsense phrase over and over - a mantra if you will. Mine was “Joy, wealth, success.” A friend of mine has “Let go, let God.” But I think any non-negative interuption of the pattern will work. I am much less negative and depressed far less often now.

4

Realize it can’t possibly get any worse, then look forward to the good stuff. It ain’t Dr. Phil but it’s a start.

5

I can’t help but smile. :slight_smile:

6

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Can you fix a problem you’re worrying about it that second? No? Then stop worrying about it.

Concentrate on what good things you have, not the bad things.

Live for today,
Yesterday is but a memory,
Tomorrow is but a dream.

7

You have to take life, and yourself, less seriously. Just think of life as a series of events and decisions. Some events will be pleasurable, some won’t be. Some decisions will be good, some will be bad. Don’t dwell on the past, you can’t change the past. If you get clobbered by an unpleasant event, just treat it as such and more on, don’t dwell on it.

Concentrate on what YOU think is good for you, not what you think others might think is good for you. If you are unhappy with your current situation, make changes. Make wise decisions, but don’t beat yourself up if you made a bad decision, pick up the pieces and get on with life.

Make a pact with yourself to make yourself better every day, better in a sense of what makes you feel good about yourself. Never quit learning and discovering, follow your curiosity.

Remember friends and family members that are no longer with us, rejoice in the idea that they will be by your side, in spirit, for the rest of your life.

Associate with people that have a positive outlook on life. Misery loves company, avoid miserable people. Observe winners, whether it be in sports, business or personal triumph, experience their success vicariously.

Do what you can to help people less fortunate than yourself. Spread the good word.

8

I once worked at a place where a woman was always happy and perky…and like Lou Grant in the Mary Tyler Moore show, “I hate perky.”

Once, I asked her why she was always so…so…happy.

“If I expect good things to happen, they often do.”

Seemed like a simple philosophy. I tried it. It oddly seems to work…not always of course, but enough to keep me doing it. I refuse, however, to be perky when doing so.

I have had to train my SO to do the same…not easy as he is a typical German and can see the bad side of anything…but slowly and surely, I have made inroads. I knew it was working when recently he checked his lottery numbers and said, “hey! I got 4 numbers right!! $45.00!”

Prior to that he would have said, “damn…two numbers away from winning $20 million.”

9

If you’re looking for an epiphany or moment of clarity, it probably won’t happen that way. I remember realizing over a period of time that whatever happens is the best thing that could possibly happen because that is what you have to deal with.

Just one day draw a line in the sand and say you’re not going to be a bitter negative fuck. Life will get better.

10

You could read Learned Optimism or The Power of Now or possibly The Lazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment and if they all fail you The Positive Power of Negative Thinking in which Julie Norem Ph D asks Are you tired of always being told to “look on the bright side”? Are you criticized for imagining worst case scenarios? Do you wish your optimistic friends would just leave you alone and let you be negative? and goes on to explain why one size fits all psychology doesn’t work.

11

Step One

Step Two

Some else always has it worse off than you. If you have your health, a paying job that covers your bills for the most part and comfortable shoes, you got it made.

**Step Three **

If you want to make yourself feel better, go volunteer at a nursing home or group home. If you want to elevate your self esteem even higher, hang out with people who are even more fcuked up than you are. This is referred to as, "Big Fish in Little Pond " However, the draw back is the lacking intelligent repartee, but these fartards will idolize you. I know a couple whose entire social circle is just like this.
Step Four

*Realize that either you are part of the solution or you are part of the problem. * When you turn off your brain to the 'why does this shit always happen to me?" trainwreck thinking and start looking at it like an Anthropological Project, it becomes almost Fun!

a) identify the perceived problem
b) Decide whether or not it can be “fixed”
c) If it can be “Fixed”, set your course of action on how to do so. ( Whether though educating yourself, Therapy ( profession or friends) or Faith ( Let Go-Let God) d) Something Else That I haven’t Discovered Yet.
d) If it cannot be fixed, try to kick it out of your head. When something is living rent free in your Cranium it ends up becoming like some Drunked Teenage Rave.

and now for your Moment of Doper Zen:

d) The obstacle is the path. When you stop viewing the problem as a problem and start viewing it as, " What Life Lesson Can I learn from the Mental Constipation I have to endure and cannot escape because it is my job/family/neighbor?" it will help. At least it is what keeps me from bringing out the cannons and scabbards. YMMV.

Somewhere not so long ago I read that pessimistic people handle crisis better than your Perky Mary’s. (Having witnessed a Happy Happy Family get The Shit Handed to the on a Silver Platter, and how they collapsed like a deck of cards, I can verify this is true. It was my inlaws.) I think that is because Sunshiney Happy People don’t get enough oxygen in the world their brains inhabit and they tend to be deluded, isolated in their thinking. When a Bad Thing Happens to them ( directly or not) they crumble. When a bad thing happens to someone who has had the Monkeys* of Life fling poo at them, they usually recover faster from the shock and start a Plan of Action on What To Do or How To Cope Better or have a much faster fleeing mechanism than the Cheerful Brigade. The Clueless Happy are usually the first to get snagged into volunteering. Not that volunteering is bad. But there is Volunteering on Your Terms or Theirs.

Try to find a balance.

*What is the correct pluralization of monkey? Monkeys looks wrong. Monkies is most definately wrong. I hate using this branch of primates as an example.

12

Band name!

Album and Title Track!

:smiley:
Carry on…

13

Norman Vincent Peale made a career out of turning people into optimists.

14

This is what did it for me. I realized one day that EVERYTHING that makes me angry, or bitter, or annoyed can be fixed. I realized that when I worked toward something it made me feel happier.

I think my first step, however, was finding that I did have a goal. Instead of looking at a problem as a problem – “Damnit, this car sucks” – I looked at it as a GOAL. My car problem would become the exciting possibility of owning another car, a better car, in six months.

My steps would be:

(a) Identify the problem. “I hate this boring-ass job.”
(b) Turn your problem into a goal. “I am going to find a new job in three months.”
© Decide what steps you are going to take to your goal. “Two resumes sent a day!”
(d) If you haven’t acheived your goal in your time frame, make another, more reasonable goal. “I will get a promotion to Cheif Bottle Washer.”
(e) Decide what steps you are going to take to your goal. “Work smarter and better and put my application in to my manager.”
(f) If you can’t acheive that goal…etc.

This has made me a much happier and successful person.

15

Except, of course, I still can’t spell “Chief.”

…will learn to spell Chief by end of day…

16

I turned my life around a lot by making a conscious effort to stop complaining. I used to tell myself that I was just “blowing off steam.” I was using “dark humor” to “cope” with my problems. I was “commiserating.” I was “bonding with others through shared adversity.”

Finally I realized that I was just wallowing in negativity. I would dwell on my problems, rehashing them mentally, building up a litany of things that pissed me off. I wasn’t just blowing off steam because I was not letting things go. Each bitch session was just a rehersal for the next bitch session where I’d perform my finely-honed rants to the next audience. I can’t count the hours I’ve spent mentally composing and polishing Pit posts and their oral equivalents.

And I was (if I say so myself) entertaining. People laughed. They knew I had my pet topics to harp on and they’d intentionally get me off on a rant about them. But people also thought I was a very bitter and negative person.

I finally stopped that behavior. If I find myself wanting to complain about something, to other people or just in my head I ask, “Is this something really important, or is it something I just need to let go?” It’s amazing to realize how much mental energy I was expending by dwelling on small stuff, stuff that just doesn’t matter. It’s actually a relief now to say to myself, “Pfft. That’s not worth your time. Move on to something positive.”

Sometimes you need to complain to people who have the power to change things. And sometimes you do need to blow off steam to a friend about a bad situation and get their sympathy and their advice. As they say, the wisdom is knowing the difference between making reasonable complaints and serving as Captain of the Perpetual Bring-Down Crew.

I wouldn’t label myself an optimist, per se. But I’m definitely glad that I’m no longer a complainer.

17

Gravitate towards positive people. Being around alot of negativity makes it VERY easy to join in the pity party. Once you are away from that element for awhile, you won’t believe how silly a negative persons outlook seems.

Once I’d distanced myself from a particularly toxic friend of mine for awhile, I was amazed at how much I was able to learn about myself from her life. She had a way of convincing herself that the world was out to get her and that she was it’s victim. I believed her for the longest time, figuring that we both had the same crappy luck.
A few months away from her and I began to notice that she literally draws negativity towards herself. For example, she was fired from her last job about a month or two into it. She was beside herself and couldn’t figure out why they would do something like this to her. What she neglected to mention during her “Why me?” bitch session was that she had failed to show up to work sometimes twice a week, but usually at least once every week or two. She constantly bragged about how cool her boss was about her taking time off work whenever she needed to. :dubious:

Watching her downward spiral showed me alot about the way that we view ourselves and our situations and I believe that once you realize exactly how much of your life you are actually responsible for, it is both liberating and terrifying.

My recommendation is to start journaling. Write about your life, write about the way that you perceive the people and situations around you. Every so often, read through what you’ve written and I’ll bet you are amazed at how easily skewed your perception can be.

18

I was born an unstoppable optimist and I’m probably going to die that way, and I can’t tell you why or how. All I know is: I trust that things do work out, that there is some good in people, and that the world–in spite of everything we do to it–is not a half bad place to life.