Die, Foul Rose!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

For years, there has been a Giant Wild Rosebush of Doom in my backyard. For quite some time, it seemed perfectly innocent. It was right in front of a little grove of trees that my sibs and I played around in when we were wee ones. We respected to noble rose bush, and it didn’t bother us. It was no more than seven to eight feet square, after all.

But time went by, and something happened. The rose bush became corrupted. One day, I went to the grove that I had played in as a wee one, to find that it was more overgrown than I remembered. What’s more, there was the occasional brambled rose fine protruding into the space. “What’s this?” I thought. Apparently, sensing the lack of people to watch and check it’s progress, the rose bush had begun expanding…

No one checked on it again for a while longer, and so we were rather alarmed one day to note that our precious little grove had been almost completely assimilated. What’s more, the rose bush now clearly had grown significantly in size. And as time went on, it became more bold. “Ha ha” it thought to itself, “My time has come! No longer must I grow furtively, in secret. I cannot be stopped! I will rule this yard! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Ever since, it has been openly encroaching on everything. We have been forced to stop mowing on the western side of it, partly because of a large mound that now exists just beyond the grove, but also due to the size of the vegetation growing there now. It’s goal is clearly to rule over our entire back yard. There is no question of its evil intentions. It is hundreds of square feet in area now

This must stop. Here and now. For seven years the rose bush has been uncontested ruler of its domain. Starting today, I have declared war on it. I will take back my little grove of trees, and utterly defeat the evil rose bush! War bonds may be purchased here.

The Weapons

Hand weed-wacker
Snip-cuts
Shears
Branch cutters
Spade/shovel

No pathetic thorned vegetation can stand before the awesome technology I have arrayed to defeat it. Rose bush remains will be hauled away by the wagon load!

Admittedly, it would be nice if I had a back hoe…

Soldier’s Journal

Day One

Have beaten back rose bush some eight feet, some 40 sq. feet. Have reduced one growth-area to stumps, and harder work lies ahead. Is very difficult work. Sheer number of branches, overlapping and entangled is v. impressive. Weed-wacker ruined v. early in conflict. Tactics changed to accomodate branch cutters and shears. Is slower going now. Am a bit overwhelmed by it all. I will not give up! Onward to final victory!

2

Heh.

Weed-whackers are useless against viney stuff like young rose canes or BIG stuff like old canes. Unless you have one of those steel-blade industrial things.

Loppers (long-handled pruning shear) for the rough work. Secateurs for the fine work once you get the thing roughly as small as you want to keep it. Gloves. Several pairs.

I have one of these on the side of the house. If we leave it alone it grows fifteen feet in a summer. Every time my gardening friends boohoo about how hard it is to grow roses, I just chuckle and look evil.

jayjay

3

I’m in favour of all random killing of plants.

egg <----embittered hayfever sufferer

4

When I first saw this thread title, I thought of garlic. Probably because there’s an Italian restaurant around here that’s called The Stinking Rose.

F_X

5

For a second there, I thought I’d done something wrong. :slight_smile:

Rose

6

Uncle Rue is getting a flamethrower for Father’s Day next year to help him with his landscaping needs. You might want to hook up with him.

I like to get personal with annoying flora. I use a machete for the little guys and a chainsaw for the big stuff. I have a fencing mask and an old Nuclear/Biological/Chemial protective suit from my military days to protect myself in battle with the vegetaion that can fight back. Don’t forget the blood-curdling war cry as you charge into the fray. Your neighbors will appreciate the warning.

7

jayjay, I DO have a steel-bladed weed-whacker. You swing it by hand. It broke :eek:. All that whacking away at the rose bush caused the bolts holding the blade on to loosen until one came off. Now the blade is hanging on only one end. I need a new bolt. Until then, I use long-handled shears and branch cutters for the detail work. I really need to get this thing fixed. It makes clearing away the lighter stuff much simpler, so I can get to the stumps.

Sorry, Wicked Blue. Didn’t meant to cause any confusion.

Horseflesh, a flamethrower came to my mind as well. Sadly, I have to preserve the trees that the bush has grown around, so I need more precise tools. However, a machete would be perfect. I never knew I needed one until I started in on this task. I’ve been using that weed-whacker in pretty much the same way, but more awkward and less sharp. Note to self: convince father we need a machete.

8

All this, and you didn’t make the obvious remark about the War of the Roses? :wink: