Anyone remember these commercials? Toys for kids. Construction toys even. Battery powered monsters that would lift and dig and what-not. At the end of the commercial, the little kid would scream “Digger Dan Can!” as he was digging a vital construction hole.
That’s not what this post is about. Well, not the toy anyway.
It seems Digger Dan’s little protege grew up, had a couple of kids, and sent them to the same school my kids attend. Digger Dan’s daughter is in the chior, along with mine. Digger Dan is a handsome man, strapping even. He wears nice suits and what appear to be expensive shoes. Digger Dan is still an excavator of the highest caliber. How do I know these things about Digger Dan, you ask? Read on friend, read the legend of Digger Dan.
The choral recital is packed, it’s an exhibition before the kids go to a competition somewhere. Welbywife and I have gone to show support for our child, and to hear the sweet sound of pubescent kid’s voices cracking like mirrors throughout the auditorium. My friend and yours, Digger Dan, is one row in front of me, off to the right. I get a perfect profile of his handsome features. The lights drop a bit, the recital starts, and the excavation begins.
Digger Dan shoves his right index finger into his right nostril and begins searching for treasure. He strikes gold! Out of his nose comes the excavator with the treasure. Digger Dan stores it securely in the mobile storage bin underneath his nose. He takes another plunge! More gold! Digger Dan is having a good day, two perfect nuggets in under a minute. If only the sourdoughs heard of his strike, they would have set up a base camp in his ear and begun mining themselves. There’s gold in them thar nostrils!
Digger Dan decides that he’ll push his mining luck. Perhaps he’ll find another vein of ore near the first. After a healthy and sanitary cleaning of his finger, probing begins in the left nostril. GOLD! The rush is on as Digger Dan finds more nuggets and stores them away. He’s making a killing today, and the riches seem inexhaustible.
After a time Digger Dan realizes that the vein is tapped out. I catch the occasional glimpse of Dan trying to relive the glory days, but alas, the gold is gone. The recital ends, Digger Dan stands and, feeling the heady rush of brief success, plants a big kiss on his wife’s cheek. There is more gold in there, he knows. This is just a temporary setback.
