Discussion: Social Perception of Disabled Individuals

In My Humble Opinion
1

Recently I have been especially conscious of society’s attitude toward disabled people, I’d like to present some of my ideas and experiences and get feedback from you smart people. Social observations from dopers with disabilities are particularly appreciated.

First my situation. I have been living with my girlfriend for about 2 months now, she has a disability causing her to use a wheelchair a lot of the time in public. Being an able bodied person this has really opened my eyes to a few things, firstly the shoddy state of accessibility in a lot of areas as well as people’s reactions and to her…It’s really made me think of how I myself have felt about disabled individuals in the past.

A little background on her condition, she has symptoms of spina bifida which limits her capability to walk. She can stand and walk for short periods of time but uses the chair for any kind of long distance travel, it is purely physical and has no effect on her mental capabilities. Up until recently she lived completely on her own and performed all of life’s tasks including shopping and driving a car (slightly modified) with little to no help. As far as disabilities go it is certainly for from the worst, it doesn’t really affect her life and it’s certainly not a big issue…Which is why it caught me off guard to really start spending time with her publicly.

I have been noticing stares and such for a while, but it wasn’t until today when we took a trip to a theme park did I really notice a string of such attention. Stares are common from children and adults alike, I am more willing to let small children slide as they not yet learned all social behavior…I recognize it as simple curiosity. Remembering times when I have glanced (never stared) at people who looked different I know it was innocent, I simply hadn’t seen many people like that and wanted to know the whys and whens and hows…it didn’t take long to realize it was none of my business and I moved on. Some people stare and whisper very blatantly and that I do not fully grasp. It has been mentioned that people are probably surprised to see an otherwise “normal” looking person in a chair and want to know why she is…I still don’t see it as an excuse.

Another big thing is the way people speak to her. In line for the rides many attendants addressed me with questions about her. I could chalk that up to just being uncomfortable around different kinds of people…I could understand that to a degree, it just kills me to see that the default assumption seems to be that she is mentally challenged and cannot speak for herself. People oftentimes speak to her as if she were a child, much to her frustration (and I don’t blame her). This in particular comes off to me as blatant ignorance…I would never make that assumption of someone who was in a chair.

I realize that these people mean no harm and I don’t blame them, I just wonder why and if there are ways of changing public perception. There certainly are plenty of nice people who treat her like the adult she is, and for them I am grateful.

Very interesting story, she’s told me about a friend she has who is very physically disabled, to the point of not being able to speak(she communicates through other means). The friend however is in full control of her mental capabilities and is apparently quite intelligent. When spending time with this particular friend my girlfriend finds that she is the one attendant and such address and feel more comfortable with…understandable…

She has another friend who has a mental disability but walks upright, when in public with this particular friend, people tend to address the upright (but mentally disabled) person over my girlfriend simply because she is in a wheelchair. Do we subconsciously make these decisions just my looking at a person? My conclusion is it is always best to approach someone as you would anyone else and adjust your communications with them accordingly based on what you perceive as their capacity for understanding. I use the same standard when talking to children whereas most adults seem to talk down to them.

Then there are the people who seem to harbor some resentment toward people in wheelchairs and show agitation with her for simply getting onto a ride or whatnot…As far as those people I just think they are rude and miserable people and I don’t care about what they think…Still I wonder why we as a society produce such types. Thinking back on my childhood studies I was never really introduced to information about disabled people and their challenges in our culture. Perhaps something as simple as more awareness would decrease such reactions to disabled folks all around.

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I had an interesting experience when about 6 weeks ago, I injured my knee and was wheelchairbound for about one week. No cast or anything, so I looked like a healthy person with no obvious reason for being in a wheelchair. I work in a cancer clinic with an attached hospital, and was surprised at how much of the layout was not easy to manage when confined to a wheelchair, even if it was supposed to be accessible. Outside the hospital/clinic, nobody treated me as if I was an idiot or mentally handicapped, and I cannot recall anyone acting resentful of whatever privileges I got because of my limited mobility.

3

I had a friend in college who also had spina bifida. He usually got around with crutches, but he also had a wheelchair.

One day, he and I went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival. He was driving, and I was sitting in the passenger seat. He asked a parking attendant where the handicapped parking was. The parking attendant assumed that, because he was driving, that I must be the one who needed the wheelchair. We got a good laugh out of that one, but it’s kind of sad, too…

4

I had an interesting experience when I was 16, I had to wear a body cast (from hips to over my shoulders) for about 6 months while recovering from back surgery. My surgery was for curvature of the spine, I figure the same kind of cast might have been used for an injury in a car accident or something that could happen to someone otherwise completely healthy.

People did indeed assume there was something wrong with me, and seemed to assume I was likely to be mentally handicapped.

And people, even adults, made some really cruel comments. The comments from fellow high-school students were often unspeakably cruel, but that wasn’t totally unexpected. But for adults to make comments like “What, did you think it was a costume party so you came as a football player?” that was really an eye-opener.

So I do think you’re right, that more awareness and education could be helpful. Maybe there could be a lesson plan similar to the one a lot of high schools do about parenthood, where the kids take care of a fake baby for a week. It might open some eyes, especially about what is accessible and available to those with physical limitations. I know I tried on a gazillion prom dresses to eventually find one that fit.

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I’ve been fortunate enough not to need a wheelchair, but my eyes were opened to the problems faced by those who use one when I had to wheel a baby around in a stroller. The number of places I couldn’t get to at all without some awkward combination of carrying was astonishing. Even where there was a stairs alternative, like the elevator in a department store, it was hard to find and way out of the way. Curbs, I realized must be a major obstacle for a wheeled individual.

6

I don’t think most people are intentionally rude to disabled people. In their discomfort of not wanting to offend, they end up making it worse. And even once you are over the initial discomfort it’s still hard to know what will offend.

My mother has worked at a spinal cord injury rehab center for years. She’s said that even nurses who have worked there for years don’t realize their errors in etiquette until they’ve spent some time in a chair.

The rule I follow is that disabled people are fully aware of their disability, so trying to avoid any reference to it is ridiculous. For example, I will ask a person in a chair to “walk with me” and I will ask a blind person if they “see my point”. I assume that they can do anything unless they tell me otherwise. And if I have questions about proper etiquette, I just ask.

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My youngest brother did Social Service (in stead of Military Service) and got assigned to help an NPO that assists people with brain damage. Most of them got it from a stroke or a car crash.

His remark coming back home the first day, after taking a couple of weelchair-bound people for “walks” was: “we should make the freaking mayor try pushing one of those with a 90kg 40-yo dude in it! accessible sidewalks my ass!” He says that for most of them and for most of the families, the worst part was the problems with communication - having to teach Dad how to talk, and half his face is paralyzed.

I hate it when people talk over my head (I’m not disabled, but many people will do that when I’m with my mother), so I avoid doing it to others. I’ve been thanked several times for things like opening the door for a neighbor who walks with crutches and waiting patiently (other people see her coming and run like hell, rather than get stuck there holding the door for a full ohmyGawd minute), adressing someone in a chair directly or telling a blind person “it’s green now” when an intersection was particularly noisy and the traffic lights weren’t the beepy kind. It’s a real pity that something so easy seems to be unusual :frowning:

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Hey Harriet! I wore the Milwaukee chin-to-hip jacket for 7 yrs instead of the scoliosis surgery and had similar experiences - asked if I was in a car accident, my mom addressed instead of me because people thought I was mentally deficient, etc. I started having some fun w/ it; I was at a Sweet 16 party for a friend and one of her less enlightened relatives came up to me and said, “What’s that thing around your neck?” in a disgusted tone. I looked down fast and said, “Oh my God what is it??” and tried to wrestle it off me. He jumped, I laughed.
That said, my jacket was somewhat hidden by my clothes, I’m sure the cast was far more noticeable. I’m sure you know Isabella Rosselini went through much the same thing as you for her scoliosis.