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Do not do your dishes for three weeks. Permit them to pile up over your entire kitchen so that you have to move great stacks in order to cook.
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Suddenly be in a situation in which someone you want to impress is going to come over.
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Wash your bathtub and fill it with hot water. Add a cup of liquid soap. Bring the dish-drainer and your sponges into the bathroom.
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Carry all the dishes into your bathtub. Put them in. Go use the computer for a while and let them soak.
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Take off all your clothes.
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Start washing. It is necessary to coordinate the washing schedule so that you waste as little dish-drainer time as possible. Start with the glasses and cutlery; fill the dish-drainer. Then do the mugs and pots and pans, which rather than putting in the drainer, you can hang in the kitchen and let them dry like that.
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After the glasses and cutlery have finished drying, put them away and move onto the plates and bowls.
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Drain the tub and take a shower.
Dang, Matt! Thanks a lot, I could have used this if you had only posted it last week! 
Option B:
Get a dog, leave all dirty dishes on the floor.
forget dishes, use paper plates and plastic cups/etc! (i do have 2 real pots to cook with and a cast iron skillet though)
I am unclear on only one thing…
Why do you need to be naked while doing the dishes???
I’ve packed up my two cast iron skillets (they’re GREAT for making roasts!) because I’m going to move to Washington (state)… any time now! Two pots, a steel pan, a kettle. Paper plates for most stuff, bowls for ramen.
I suppose that will have to change if I ever get married. But then, I’ll probably have a dishwasher.
Microwave everything because all your pots & pans are in the sink.
Use increasing smaller plates as real dinner-sized ones get dirty.
Resort to use of potholders as plates when all actual plates have joine pots & pans in the sink.
Order Chinese.
p.s. to Wonko-- I’ve cleaned my entire apartment naked! Why dirty your clothes when you can just hop in the shower after?
Because washing dishes nude is some twisted ritual that matt_mcl and his circle of satanic democratic homosexual cultists devised as a means of starting the sacrificial ritual of a virgin homosexual from a different clan. 
***Yowza!
Johnny, just don’t say that you have two because your favorite move is Eating Raoul…
You can also load the dishes into milk crates and put them in the back of a pickup truck, then go to the car wash. (NOTE: do NOT ask for hot wax.)
Matt, you ought to send that hint to Heloise. She published the hint I sent her, and it wasn’t all that much less weird than yours.
(Cheffie folds his arms and waits for someone to ask what his hint was)
Umm… What was the uhh… Hint? 'Cause I was umm… you know… uhhmmm… wondering?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Johnny L.A. *
**
Ahem. You do mean a Maytag dishwasher, correct???
GREAT flick…
Matt, get thee to the department store and buy a dishwasher!! If you live in an apartment, get a portable one that you can take to your next place. I used to go through the same thing, and life has never been grander since I started using a dishwasher.
Zette
Well, since you ask and you’re obviously consumed with curiosity… quietly slips Wonko a fiver
I had this Tupperware container in the fridge that resurfaced while I was cleaning the fridge out to make room for more stuff…it had been in there so long, hidden at the back of the bottom shelf, that I literally could NOT tell what was inside (in the words of George Carlin, “could be meat, could be cake”)… but I COULD tell that it was noxious, because it moved in a way that was both sloshy and glutinous when you tipped the Tupperware back and forth, and the lid bulged ominously.
If it hadn’t been a piece of my mom’s Tupperware, I probably would have just thrown the whole thing away. Since I couldn’t do that, I contemplated the evil mung inside and it contemplated me. I was thinking of ways to dispose of it without being overcome by the fumes…I believe it was thinking about leaping onto my face as soon as the lid was lifted.
And then it occurred to me to sling the whole thing, Tupperware and all, into the freezer (I remembered that was how they subdued The Blob). The next day, I popped the frozen mess into the trashcan with no smell and hustled the trash out to the dumpster before it could recover from being stunned by cold and start coming after me. Worked like a charm. I just hope some poor garbageman didn’t get attacked later that day.
See, now, all that requires work. Not only have I let my dishes pile up now for three weeks, and the garbage, I’ve ignored my dirty tub as well except to shower in. What do I do to make cleaning the tub easier?
Cheffie, good hint. Now where’s my mash note?
Sandblasting equipment does the trick nicely. Use a coarse grit at first to remove the heavy buildup, then switch to a finer, gentler grit to finish off.
Or… you buy a new tub.
hey Wonko, you gotta sandblaster I can borrow? Preferably one with a long extension cord?
1). Make shoes out of brillo pads & rubber bands.
2). Turn on good music really loud.
3). Dance in the shower.
I use a similar method on my kitchen floor.