Then there’s the people who, when you tell them you are really terrible at X and the world’s better off if you don’t try it, will just not let go until you prove how truly bad you are. Then accuse you of doing it badly on purpose to get out of it.
How about someone who wrote an autobiography? Only they blew it…
I have a relative that wrote an autobiography on one of the self-publishing book sites. He had an interesting legal career including arguments before the Supreme Court. The problem? He got many, many facts wrong. I think he just flat rushed through it and didn’t bother to check anything.
Quite a few relatives are mentioned, but their birth dates, places, and names were often wrong (including mine). Other details throughout are also wrong (from what I gather from more sane relatives). He even misspelled his own father’s name!
I’m now writing my own family genealogy, and he keeps mentioning to check his book for the details. Only problem is that I don’t trust anything in that book as verified. 
Shooting ranges are good places to see people who wildly overestimate their level of competence. Usually, it amounts to no more than them happily turning money into noise while making absurdly huge groups on targets only a few yards away. Normally, I don’t interact with them unless they do something unsafe. FTR,spraying rounds all over a silhouette target 5 yards away is not “combat accuracy” no matter how fast you did it.
I have a second cousin in-law that has a lazy eye. If your not used to it, and don’t see it very often, it’s hard not to look at her, or try to figure out where she is looking. It’s kind of interesting. I think it really could be a mis-interpretation on her part.
And a sister in-law with one brown, and one blue eye. Again, there is something striking about her eyes, and is hard to not spend more time looking at her when you are not used to it.
This.
I don’t know if it’s the American Idol effect, but it’s virtually impossible to convince some singers that they do not sing well.
Yeah, I feel that if someone’s really my friend, then I have a duty to them to be honest about things like this, even if it disappoints them.
I think the larger phenomenon is more of a self-esteem booster via a mechanism of self delusion. Kind of a situation where if they’re not good at something, they’ll appropriate one. Or maybe where they so desperately want to be good at something, that they start telling themselves that they are good at it and eventually believe it wholeheartedly.
My feeling is that most reasonably confident and competent people usually have a good inkling of where they may stand, but take a hedged position and assume that that they’re not as good as they think they are.
And finally, there’s no accounting for taste. This accounts for a lot of the culinary travesties I’ve been subjected to over the years, and also accounts for the lackluster reception of a few offerings of mine that were fine, but maybe not appropriate for that particular crowd in terms of what certain groups of people actually like. I mean, I’ve had vegetable lasagna before, and people raved about it, but all I had was a watery mouthful of zucchini, eggplant, mushrooms, tomato sauce, and a little parmesan cheese. I wasn’t impressed. I’m pretty sure the reason I didn’t like it lay with me, not the cook or the recipe though.
That’s a good excuse for this link. I enjoy her stuff.
A good friend of mine was a theater major in college (though I think he spent as much of his time on the production side of things – lighting and sound – as he did on acting).
In his 30s, he became involved in his local community theater troupe (in a medium-sized town), and was clearly one of the most talented actors in that troupe; he’d nearly always be cast in one of the lead roles, and received some good reviews, and compliments from others (some of whom were involved in low-level professional theater).
So, 3 or 4 years ago, he decided that he was good enough to pursue acting as a primary career. He moved from that town to Chicago (he’s a programmer for a logistics company, and that company agreed to let him telecommute), telling me (and all of his friends) that his goal was to become a full-time actor.
I’m really not any good at evaluating acting talent, other than “wow, he doesn’t know his lines”, so I can’t comment myself on his talent. But, several mutual friends of ours, who are involved in theater, have told me that, in their opinion, his talent level is that of a talented amateur, and that they can’t picture him being able to really make it as a professional actor. (He also has a very large ego, and we all realize that telling him this would go over very, very poorly.)
In the time he’s been in Chicago, he’s had a leading role in three or four semi-professional theater shows, had a couple of gigs in small web series, and a non-speaking background role on a TV episode. He has an agent, and goes on auditions a few times a month, AFAICT. I suppose what surprises me is that he’s not doing anything to sharpen his skills – he’s not going to workshops or classes, not really investing any time or effort in becoming better at acting. I suspect that he believes he’s already good enough, and it’s just a matter of not yet getting that break.
He might need nothing but a better agent.
The entire universe? Or just your spouse?
It may be the “If you have a dream, pursue it” culture.
At least when they converse with other people (male-type people in particular) they don’t have to keep reminding them “Hey, my face and eyes are up here, buster!”
Ha! LOL! and :D:D:D
If you DID have some friends who were delusional in this way, you would not be so quick to call other people “Suck ass friends.”
Imagine a friend with the ugliest damn child you could think of, who goes around entering the child in the “Most Beautiful Child” contests. These contests cost money to enter, and, also, the family cannot afford to enter too many. Mom thinks that ugly child will be their meal ticket once Hollywood/Children’sVogue/SimonCowellVideos/WTF catches one look. Mom, who is a stay at home mom, and should be cleaning and cooking for her husband and other children, neglects them and is spending her time going around showing the kid’s pics to modeling agents, etc… who shine her on and say “We don’t need that look, but, others may want it; go show them.” Also, Mom is religious, or, at least partly, and, like most women, believe that God has given her this child.
Now, YOUR job, Stoid, as a great friend, is to tell Mom that ugly damn child is not going to be a moneymaker as a child model, and, in fact, is driving the family into the poorhouse, instead of making them rich, and that she is wasting time which would be better spent mopping floors.
Sounds easy, for the good friend that you are??? HA! If they don’t give you a beatdown, they will abuse and disown you. They will think that you are jealous or an active agent of evil. God gave them that child…are you smarter than God, or, do you just hate Him, and his gifts to mankind??? All of the great modeling agencies have told Mom to share the child’s pics with other agencies…do you know more than professional modeling agents???On top of that, Aunt Jane and Gram have told Mom what a beautiful jewel the baby is, and Aunt Jane was Mom’s confidante all of their lives, and, whose Mom would lie to them?
No, don’t tell us what you would say, tell us how you would get these thoughts out of a dear, confused friend’s head, because logical arguments don’t work.
I had a friend who considered himself a singer. His singing was good enough for singing around the house without getting mocked, but, certainly by no means even good enough for a local bar band. He got away with his singing at small startup churches, because, if you are familiar with small startup churches, they will let just about anybody sing there. Also, he was dashingly/ruggedly handsome, and teenyboppers and old matrons from the church would compliment him.
I didn’t even try to tell him that his overall singing was bad; I just tried to tell him of a strange quirk that he had developed-he put a vibrato at the end of every line, in every song that he sang! EVERY one. I can’t remember how the conversation went, it was over 30 years ago, but, I do remember that he told me that I had no idea what I was talking about. He was quite animated when he told me this, enough so that I said that, no, I’ve never sung before an audience before, so, yes, it was just my opinion, which I was probably wrong about.
So, if you want to be a non-suckass friend, you are welcome to try and point out one’s horrible failings, but, as for me, I’ll just keep my friendship and my dirty little secrets.
it’s very difficult to imagine any of my friends entering their children in most beautiful child contests…
I think this is often at work. More than a few people really buy into the “All it takes to be great is to really want to be great!” idea.
If your English and spelling are horrible in your first draft, no one cares. But if you read a lot, and pay attention to what you read, when you reread your stuff you’ll see where you went wrong and can fix it.
Typos on posts here don’t count.
If when you read your first draft you don’t cry out “this is really crap!” you aren’t paying attention. Unless you are Robert Heinein, that is.
The only CS faculty member I ever knew who was a good programmer only lasted 2 years at the university, after which he went off to do something productive. So I believe you. If good grad students said these people were good programmers then I’d be worried.
These days they seem to self-publish it since they are sure professional publishing is fixed. My wife is a judge for a book contest where people pay for their submissions. There are few that are really good, but most get trashed after looking at a few chapters.