I'll take Self-Delusion for 400, Alex.

So, my friends A & B had recently split up. I was talking with A, and he informed me that one day out of the blue, B decided that she wanted a rich guy, so she had dumped him.

The amusing part is that I’d talked with B recently also. She had told me that the issue was that A had ongoing problems with getting/keeping a job, and the ones he got tended to be short-term temp jobs telemarketing, etc (he’s in his late thirties). Because of this, she has been having to cover all the rent/bills, which had put her in serious debt. Oh, and he never actually looked for a job, he just played video games and smoked pot all day when the temp agency hadn’t called him with work. She had talked to him about this over and over, with no results, until she was fed up and kicked him out.

Apparently, when she said “You need to pull your weight” he heard it as “I don’t want you because you’re not independently wealthy.”

People are silly.

Yes, yes they are.

I’d be more likely to assume A was exaggerating and at least knew most of what B meant.

She was a bloodsucking, golddigger.
What does she expect, a guy that will actually work???
Man, he dodged a bullet there!

Best wishes,

They always get a little restless like this, when they start realizing that this is really the best they can do. She’ll be back. Then he can surprise her with the bling he won on GTA and propose with a Hot Pocket dinner for two.

I think I’ve heard his song.

I’ve found that people don’t want to take the blame. He doesn’t want to be at fault because he’s a lazy slob. It’s all her fault for wanting a “rich guy.”

grow up… get a job…

it is amazing the lengths of rationalization that people will go to protect their self-image. I include myself in that group, unfortunately.

Unfortunately, it’s always those who are self-delusional who are happier.

Since your title mentions Alex and self-delusion I will assume a Jeopardy! reference won’t be off-topic, in spite of the flow of the thread so far.

On the recent college championship, one of the contestants mentioned his major was in Communications and that he intended to go into broadcasting. We had to put the captions on to get a clue as to what he was saying, his speech impediments were so bad. Intelligent kid who was a whiz-bang with the tough Jeopardy! things, but in the wrong frame of mind for selecting a career.

That reminds me of a story that a friend from another message board related.

She was in group therapy, and one woman in the group always brought in a pair of pink ballet slippers. You see, her childhood dream was to become a ballerina, but her horrible horrible mother crushed that dream. Apparently this woman was about 6 feet tall, very big boned, and a complete klutz. And her slippers showed no scuff marks or any other signs of use. But the reason she never danced was because of her horrible mother.

Not a hijack, I swear, but this exchange just forced me to have to post this YouTube clip that ought to deal with the topic as well as anything else I could say: One Leg Too Few - Cook and Moore

Yeah, I have a friend who got out of a relationship just like 'B’s up above. Nice woman, not too bright or educated, no self esteem, minimum wage job, who dates within her comfort zone, i.e., men who are nice, but not too bright or educated, and so hold down minimum wage jobs. She moved in with one of them for two months and was buying all their food, paying part of his rent, paying for both their cell phones, making a payment on his HDTV, fielding calls from collection agencies… The two of them could have gotten by if he hadn’t been in debt up to his eyeballs. They also spent every spare dollar on the fallback plan: buying lottery tickets and taking weekend road trips to the casino…The relationship ended but yeah, he walked around bitterly castigating her for being a greedy gold-digger, who couldn’t enjoy the company of A Man, but only wanted A Rich Man. What the heck, they had stacks of frozen pizza and 3 liter bottles of Pepsi to live on, and each had 2 packs of Kools a day to smoke, what more could a reasonable girl want? Money-grubbing women, sheesh!

Got another friend who quit work to be a stay-at-home mom 20 years ago, and she is continually telling me she plans to go back to work someday. Someday, she’s going to take some business courses, someday she’s going to find a nice little job in an office near her home, someday she’s going to go back to work part time at her old place of business. Well, turns out all her co-workers at the old place have been LONG gone and that company is trying really really hard to get rid of the employees they DO have. She can’t go to night school because she’ll miss her TV shows in the evening. There are no nice little office jobs near her home, and if there were, they would hire eager young girls right out of college. Not a layabout who’s been sitting home for 20 years and doesn’t know how to turn on a computer!

That’s a great example of why you really can’t fully trust any single side of a story. I often wonder about these “out of the blue” stories; mm hmm, mm hmm, out of the blue, was it? Had no idea there were any problems, eh? Most of the women I know are really reluctant to discuss any problems with their mate - just clam right up and ditch their fella on a whim, really.

Yeah, us women. It’s so hard to get us to open up.

Indeed. On both ends of the relationship as well, beginning and ending. Quite some time ago I entered into a long distance relationship. I assured myself and everyone around me that I knew all the risks and understood all the frustration involved. After a year and a half of paying for airline tickets (mine and his), hotel stays, rental cars, food and entertainment for the time we spent together during which period he lost his job and I also made his car payment a time or two, we started to drift apart. He got a job working off hours, the phone calls got fewer, the chats online were punctuated by long periods of saying nothing. At 2 years in, I finally said that I couldn’t keep up letting life go by while I sat staring at a computer doing nothing. He insisted our relationship was strong but didn’t want to move, didn’t want me to move there, didn’t want to do anything differently to fix it. One day I walked away. I found out from a mutual friend a month or so later that he trashed me on a small message board absolving himself of all blame and saying that I used him for the (infrequent) sex and money. Forgetting of course that I paid for everything.

You can go into broadcasting with a major speech impediment. You just wont be behind the microphone.

Don’t tell Tom Brokaw.

Or Baba Wawa.

People have the most amazing capacity of self-delusion.

Thing is, it is a survival trait.