Dispose of any foodstuff that...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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This began on my LJ after a frantic afternoon of cupboard cleaning. Please add more.

RULES FOR CLEANING THE KITCHEN

  1. Dispose of any foodstuff that you cannot identify.

  2. Dispose of any foodstuff that is hard but that should not be hard, or flaccid but that should not be flaccid.

  3. Dispose of any foodstuff that cannot be distinguished from its container.

  4. Dispose of any foodstuff that is liquid but that should not be liquid, or that is solid but that should not be solid.

  5. Dispose of any foodstuff whose expiry date took place under a different calendar system from your own.

  6. Dispose of any perishable foodstuff that was purchased by a former roommate.

  7. Dispose of any foodstuff that audibly questions your patriotism.

  8. Dispose of any foodstuff about which you have received a letter from any government body, especially CSIS or Heritage Canada.

  9. Dispose of any foodstuff that contains small black dots but that should not contain small black dots.

  10. Dispose of any foodstuff that is holding a general election.

(and Zyada added:)

  1. Dispose of any food that has been through more than one move.
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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff that has evolved enough to tell you what it is and how long it has been there.
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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff who color requires more than one word to describe. (i.e., “yellow” good, “greenish-blue with some white” bad)

  2. Dispose of any foodstuff that is actively attempting to escape from your refrigerator.

  3. Dispose of any foodstuff that has been in your home for more than one presidential election.

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  1. dispose of any foodstuff that has become an ecosystem supporting creatures large enough to see with the naked eye.

  2. dispose of any foodstuff that suddenly no longer requires refrigeration.

  3. dispose of any foodstuff that resembles the latest pictures sent back from Mars.

  4. dispose of any foodstuff that smells like: ammonia, chlorine bleach,laundry detergent, or dog poop.

  5. dispose of any foodstuff that makes lists of rules for cleaning the kitchen.

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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff that greets you by name.

  2. Dispose of any foodstuff that does not appear to be where you left it.

  3. Dispose of any foodstuff that has been there so long, it starts to look appetizing again.

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  1. Dispose of any foodstuffs that, when offered to the dog for disposal, makes said dog run away whining.
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  1. dispose of any foodstuffs, who’s container has started to bulge at the seams
  2. dispose of any foodstuffs, who’s container has actually busted at the seam and has started to leak it’s contents on the pantry shelf
    *note: This has not happened to me, but once I cleaned out the pantry for an elderly neighbor, who’s can goods were so old they had either ruptured or were bulging to look like footballs. ick.
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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff that has begun to consume any other foodstuff.

<Potatos left on their own can almost entirely engulf a box of Jell-O>

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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff that explodes all over the kitchen when you open it.

(Canned tomato sauce. What a mess!)

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  1. Dispose of any foodstuffs that ventures an opinion on any subject. Especially if it disagrees with you.
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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff that is planning to dispose of you!
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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff that puts up a fight upon exit.
  2. Dispose of any foodstuff that discolors the refrigerator, especially permanently.
  3. Dispose of any foodstuff that stages its own sporting events (bonus points if it’s a flea circus).
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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff that roars at you to keep the refrigerator door closed because the light keeps it awake.

  2. Dispose of any foodstuff that tells you, “You look tired. Are you feeling okay? Are you getting enough sleep? Maybe you just need a vacation.”
    Anyone else think “foodstuff” is a funny word?

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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff given to you by your former boyfriend/girlfriend before your new boyfriend/girlfriend feels comfortable enough to venture into your refrigerator alone.

  2. Dispose of any foodstff given to you by a boyfriend/girlfriend after you broke up with them.

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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff that you’re unable to identify as anything but the general term foodstuff.

  2. If it walks like foodstuff, or it smells like foodstuff or it quacks like foodstuff - it’s foodstuff…and should be promptly disposed of.

  3. If the arm on the Arm & Hammer baking soda box in your refrigerator is holding a shield - perhaps it’s time to ditch some of your foodstuff.

  4. If your foodstuff brings back memories of the Junior High School cafeteria or the last time you we laid up in the hospital - it’s time for the old heave-ho.

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  1. Dispose of any take-out foodstuff where you realize the source restaurant went out of business a couple of years ago.

(matt_mcl - what is CSIS and Heritage Canada?)

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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff that posts about you in the Pit.
  2. Dispose of any foodstuff that makes chitterlings (chittlins) gag.
  3. Dispose of any foodstuff that critiques what you’re wearing when you open the refrigerator.
  4. Dispose of any foodstuff that appears to be conducting an arms buildup.
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Promptly dispose of any foodstuff that has mounted its own army, and is about to invade a neighboring kitchen.
Dispose of any foodstuff wearing navy blue. (Erma Bombeck said there is no Navy Blue Food)

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  1. Dispose of any foodstuff that suddenly stops what it is doing and whistles innocently when you open the refrigerator door.
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CSIS is our equivalent of the CIA. Heritage Canada deals with historic remains.