Diversity in the workforce (too mild for the pit)

An email forward from my boss at work:

First of all, I’ve had it up to here…no, here, with “diversity” training. The only message I get out of these meetings is that straight white guys are not the only “types” in the workforce and that we straight white guys should maintain an awareness of the sensibilities and presence of thers who are unlike us. I. Just. Don’t. Care. aboutwhether or not you’ve got skin, let alone what color it is, who gets to rub it and what kind of genitalia it covers.

Second, I’m a lot different from most of my coworkers. I’m not allowed to be who I really am because that would be career suicide. Inclusion, indeed. So what am I supposed to bring to this meeting that represents something important to me and my world? My first thoughts are to bring in a dollar. Because nobody at work would ever see me if not for the money. Alternatively I was going to bring in a large green rock, say it’s kryptonite, and explain that it’s very important to the people on my world because it keeps the marauding supers at bay. I have 30 minutes to come up with something. I’m strongly considering a mirror. If anyone asks I’ll explain it’s because I don’t get to be me so I have to be everyone else I see. When people look at me they see what they want, what’s familiar and have no idea what is going on under the surface.

I thought Show and Tell was supposed to end when we left elementary school.

Just pick something trivial that will fit the spirit of the discussion. Don’t suicide your career with something witty.

If I can’t come up with something else:

I brought my body in to work today.

I am not my body, it represents me. The way I dress it, feed it, groom it and direct its actions are all reflections of my will. Without my body, I am unable to act in any meaningful way within your world or share mine with you.

It’s kind of hard for us to suggest something appropriate with no idea what you mean by;

“I’m not allowed to be who I really am because that would be career suicide.”

Gay? Transsexual? Foot fetish? Felon? Fundamentalist Christian? Muslim? Gangster? Polygamist?

Give us some kind of hint if you want our help. After all we’re not where you work and it won’t be suicide, this is a place where it won’t matter.

My thoughts exactly. You can make a point at this meeting if you want, but seeing as you’ve spent your life pretending to be something you’re not to get where you’re at, now isn’t the time.

And keep in mind that your boss likely thinks that these meetings are as stupid as you do. It’s a matter of showing non-liability in case a so-called walking lawsuit decides to sue the company.

Bring in a large meat cleaver, and sit silently, stroking it.

Remember all that BS I said about not making a point? To hell with that, do this.

This is a loyalty test. The short notice is part of the test. How much buffoonery will you swallow for your company? Do you love diversity enough to join in and be exactly like everyone else or will you be the person who has to be “different” in the diversity class? How much irony can you take before you crack?

I want to suggest you bring something absurd but really, you should bring a family picture or something sappy. Enjoy the sillyness of the exercise.

The H/R exercises are just attempts to cover themselves in case of a lawsuit H/R can show the courts that they don’t follow a pattern. One of the key things to proving a case of sexual harrassment or harrassment in general (creating a hostile working environment) is that the hostility must be methodically applied.

Trainging like this breaks that cycle. It doesn’t matter whether it’s effective or not you just have to show it was not on purpose. Which this would do.

So just do what they ask and “wear it” for a hour or so, then go back to your job. Especially in today’s job market, there’s a time to fight your battles and this isn’t it.

One thing in common with all those choices - they all distrust an atheist. That’s something I don’t ever admit to in the workplace.

He’s an Avatar and it’s Na’vi diversity training day.

I have brought a cup of WATER. It is important to my world, because life would not exist without it.

I too want to know what you are that is so different.

But this is a really really stupid thing. If I wanted to talk about said important thing I would have already. I’d wear my Om pendant, which my grandmother gave me, but I wouldn’t want to sit in a circle or something and talk about it. Shoot me.

You mean the cleaver, I hope. :wink:

Edit the crappy email and say that good writing is important to your world.

Walk in naked and tell them you’re a nudist.

This would require your team and yourself to bring one item representing something important to you and/or your world.**

Bring a globe, tell them you’re from Earth and that you come in peace.

The suckup response that management would love to see would be a picture of your family.

Wasn’t there a thread the other day about masturbation and ice cream?

But, that’s two things, so you would have to choose. The ice cream would melt before you got the to meeting.

I am. However, I figured out all by myself that is one bit of diversity that I am better off not sharing in the workplace. There is nothing to be gained by pointing out the company’s insincerity in this matter.