Je ne comprends pas
Your description of your activities from the OP sure sounds like that. To quote you from the first post:
Asking about music from someone’s country of birth is akin to making leprechaun jokes?
From the other side…
Because I am a whitey, I am always asked where I am from. I reply, from Campeche. It is another Mexican state. I now live in Yucatan. And then they will ask, but, where are you from originally? I answer, I have lived in Mexico for over ten years. I am a proud Mexican national. Papered. Mexican passport, todo.
And I continue. I was born in California. But California was once Mexico, so, in my mind, I have always been a Mexican. They usually get a big kick out of that.
Bottom line, I love Mexico. Have no desire to reside in the US of A. I may speak fluent Spanish and Maya (the indigenous language of the Peninsula), yet I am still a whitey, in a land of brownies.
It used to bother me. I so wanted to be accepted as a Mexican. But, I have realized that their questions are of curiosity. As many have family in the USA. And they have accepted me with open arms.
But, I will always look different. And they will continue to ask.
Why would you assume that any particular individual has knowledge or interest in any particular kind of music?
That’s the problem here: You’re not treating individuals as individuals but rather as representatives of s foreign culture.
If you are interest in getting to know a person, you find out what that person is interested in without making assumptions.
I can talk about my love for Melville and Van Morrison and Battlestar Galactica and Woody Allen and Eliza Shlesinger and cheese and Korean food and secularism. If a stranger immediately starts demanding information from me about Bollywood films and dosas snd Islam and biris, what am I supposed to think?l about him? That he isn’t interested in me as an individual.
How about, if only for purposes of this thread, we try of dial back the outrage (as already suggested above) and try to give a clearer and civil discussion of this? OP seemingly means well, but is perhaps a bit unclear on the necessary tact and finesse involved.
In a mostly-liberal, politically correct society such as we often try to be, we overtly celebrate multi-culturalism. Children in school are taught about, and to appreciate, all sorts of non-American cultures. We encourage people from other cultures to retain their native languages, native dress, native customs, native cuisine, native festivals and so forth. Gone are the “good old days” of the Melting Pot, when immigrants were expected to totally assimilate to American culture and totally abandon their native cultures in all those ways.
So it’s not at all odd that OP feels it’s socially proper to show an interest in foreign cultures, and to bring it up as a conversation subject with seemingly foreign people.
Still, it can certainly be off-putting to be on the receiving end of such interest, certainly if not done with sufficient diplomacy. In a word, the OP’s tone comes off sounding overtly patronizing.
The best advice I can suggest for the OP is to not be the one to bring up the subject. When you hear those “other” people discussing their roots (be it first, second, or tenth generation), and if the conversation seems casual enough that you can invite yourself to join in it, then you can talk about their roots too. But be a follower, not a leader, in any such conversation.
The exception might be if there is any specific interest you want to address – an example being the post above in which the poster expresses a specific interest in Indian cuisine, and starts a conversation on that specific subject with anyone he perceives as being Indian. That, at least, has the potential to work out okay.
I think I stopped being an Asian and I’m now either a Pacific islander or an Austronesian or something. As to the OP, no. Like I need understanding. :rolleyes:
That’s a funny story. Whenever I hear anyone go on about illegal immigrants (here in the US) I point out to them that the only person I know for a fact is an illegal immigrant is an American guy who lives in Cancún. He went there years ago on a tourist visa and never left. His passport is long expired, he has no ID, can only work “under the table” jobs, and he actually lives in fear of Mexican immigration authorities finding out about him.
If the person you’re talking to was born and raised in the US, why would you assume that they would be familiar with the music of their ancestral country? Would you expect some guy who was born and raised in Toronto but whose great-grandparents are from Dublin to be familiar with Irish folk music?
For a decidedly politically incorrect treatment of this issue, view this 20-minute animated cartoon, which displays in exaggerated caricature what the OP might be doing: (Note, any appearance by human characters is probably totally unrelated to the main story, and serves only to fill the time, and can be ignored.)
Father of the Pride – Thanksgiving Episode
Synopsis: Larry and Kate (the lead characters, a pair of lions) display rather overt racism against a family of turkeys. Kate runs for prez of the local PTA, makes some totally insensitive remarks, gets unmistakably negative reaction. Larry and Kate decide to invite the turkeys over for Thanksgiving dinner to [del]make amends[/del] show off how open-minded they are (totally oblivious to how offensive Thanksgiving is to turkeys, for whom Thanksgiving is a holiday in which they tend to get eaten). Larry and Kate proceed to display non-stop ignorant and offensive social faux pas as they attempt to show an interest in the turkeys.
(I don’t know how the episode ends, because I could only stand to watch about a third of it.)
It’s all about time and place.
Most people are happy to share their culture, assuming they have something to share beyond “I dunno, my mom makes good dumplings I guess”) but it’s presumptuous to assume that any given ethnic person is automatically willing to be your on-demand personal tour guide. There is a real and meaningful difference between having a conversation with someone as an individual, and grilling someone like they are the guest speaker at your cultural anthropology class.
And of course in a general context don’t want to be the personal ambassador of an entire culture. They only know a small part of it themselves (I’m an American, but I can’t speak for what it’s like to live in the Bible Belt or on life on the Reservation), and they probably have plenty of areas where they have mixed feelings, complex emotions and maybe just plain ignorance that they aren’t ready to share with any random curious stranger.
I love history, and I love hearing stories about the past. But I’m not going to walk up to any random old guy and ask him “So, what was it like in the Korean War?” It’s presumptuous to assume he was in it, it’s presumptuous to assume he wants to talk about it, and for all I know he has very good reasons not to.
There are plenty of contexts where learning is the focus. Want to learn about China? Take a Mandarin class. visit the Chinese New Year celebration in your town. Read a few books. Host an exchange student. Join a Chinese Food MeetUp group. As you do these things, you’ll meet plenty of Chinese people that are in sharing mode. And with any luck, you’ll eventually be invited to visit someone’s house or go to a religious service or whatever and you’ll start to have a much deeper and more nuanced cultural experience than you’d have just by throwing questions at someone.
The OP comes off as kind of clueless and stubborn about remaining clueless but this right here’s just about the most condescending and patronizing sentence that’s been posted in this thread.
Hey, maybe it does come down to a personality thing and I’m basically Otto from A Fish Called Wanda 
… but I’d personally find it a bit embarrassing to pull the “how dare you ask me anything, can’t you see I’m a unique snowflake” routine. It actually can be kind of fun and rewarding to be a resource for other people.
Some of it is also raw repetition.
The first time someone asks about your culture, it’s fun and flattering. The next hundred times, it feels good to be a resource. The next thousand times, it start get getting repetitive, but hey, what can you expect.
But the third time this morning, when you are running to the store for cold medicine in your sweats with uncombed hair and a hacking cough? No. You probably don’t want to be playing amateur cultural ambassador at that point in your life. You want to get your damn cold medicine.
Depending on who they are and where they, lots of people hit the “Ok, it was cute for a while but I’ve seriously answered that question 10,000 times and I’m done with it” point somewhere around the end of first grade.
If that’s the sort of reaction you often get from people when you try to “show off some knowledge about the art/language/politics of other countries” then it probably is because you’re coming across like an Otto type rather than someone who has any sincere interest in learning about others.
Okay, now you’ve topped it. “Special snowflake” is a few degrees more offensive than “dial back.”
How about “You don’t know anything about me. Why are you making assumptions based solely on my perceived race?”
Look, now that you know that this is an issue, it’s on you. You’ve been told that for minorities these kinds of things are fraught. What you choose to do about it now will say something about you.
I’m not even the first one in this thread who suggested “dial back…”. See Post #19.
So you found another post that’s equally as condescending? Congratulations?
I work with people from all over. Our non-work conversations can range widely. As we get to know each other, we share more about personal & family backgrounds. But I don’t begin our acquaintance by asking them questions based on how they look.
Didn’t read the other responses.
If you ask me to recommend music from my country, I’ll warn you that I’m not up to date and ask what kind of music are you interested in.
If you ask me to dance flamenco for you, and depending on legal and laboral consequences, I may:
- tell you to kiss my ass,
- ask how good your square dancing is (this is valid only for people whom I know do not square dance),
- get a sudden attack of deafness,
- or play verigüés fandango (but still not dance it).
The first request indicates curiosity, the second one is being a jerk.
ETA: oops dupe, asked to have this one removed.