What Americans know and Canadians just don't get.

In My Humble Opinion
1

I should preface this by noting that I’m a Canadian living and working in the US. I’ve always admired America and not just because your dollar seems to be worth about 50% more than the colour coded Canadian funny money.

What I admire about America and Americans in general is their indominable pride. Yes all that flag waving and overly developed sense of self importance can be annoying on the surface but underneath it all is… well, the basement… but under that is something we Canadians just don’t get. It’s pride in one’s identity. Yes, yes, many of my fellow Canadians will say they are proud of being a Canadian. So am I. But it’s not the same type of pride I sense from the Americans.

I’ll use two examples…Firstly, my four year old daughter (Canadian as well) recites the Pledge of Allegiance in school. Now I could do without that “…one nation under God…” shite but what’s cool (and scary) is that all the little tykes in her class take it so seriously. I’m not about to try to explain to her that she is under no obligation to recite this speach - most obvious reason is that she is not an American.

Secondly, I admit that I delight in watching The West Wing TV show. Now I know it’s a very loose interpretation of how thing happen in the White House. I’m sure somebody here will come along and tell me how really loose it is. I’m under no illusions here. But consider this… we Canadian don’t have a show that even remotely rivals this. We don’t have a show (to the best of my knowledge) that makes us feel in any way proud or even remotely nationalistic about being Canadian. I would love to see a show about our PM kicking ass and taking names. Unfortunately that’s not likely to happen any time soon (have you seen our PM?.. the man is an embarassment when speaking publicly!)

Now to a great extent I like not being overly nationalistic because I know that extreme nationalism can lead to some very unpleasant consequences. On the other hand I can’t help but admire you Americans. It must be great to believe (to some extent) that you really are “…One nation under God…” - whatever that means…

2

What are you kidding me? What about the Kids In The Hall? THAT’S WHAT CANADA’S ALL ABOUT! :smiley:

jarbaby

3

What Canadians don’t get…

The difference in what WE call bacon and what THEY call bacon.

4

I know. It’s a heresy. But if you look around and find the thick cut Virginian bacon then you’d be very pleasantly surprised.

Now what Americans call “Canadian Bacon” is simply in-excusable… (it’s also ham, but I digest…)

5

I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve never seen that show. It’s a comedy show spoofing politics, right? We Canadians are pretty good at comedy, eh.

6

Seems to me Canadians don’t get that less government is better than more government. Canadians pass laws about EVERYTHING!!

7

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by jarbabyj *
**

Look at me, I’m a funny bunny!!

And don’t forget SCTV!

8

Politics aren’t really a blip on their radar, actually.

Politics is spoofed by the Royal Canadian Air Farce and This Hour has 22 Minutes (The latter being one of the funniest shows on the face of the earth.).

9

I consider myself lucky indeed to be an American, and am proud of my country.

On the other hand, pride in ones country/heritage can be awfully overrated. Canadians may not have much in the way of a shared history, heritage or culture (beyond pop culture and kitsch), but for Pete’s sake, Canadians have it better than 95% of the people on this planet! They have peace, prosperity, good health, a beautiful country, political/religious freedom… doesn’t sound too shabby to me!

Look, the Palestinian Arabs, the Serbs, and the Hutus all have a TREMENDOUS sense of pride in their heritage and culture, a pride that comes with believing they’re better than everyone else. But would any sane Canadian trade his pleasant, boring life in the suburbs of Toronto for the life of a Serb? Heck, no!

The ONLY thing I dislike about Canadians is their tendency to define themselves in negative terms. That is, the ONLY thing that unites them is shared disdain for the USA!

10

QuickSilver, you dim-bulb, traitorous, rancid sack of striated beaver shit. Here’s what true Canadians know that you spineless, dot-com-chasing, buggy-eyed, incontinent ex-pats couldn’t sell your whoring mother at a steep discount to buy two-thirds of weather-worn clue about.

Fact is, Canada is, by far, THE BEST place in the world to live, and we true Canadians know it down to the marrow. We don’t have to spout off about it incessantly like some hirsute, muscle-headed gay-bashing closet queen who can’t come to grips with his desire to stick his pee-pee up David Hasselhof’s bunghole. Who the fuck are those loud-mouthed Yanks trying to convince? We know it, and if you’d pull your head out you’d see that every-fucking-body on the planet knows it, too. The difference is we don’t need to say it.

“Oh, but no, it’s all about money. Gotta have my money. And I don’t want my government taking any of it. No, no.” Shut your dribbling pusshole, you festering, regurgitated pig testicle. When the going gets tough, the ex-pats come crying back to mother Canada, falling back on the social systems they haven’t supported since they started raking in American cash. Or you think you’ll haul your stinking carcass back up here and retire with all the bucks you saved, only you haven’t saved any 'cause you blew your wad on Trans-Ams and piss-water beer just like everybody else in your gated community.

Meanwhile, your kids go to school wearing Kevlar and dodging bullets at recess, learning Webster’s Simplified English for Dummies and how to celebrate diversity by assimilating foreigners into the melting pot. “One nation under God,” after all.

You want indomitable pride? (Or “indominable” – what is that, American spelling?) Come over here, buddy. I got ten inches of indomitable pride for you right here. Just bend over and I’ll drive it home. Ten inches of big, hard Canuck up your cornhole; better pull the wads of butt-ugly greenbacks out first, though, you whining, giddy simpleton.

You can sure admire the Yanks for coming up with some farcical bullshit TV show about what “really happens in the White House”. Yeah, there’s something to be proud of. “I know it’s not real, but I’d be proud to be American with damn fine programming like that.” The Yanks deserve you, buddy. You want to know what good TV is? How about thirty hours of beautifully done Canadian History? Only on CBC, pal, and I’m damn proud my tax money went into that.

Like you’d want to see some TV show about what really goes on in the White House, anyways. “Stick the cigar in a little further, Monica.” I find better porn on any Canadian TV station after 9:00PM. You want to see our prime minister kick ass? You missed it, buddy! He did it already. Didn’t you see when he grabbed that protester and strangled him? The guy who looked like Ernie from Sesame Street? Yeah, it took an American to make Ernie, but it took a Canadian to publicly throttle him. Like you really want to see a show about Bush and Gore. Oh, yeah, interesting programming there. Give me a show about Svend Robinson the prancing, commie tree hugging euthaniser and Stockwell Day the young Earth creationist gay basher whose muscular butt homos fantasize about… you can’t make shit like that up.

You like America so much? Stay there. Just another example of why America is Canada’s toilet.

Oh, and by the way:

:wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink:

Just an example of our wonderful Canadian humour. Note the “u” in humour, you silly Yanks.

11

I think that you’re the one that doesn’t get it. We are simply full of national pride. We ooze it. Of course, our main source of national pride is not being American, as astorian pointed out. Still, it unites us all as one. I don’t need a pledge of allegiance to demonstrate my feelings about Canada. I show my feelings everytime I put a u in colour, or honour, or any other word that requires it. I sing the ABC song, and make sure my kids know that it’s Zed. Not Zee. Zed. I dutifully watch our national channel, The Comedy Network. I use my fingers to squish someone’s head at a distance, and I drink Molson. I tack “eh” onto my sentences. How much more national pride could I show?

St. Attila, you actually left me speechless for about five minutes. I still don’t feel qualified to remark on it.

12

Hum. Had to check which message board I was on again. Thought I had slipped into The Pit.

If your telephone is ringing, it’s the Vatican taking back that “Saint” title.

Regards.

PS. I actually like the Canadian National Anthem better than the United States’ Anthem. Often wanted to say that going through customs when they ask if you have anything to declare.

13

What Americans know and Canadians just don’t get:

Charging $10 (Can.) to exit the country JUST AIN’T RIGHT.

14

QuickSilver on the PM:

And this differs from the U.S. president in what way?

Bean Counter:

I like any anthem better than that cacophonic noise sung by drunken aristocratic wastrels that we use in the States.

15

lolagranola: I’ll wait.

Bean Counter: Sometimes I’m more Attila than Saint. The Vatican can snack on my colon.

AETBOND417: I know a guy who got back into the country by saying “r-r-r-r-roll up the r-r-r-rim to win” when they asked for his passport. Well, actually, that’s not true, but the border guard got a good laugh out of it. (If you’re American you probably won’t get that, and I’ll be divulging national secrets… oops)

16

  1. “Yanks” only refer to those poor Americans who did not have the good luck to have been born in the South.

  2. Your dollars are worth more as surrogate Monopoly cash than as actual currency. Also, it’s really hard to take a purple dollar with a picture of a turkey on it seriously.

  3. Just because some tart from across the ocean puts on a tiara and shouts “We are not amused!”, does not mean we have to give a shit.

  4. Your beer is overrated.

  5. So are the Barenaked Ladies.

  6. Hockey is not a sport. It’s demolition derby without the cars.

  7. Our crime rate might be higher than yours, but at least we don’t A)Have our citizens getting periodically molested by moose and racoons, and B) Have our laws enforced by horse riding, Smokey The Bear wannabies. Not even in Texas.

  8. If you’re going to steal our culture, at least get the decade right.

  9. We’re better than you.

:smiley:

*P.S. Nice to meet you, St. Atilla. That post was hillarious! *

17

You say that like it’s a bad thing. :wink:

18

I would just like to say at this point that I much prefer the Canadian educational system, at least :smiley:

(Although at the rate Mike Harris is going we may not be able to say that much longer, in Ontario anyway… :frowning: )

19

When I was in Asia, sometimes I would be asked what the difference is between Europeans and Americans.

I would say, “well, the major difference is that Europeans think they’re better than everyone else.”

I would get a puzzled look, and again be be asked, “how is that different from Americans?”

I would then reply, “You’re not listening to me. I said that Europeans think they’re better than everyone else . . .”

20

Lucky to be born in the South, are you Sealemon88? I take it you’re not black.

I’m beginning to think Noah Webster dumbed down English specifically for you Southerners. Y’all aware that studies of inbreeding have shown that the spelling gene is recessive?

(If you don’t understand what that means, ask your mom… aunt… whatever.)

PS. Thanks… for the compliment, and the opportunity :slight_smile: