A few comments.
Canadians refer to all Americans as “Upper Mexicans”. This sumarizes both their history and their love of funny hats. Being further South just makes you a little more low-down.
Canadians never wanted to make the turkey a national symbol, unlike Ben Franklin (it just sort of happened). America is the only place to make all their money the same colour. Not only does this help confuse the genetically disadvantage that people your shores and government, but it makes it easy for the Iraqis to counterfeit, which they are believed to do to the tune of $20,000,000,000. When I play Monopoly, I like to be the shoe.
You don’t give a shit when all your cousins marry, why would you be bothered by history or world events? Hey! I think wrestling is on!
So is alcohol. At least our beer contains some. Miller and Genessee produce much crappier beer than you can get in Cuba or India. Premium brands like “Maine Shipyard” were clearly intended to go into the boat’s motor.
We tend to give you our cuilturasl detritius when we are done with them, and keep the good stuff (like the Hip) for ourselves. The people overrated them are Americans. You can also keep William Shatner, Tom Green and Paul Schaeffer. We just lent you Shania Twain to convince you suckers to spent your bloated tourist dollars in Sudbury, so we don’t have to.
Well, it’s not a sport like XFL, or Tempation Island, or whatever candy-ass activities you watch while drinking the cowpiss we export to you guys. Demolition derby without the cars? Where do I sign up?
You tend to be on the molesting end. The plural of moose is “meese”. Raccoons (spelled thusly) only molest Upper Mexicans; it took years of training by the Canadian armed forces but is their biggest success in years. The RCMP only enforces the law in seven of the ten provinces. They often wear turbans. They don’t prevent forest fires. Texans enforce the law by removing offensive anti-pollution statutes and executing the downtrodden.
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7. If you’re going to steal our culture, at least get the decade right.
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Pretty fly for a white guy. What decade do you think it is now? I hope when I’m eighty, I can still dress like a twenty year old using all the hip and fashionable culture from the 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s, 10s, 20s, 30s and 40s. Steal your culture? Bacteria breed freely. You can keep your Staph and your recessive genes, just keep your hands off our magazines.
Of course. Your better than everyone, and god too. Even god will eventually talk English to you if you repeat it often and loudly enough. Sort of poetic the way that deep down, god is just like any other foreign type. Pass the aerosol cheese.
Incidentally, many of our leaders have been Rhodes scholars or academically gifted, much like Bush and Cheney. This Hour has 22 Minutes is the sharpest political satire since Yes, Minister. Who else could convince three million people to get a major political candidate to change his name to Doris? The American pride comes at the expense of Americna humility, a rare commodity if ever their was. The fact that four year olds take pomp and ceremony seriously does not make it less pompose or more cerebral.
