Dear gods, yes. So I’m not the only one. Waiting tables gave me a sort of set of “scripts” that I could use later. It helped that as a waiter my role was very clearly defined–it was pretty easy, for example, to have a list of “appropriate things to say” and “appropriate things to do.” Every interaction with customers opened exactly the same way, tended to proceed the same way, and deviations were very simple to deal with. Usually, anyway. Once I realized how much less stressful this made interacting with people (especially strangers, for me) I started “collecting” other scripts. Scripts isn’t quite the right word–it’s more flexible than that. Maybe formulas for understanding what to say and how to understand the response of the person talking to you? Something like that.
I spent most of grade school and high school as a complete social outcast. I never really understood how people could find it so easy to just walk into a room full of people–a party, say–and actually start talking to people and making friends. I watched people do it all the time but could never figure it out. I’m still not good at it, and I’m not comfortable in a large group unless I can find a pre-defined role–making drinks, waiting tables, selling tickets, whatever. Then I can use a script. And most of the time these days, I actually seem completely normal. And of course, you can’t see my social ineptness on the internet. I love the internet!
High school is particularly hard. Maybe a therapist would help. Maybe a summer job waiting tables would help? Someplace where she practices interacting with people, in a clear, defined way—and where she has to dress neatly, that will help too. Just a thought.
