That’s fantastic. Can you let me know the secret that your kids learned to never, ever be punished for anything throughout their entire childhood?
I don’t think it’s that, so much as the threats to punish them. To me that’s the difference — you don’t have to have threats of punishment hanging over their heads. It’s preferable to lead with a carrot, than to whack with a stick. Punishment is to be meted out when warranted, but lessons are better relayed when the desired outcomes are explained instead.
My German mother, who is very progressive, never really had that talk with me. She simply told me to find a man who loves me for me, and not mainly for my body.
My grandmother, on the other hand…well, she had those talks with me nearly every time we met. Specifically about American men. She thinks they’re the #1 culprit of such attitudes.
Sure, I agree with this. And explaining desired outcomes to my kids are something I do everyday. And luckily, I don’t have to say “and if you don’t, THIS will happen” except my son needs reminding that if he doesn’t get good grades, his computer game time disappears.
But strange boys that my daughter wants to date don’t have the years of that trust that I’ve built up, so a nice “shocking” introduction is a good thing.
Sort of like this
That’s just fuckin terrible.
You’re all over the place. You post wretched shit like that asshole’s comedy, and when folks challenge it, you’re all, “your kids learned to never, ever be punished for anything throughout their entire childhood?”
No, dude. Nobody is saying that teenagers always make the right decision. Nobody is saying you can’t guide your kids. Nobody is saying that protecting your kids isn’t part of the job description of being a parent.
But sexual exploration is fraught for kids who are engaging in developmentally-appropriate exploration. They need to know that they’re safe, that they know how to be safe, and they need to know that if things aren’t safe they can come to you for help.
Making murder jokes at their potential partners doesn’t help any of those goals.
They have a pretty good built in sense of what is right. I’m sure that they got punished in the go to your room fashion once or twice, but I can’t remember anything specific. My older daughter sent herself to her room. And certainly nothing big.
Now the older one started working professionally in fourth grade, and never was unprepared.
Now, I could have easily read the riot act to her boyfriend when she was 15, but would have made them sneak around. I was a bit dubious about him, but he was devoted to her, stuck with her through bad times, and they got married once she was ready. So my preemptively yelling at him would have only screwed it up. I also know she is strong willed enough that they didn’t do anything she didn’t want to do.
I’m not saying all kids are like this - it is just an existence proof. I know some kids who are real messes, but yelling at boyfriends wouldn’t have helped.
My wife said that the best thing her parents ever said to her is that she could come to them for help at any time, no matter what.
I don’t think she ever had to, but we said the same thing to our kids, and it paid off one time. I don’t want to go into detail.
Teenagers are becoming independent, like it or not, and acting like this is awful isn’t going to come out well.
I guess attitudes in the link are the reason that the teenage pregnancy rate is so low in the South.
My mom taught me all about birth control, sexuality, and independence. I never got pregnant, never got an STD, and the one time a guy hit me the date & relationship was over in a flash. We’re doing the same thing with my partner’s child and it’s working great. Knowledge works so much better than threats.
Since you posted this, are you a person that actually has no problem going to prison (whether it’s back or not), or are the threats just a complete bluff that you’re hoping the kid doesn’t see through? Because cutting one parent out of your daughter’s life until she’s an adult seems a lot worse than finding out she fooled around with a guy. And expecting people who’s ability to assess risks to themselves not to decide that bluster is, well, just bluster also doesn’t seem all that bright. Neither one is actually a very good look.