I got this talk when I was a teenager. In my case, I’m sure it was an effort to dampen my interest in boys (not that it worked).
I don’t have any kids, so I wouldn’t know what parents do nowadays. I would hope that they’d take a more enlightened, softened approach than our parents did back in the 60s.
Has anyone had a talk of this kind with their daughters? Or is it something not done anymore, since teenagers are so precocious nowadays?
When my mom gave me The Talk, apart from telling me about periods, she said “I don’t want you thinking about boys till you’re in high school.” Well, by the time I got to high school, I was terrified of boys. I also had no idea how reproduction worked - to the extent that after hearing “Children are a gift from God” for so long, I couldn’t figure out how teenagers managed to trick God into giving them babies.
But she never said that men are only after one thing.
I tried to be as honest and straightforward with my daughter as her age warranted. I never used the scare line on her. Then she went on to teach sex ed to 7th graders, going into much more detail than I ever gave her. I’m confident that my granddaughter will get the correct clinical and emotional information when she’s of age.
My school took sex ed quite seriously. Mom completely skipped any and all Talks, other than handing me a pad when I got my first period (which of course happened at 3am, and I guess I was lucky it wasn’t 3pm in class) and on the next day a box of tampons.
I don’t know whether the two things are related, but I’m grateful for Mrs. I’s class.
Actually, the first big talk I remember was … how can I put it … the “Don’t Be a Manipulative Bitch” talk. LOL
I was well into my 11th year when I really began to understand the power I had as a female over boys. I showed up at home with a really nice bike that didn’t belong to me. My mom asked me where I got it, and I answered that a boy (I forget his name) said I could use it any time I want. To my mind that meant that, since I really liked it, I could just take it home and use it all the time. Anyway, she immediately told my dad, and they took me into the den for a big talk. I understood what they were saying, but I still didn’t like taking the bike back. My dad followed me and drove us home.
My wife sure didn’t. She got our girls on birth control relatively early (to regulate their periods, you see). And they were told that not sleeping with your boyfriend/husband before marriage is stupid.
My generation often got the prudish advice, though I don’t think my wife did. So we often won’t pass it on. I’m not sure about the generation who didn’t get the prudish advice.
I commend your mother. We tried to warn our boys about this but I don’t know if they were listening because they only had one thing on their minds.
My mom managed to almost avoid any talk about sex. I was talking about the “beware of guys because they all lie in order to get you into bed” lecture. And hell, FairyChatMom, my mom told me I was too young to date when I was a junior in high school!
Now that we’re on the subject, I wonder how single fathers broach this subject with their daughters: “Look out for us guys, we’re all liars”?
Wait, are you saying those guys who told me “my car’s outside, wanna come fuck” were lying? 
I thought single (or divorced) dads quietly threatened all suitors with death or dismemberment for even THINKING of touching our daughters. At least, that’s what I plan on doing. Is that wrong?
Hell yeah, I told my daughters the gory details. They were thoroughly grossed out at first. By early teen years they had asked hundreds of questions. I never sugar coated it but I tried not to scare them. So far it seems to have done the job. They seem ok.
I don’t know, but my daughter is 11. What is this softer, enlightened approach you are proposing?
Yes, incredibly. It’s sexist and demeaning by indicating you control your daughter’s sexual behavior instead of her controlling it and that your consent matters more than hers. Also a double standard when you don’t have the same concerns about consensual sexual behavior that your sons choose to engage in and don’t similarly threaten the son’s dates for a willingness or desire to engage in consensual sexual behavior.
Yeah, gross.
I got two girls. At some point they’re gonna be interested in sex. It’s not something I particularly want to think about, but part of being a good dad means getting them ready for this part of their life.
At this age, it means teaching strong ideas about consent: with a few medical/safety exceptions they get to choose who touches their bodies and when [within obvious boundaries]. As they get older, it’s gonna mean helping them navigate dumb messages about sexuality and make sure they have the space to figure out what they want their own to be.
I’ll be honest, I punt questions sometimes (“Daddy, what’s a brothel?” my 9-y-o asked me when I didn’t turn the news off quickly enough, and I said I’d talk to her later, but never got around to it); and sometimes I let my wife handle things that maybe I should be able to talk about myself.
But when/if they get boyfriends, the plan is to make sure they’re keeping their bodies safe, and that they know better than to let themselves be pressured into anything they don’t want, and that they know both how to minimize the chances of getting into a coercive situation and that if they do get in a coercive situation it’s not their fault, and stuff like that.
I’ll tell them that boys are often really interested in sex, and that girls are too, and that a boy’s interest in sex doesn’t put her under any obligation, any more than a rando’s interest in friendship would put her under any obligation.
But I won’t be some sort of freako who threatens boyfriends. That’s gross as hell.
IDK. There were a couple of boyfriends my older daughter brought home i wanted to threaten. Whew! A scary minute or 2 when she was going through a emo stage.
Now, what kind of Cretan would say that?
My parents never gave my brothers or me any “Sex Talk” so I can’t really offer much, except to say that none of us ever got in trouble (or got anyone else in trouble, or however that works if you’re the kind of person who uses the euphemism “in trouble” to refer to unplanned out-of-wedlock pregnancy) so they did something right. I wonder how it would have worked had they been, instead of two nurses, a pair of doctors.
TriPolar:
Minds?
Big head, small head. Minds.
Somebody from Heraklion? (sorry, my snark impuse drive kicked in)
Can’t remember my Mom ever discussing sex with me or my brother. She left that up to my dad who took us to a presentation at the YMCA (this was the 1960’s) which explained approximately nothing and then asking us if we had any questions?? Didn’t matter, found his stash of erotic paperback novels a couple of years later so figured things out.
And yeah, boys from 13-17 usually do have only one thing on their minds.
IMHO as always. YMMV.
Sometimes you have to protect the boys.
Yes, I talk to parents of teen boys who have had teen girls send nude pictures of themselves to them.