We’re a conservative Catholic family and we never had “The Talk” with our kids. From the get-go, sex was never a problem to talk about. I’m a teacher and my wife’s a doctor so science is our stuff. Every time any had a question about sex we had the science answer, the psychology answer, and the moral answer.
And yes, I told my daughter “men are only….” because it’s true. She got her first dick pic at 14 from a kid she’d barely known.
And I tell my boys when they go out “I don’t wanna be a grandpa, yet”
My mum never gave me ‘the talk’. I didn’t give the same to my daughter.
Maybe it’s an American thing??
Yep, sure is a double standard. I’ll own it.
The one from my Sex Ed class wasn’t soft at all but, unlike “boys only want one thing”, it acknowledged that “both boys and girls want many things, and one of the things they want is sex”. Wanting sex isn’t something required if you’re a boy and shameful if you’re a girl.
Official Soundtrack of this thread.
Using “they” as singular, to reflect that the Spanish pronouns used in the original are all genderless:
They use makeup because they want sex,
they combed their hair because they want sex,
they buy clothing because they want sex,
they use perfume because they want sex.
They asked for your number because they want sex,
they dared speak to them because they want sex,
they get nervous because they want sex,
they met because they want sex…
I never got that, I did get the reproduction and health discussions in school when they actually taught it sensibly but then sometime in the 80s the religious started taking everything over and they shifted to its all dirty and we dont discuss things rationally any more.
Not trying to scare her about sex or boys would be a good start. Scaring kids about sex (or drugs for that matter) doesn’t work so well, because they eventually figure out that the scary stuff you told them isn’t always true. Then the other stuff you’ve told them loses credibility for them. Just like the boy who cried wolf.
Factual information about things like sex, periods, and birth control is good.
Making sure that she knows that pressuring or forcing somebody into any sexual activity is always wrong would be good.
Either be willing to answer any questions in a nonjudgmental way, or find a resource for her (another trusted adult or a quality online site) where she can get her questions answered. If you don’t do that, she will get her questions answered by a less trustworthy source.
Make sure she knows that she can get into very serious legal trouble for sending nudes of herself, keeping nudes of other children or teenagers, or passing along someone else’s nude photos to a third party.
Make sure she can talk to you (or some trusted adult) if things get too weird online or in real life. She should know how to safely meet someone in person who she has met online (in a public place, with someone informed of where you are and when you are expected back, that sort of thing).
Making a blanket statement about all men or all boys is risky. There are men and boys who are not interested in sex with women- asexual and gay men do exist, after all.
I only have girls, but this would apply to both, I would think. I say, “Your mother and I are DONE raising kids. If you come home with any, you’re on your own.”
My mom never said anything like that to me. However, my older, teenage brother sure did. He said “Just remember, when you like a boy and you want to hold his hand, he’s wanting to do a lot more”.
I got the nonsexist version from my blushing, puritanically-raised parents. Everyone has an appetite for sex (hetero was assumed, alternatives not mentioned). Everyone should wait until they’re married to go all the way, but kissing and a bit of making out is standard and healthy. Nothing about boys wanting different things than what the girls want. I ran into that idea in plenty of other places but not as part of The Talk.
My father felt the same, he would never be the freako who threatened my little sister’s boyfriends as that would have been totally wrong…
As he knew my older brother and I were more than willing to look out for her…seriously, we did…fortunately, she dated nice guys and her husband is our brother…
You mean, by a MORE trustworthy source.
It’s necessary to try to look at it from her point of view. If you make yourself difficult for a kid to trust - from a kid point of view - then of course she will learn elsewhere. Being the one who responsible adults would trust is (by itself) not going to help.
Just had to say I got that reference… or self-reference. I had a Logic class in college and wrote a paper called “A Sermon on Titus 1:12”, a look at the problem(s) of self-reference and Bertram Russel’s meta-logic.
Well, what’s more Meta than St. Paul warning Titus, who’d been sent to Crete, “One of them, a prophet of their own, said, ‘Cretans are always liars’…”
Deliciously self-referential.
Why would you plan on this? Seriously, this is a Hollywood meme from decades ago.
Teach your daughter about boundaries, how to handle herself, when to reach out to you for help, etc.
Do you really think Dad bluster with an ancient Hollywood meme is going to bring a perp to right path? How abouts teaching your daughter to recognize the obvious losers and how to deal with those that are less than obvious?
Make no doubt that I will lay down the law to my kids and overtly insert myself if there is a bad situation in my opinion. But the thought of saying “I have a gun” or “whatever you do to my daughter, I’m gonna do to you” or sumsuchshite IMHO is wrong on so many levels (not least of which the boy in question is gonna find ludicrous). I’m pretty sure if you ever got that talk from a Dad, it slowed you down maybe 2 minutes. YMMV
Soon to be divorced father of 3 teenage girls.
Seriously? A lot are you are criticizing a father for threatening the boys his daughter is dating?
And then go on to say you’d teach your daughter what the boundaries and rules of consent are?
You think under that scenario it would be entirely appropriate for a father to remind their daughter’s boyfriends there would be repercussions if they refused to respect their daughter’s boundaries or tried to do something without her consent.
Yeah, even though my statement was a bit tongue in cheek, a lot of hostility towards it. I guess you just tell any boys “Good Luck!” and hope your daughter can fight them off or something.
If my father had had the cojones to threaten any guys I happened to date, WE would have had more than words! Dad and I, I mean! :mad:
How is our fathers not respecting us supposed to give any kind of message to respect us?
How does warning suitors not to step over the line equate to “our fathers not respecting us”?
I once heard part of an interview with John Gotti Jr. He said his daughter (or daughters) complained that boys were afraid to date them for fear of running afoul of him. A very reasonable fear, IMHO.
He told the interviewer that he was a harmless fellow, and dismissed the fears. All he wanted was for his daughter(s) to be treated with respect. But the interviewer asked “what happens if your daughters are not treated with respect?” and he said "that’s when you’ll see a different side of me come out.) As I said, a very reasonable fear … 