My mom never missed an opportunity to remind her children that men were scumbags who thought of nothing else. It was from her that I learned terms like, “Bicycle seat sniffer.” And I mean it when I say she NEVER missed an opportunity. Think how many times on TV or in movies a man shows interest in a female. In my house, it would always be followed by the muttered word, “pig” from mom.
So yeah, we got that message pretty clearly in my family.
They still consider doing it, no matter how many marriage licenses the guy has.
For starters, it’s an insult to my brain, my taste and my ability to defend myself; to continue, it’s an insult to the boy and to his own parents.
More trustworthy from the point of view of her being comfortable, less trustworthy to have its facts right. Lots of teenagers believe myths about sex, and of course there is a lot of unreliable information online.
Who else do you warn? Do you warn her female friends that they’d better not tempt her into drinking? Do you warn her teachers that they’d better not be emotionally or physically abusive to her?
The warning itself sets up a weird dynamic, IMO. In a situation that’s already super-fraught, where teenagers are trying to figure out sexuality, setting up a hostile relationship at its outset is not a good idea. And however you sugarcoat it, threats set up a hostile relationship.
Of course I wouldn’t wish a potential boyfriend “Good luck!”; that’s even grosser. This thing is for them to figure out. My job is to prep my kids to value consent and trust their own judgments and know how to stay safe and to get help. Then, scary though it may be, my job is to let them put those skills and values into effect.
Of course. Why wouldn’t I?
I should hope I don’t have to warn adults about illegal behavior.
I don’t care what kind of relationship I have with a potential boyfriend of my 13 year old daughter.
If I were you, I would. Assuming you value your relationship with your daughter, that is. See Nava’s posts above.
You may assume that your daughter will be ambivalent as to whatever your relationship is with her boyfriend, but IMO that’s a very dubious assumption.
I’m sure she’ll be fine knowing that her boyfriend is scared to cross any lines because her father has warned him what will happen if he does. And I’m cool with that.
Preemptive threats are insulting and hurtful; they communicate a presumption of ill intent, and set the stage for an unfriendly/adversarial relationship. Imagine if, upon meeting a person for the first time, they said “Hi dorvann, nice to meet you. I just want to let you know that if you ever try to take my wallet, I will have you prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.” You’d figure they’re a paranoid lunatic, and probably interact with them as little as possible; it wouldn’t be a healthy relationship.
You think she’ll be fine knowing that her boyfriend will never dare touch her and will jump away whenever she tries to touch him, even if it’s just because she’s a lot shorter than him and can’t clearly see where he’s leading to among a crowd?
Now I know who taught all those guys who confused us foreign women so much.
I doubt it, if only because you’d be bluntly interfering with her social life, which she thinks she can manage better without your help.
But even beyond that, if she is or thinks she is in a serious relationship with her boyfriend, she might be a lot more loyal to that BF than to you, and to the extent that you act negatively to the BF she might just think you’re being an overprotective jerk.
WADR, it’s possible that your daughters (assuming you have them and are not discussing hypothetical future daughters) are very young and you don’t appreciate how they change - and how their relationship with their parents changes and needs to change - as they gradually grow to adulthood. There’s a lot - by no means limited to the type of issues being discussed in this thread - that you can do as a parent of a 7 year old that you can’t do as the parent of a 15 year old, and all the more so for older ages.
What line? Kissing? First base? Second base?
If your daughter thinks you’ll go ape at her boyfriend if he crosses your line with her consent she will sneak around to let it happen. And that is what you don’t want. Do you want your daughter to be honest with you or feel she has to lie to you?
You also might have a longer term relationship with this guy than you suspect. My daughter eventually married the guy she started dating at 16. Don’t start it off on the wrong foot.
I’m curious how you think a 13 year-old girl is letting a guy get to “second base” without sneaking around. You think they are just going to do it on the couch in the living room while we are watching Master Chef??
I don’t care what foot it starts out on. I’m not her friend, I’m her father. And I’m not her boyfriend’s friend either. I’m his girlfriend’s father.
What, you think anything which happens when you’re not looking counts as “sneaking around”? Do you plan on not only threatening any of your daughters’ dates but chaperoning them? Are you also going to chaperon them in school? Will you go with her into the bathroom as well? The locker room?
I’m fairly certain it’s illegal for me to enter girl’s bathrooms or locker rooms in her school, so no I won’t be doing that.
…Interesting… So, how was her marriage? And did she have sons/are you a son? How was that?
But you will elsewhere? She’s not allowed to take a dump by herself?
Sorry, but I’m going to stop responding to your increasingly hostile hypotheticals. If you have a real question, then by all means ask it.
Mom and dad actually got along quite well. Dad was a soft spoken man and treated her well and she knew it.