I thought that as well. Until it happened to me. You feel lots of pain lots of chronic pain. In a lot of situations, you can feel your muscles and inside your body just not the outside. A lot of people can tell when they are sick or have an infection because they can feel that certain part on the inside, example: feeling lower back pain/bladder for bladder infection. Some can even feel everything, just can’t move.
home nurses you know, and caregivers. And generally, if you don’t, they are clean and especially they have to be for their job. And when I speak hookers I’m speaking your stereotypical one. The dirty missing tooth woman on crack standing on the corner. LOL. I’ve seen some very disturbing women standing in the alley getting into vans. No thank you! LOL. And when I said home nurse I was meaning that while they are here and you know them and they couldn’t get fired… Why not
okay, so can you honestly tell me that someone in a wheelchair, unable to move anything, who usually has someone with them all the time for medical reasons or whatever it may be, comes up to you in a bar… You’ll give your number? It’s pretty much impossible to meet people, let alone date someone. Think of that image, but dating instead. So you become disabled and cannot move your body, one of the many side effects is your future. Not just your future of movement, but of relationships in any kind. And humans need a lot emotional and physical to be happy and for health reasons and for other reasons. So because you are paralyzed, you have to give up sex and everything or have to pay money(, which in most cases you are on disability and are already having hard times paying your bills with that already ) to have sex illegally with a prostitute. Or if you are in a nursing home and don’t have all those bills are they really going to let you bring in prostitutes? If you couldn’t have sex or masturbate because you couldn’t use your arms you would feel differently, and want something done about it
This is relevant, and some might find it interesting: Helping people with disabilities to enjoy sexual relationships | social care network: adult social care | The Guardian
that’s interesting. In the UK, they do a lot for people with disabilities. This is an example of more than the public physical activities. I’m in the US though.
There’s a “Dirty Jobs” episode where they show Mike Rowe extracting sperm from a pig. They used a gadget called an “Elec-Tro-Jac” that was basically an anal probe :p, and a pig produces up to a liter of semen at a time. :eek:
In another episode, he went to a turkey farm and squeezing the turkey’s scrotum wasn’t as bizarre as the mouth pipette used for collecting it.
I have no idea what your situation is like. Not all prostitutes look like street walkers. I know some that have had disabled clients before, but granted I don’t think any were as severe as your situation. I don’t know how it would work in your situation, but in theory they would not need to know they were a prostitute. They might suspect - and I have no idea how the logistics would work, but if they’d be willing to help you or someone else have private time with girlfriend or wife - they shouldn’t prohibit you from doing the same with a woman of your own choosing.
Not having friends makes it fairly difficult to arrange - I was simply responding earlier to what seemed like an out of hand rejection of a possible solution. I don’t know what I’d do in that case.
The solution to your problem IMHO - is not to increase the responsibilities of health care providers (most of whom wouldn’t want that) - but to give you greater access to a service that should be legal anyway. The medical community is conservative enough as it is.
Oh and yes it is illegal in most areas, but if anyone really believes that if done discretely you would get in any trouble - well I think they have over active imaginations.
I’m curious though, and I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what is the extent of your sexual functioning and sensation? If you had the ability to have a home sex worker satisfy you, what would you have her do, exactly? Are you capable of orgasm?
Every person on earth has three groups of potentials: Group A is people that would never ever sleep with you. Group B is people that might concievably sleep with you. Group C is people that view you as part of their fetish and will seek you out not for yourself, but for your ____.
____ might be a disability, a BMI, a hair color, a personality quirk, a hobby, a profession…
While Cindy Crawford probably has a smaller Group A than most of us, and Group B is pretty large, there are some in Group C who are turned on by facial moles and/or fucking models.
Is your Group A larger than most? Absolutely. That sucks, and it’s not fair and I really really wish we could advance our evolution a little faster so that we’d get to the point where needing a wheelchair didn’t make your Group A so small. (But, hey, at least we’re not routinely letting those with disabilities starve to death, so there’s some progress for ya…)
But yes, there are also people in Group B and Group C who will fuck you, and maybe have a meaningful intimate relationship with you. There are dating sites to find them, if you really want to. Do they suck? Yeah, probably…I have yet to meet a dating site that didn’t. Just like for anyone else, it’s probably more effective to find people doing things you’re interested in and meet people naturally.
I used to work w people w/ disabilities in an outpatient mental health clinic. I recall at least one disabled guy claiming to have had a sexual relationship with his homecare attendant. I’d guess when someone is bathing and clothing you, and so forth, its not such a huge leap to think that level of intimacy could lead to sexual contact. Could’ve just been his fantasy, and purely anecdotal, of course. I’ve never heard of this being done out of medical neccesity, though I can understand how it could feel that way!
My son and daughter would take exception with this statement, as would I!
Kayaker, I think there’s an assumption here that we’re talking about non-related adults, not parent and child situations.
As an interesting bit of trivia, Stephen Hawking’s second wife originally was one of his home health care nurses.
A big problem for folks like Munkypoop99 is simply getting out to meet people in the first place. Most human contact he has is (presumably) with either what family/friends still bother to visit him and his carers. Family is off limits for an intimate relationship, and if you put the carers entirely off limits then… who the hell is he ever going to meet?
A social life is not easy for a quad to achieve. Even something as simple as going out to Starbuck’s for a cup of coffee is no minor thing, it requires advance planning and assistance from other people. Christopher Reeve wrote and spoke about how *non-*spontaneous his life became after his accident, how hard it was for him to get out and about even with his wealth and his celebrity generating invitations and making people willing to accommodate his limitations.
If the wealthy/famous/desired-by-society quads like Reeves and Hawking (Hawking is functionally a quad if even not due to spinal injury) find getting out difficult how much more so would it be for the young, obscure, and non-wealthy quad? All too often a young quad in the US will find himself warehoused in a nursing home with the debilitated elderly, or largely confined to a modified room of a home. Whether or not he ever gets out is entirely dependent on the willingness of others to get him out of the house, which they may be reluctant to do between perceived fragility of the quad and the sheer physical effort involved in moving an unmoving adult body, maneuvering a large, heavy wheelchair in and out of a building, in and out of a van, and in and out of public places whose “accessibility” is laughable at times. On top of that, compared to conditions in some other places, such US warehousing of the disabled is far from the worst alternative.
The internet is giving the disabled more of a social life of sorts, and is an opportunity to “meet” people, but I gather Munkypoop99 wants more than IM’s and Skype in the way of a relationship.
By the way - if I’m wrong on any of this, Munkypoop99, feel free to correct me.
I don’t know. Haven’t been able to try, obviously. erections and intense feeling of being “in that mode” LOL
most caregivers are family members or my one friend who stayed after my injury, a guy. I have looked into relationships and don’t think it would be fair to someone else because they would pretty much be a caregiver not a significant other with all the work needed on a daily, or even hourly, routines. Of course I would love it to be the other way. Before my accident, low 20s in age with girlfriend hell, humping
like rabbits every day. And then boom, everything comes to a halt and everything changes. I’m not saying here. There should be prostitutes coming to my house or it would be in the job description for a home nurse or whatever. The truth is that it’s pretty much impossible to meet people, let alone have a sexual relationship with someone. Getting in a wheelchair alone sucks, hurts a lot, and your self-esteem is lowered by a lot. It hurts and is not fun. With a build up. No one here can say that when they get in the mood, they ignore it. Every time for years and years. And yes, years. It’s been proven to release endorphins, which is much needed, especially with disability since you are usually more depressed than you were before. But, I guess there’s nothing any of us can do but wonder if it’s right or if it’s wrong. Just the daily struggles of being paralyzed
It’s not impossible to have a long term relationship that includes sex - as I’ve mentioned before, one of my cousins met her husband after the accident that rendered him a quadriplegic, but yes, MUCH more difficult. The reality is that it seldom happens.
As WhyNot mentioned, your group of potential mates has shrunk enormously. As it happens, I did marry a man with a spinal injury, albeit nowhere near as severe as yours or Ambivalid’s. We’ve dealt with the problems that entails for 25 years now. If for some reason I was single again and I ran into someone in a wheelchair I wouldn’t automatically cross him off my list, even if we’re talking quaderiplegia. I won’t lie and say it’s an asset, either, because it’s not. It’s a monstrous inconvenience at best, and often much worse than that. You’ll have to have a stunning personality and various other outstanding qualities in compensation - which is all the harder when you’re horny, depressed, feeling sorry for yourself, look on yourself as broken and an inconvenience to everyone around you. It sucks and it’s really hard to come back from that.
No, it’s not fair. I wish you weren’t in this situation.
However, my point is that it’s not hopeless. There are women out there willing to deal with the problems inherent in having a relationship with someone disabled. One of the big obstacles, though, is you have to change your strategies for socializing. Young men rely on things like looking good, being athletic, being strong, and so forth to attract young women. Well, you can still look good from the neck up and wear decent clothing, but the 'chair gets in the way of that whole athletic and strong thing. So you’ll have to cultivate something else.
My spouse became a musician, so even though he walked funny and had various other problems his talent was enough to attract groupies and girlfriends. Other guys who are disabled have cultivated their humor, basically becoming comedians and entertainment for the larger crowd. You’ll have to figure out what your talents are and cultivate the ones you can to make yourself more of a catch than you currently are.
It does suck. You spent your teen years cultivating certain things and learning who you were and how to get female attention one way, and now it doesn’t work anymore. To be honest, it will probably take you into your 30’s to reinvent yourself. I’m sorry about that, we women can be brutal at times about mate selection. I do think you’d prefer honesty, though, rather than some sort of false chirpy bullshit.
I’m honestly surprised no has said it yet, including me as a zombie:
Garp.
Post 28, with link.
Tough, difficult, unfortunate etc? Sure. I sympathise, I really do. But sex isn’t a right. You’re not entitled to it, nobody is.
If for some unfortunate reason you cannot find someone willing to have sex with you, then yes, what is expected is that you do not have sex. I don’t see what’s hard to understand about that. Of course people should be open-minded in helping with arrangements, but nobody is owed sex.
The problem is that society takes steps to prevent people from having sex. For instance by making prostitution a crime. Or by making inconvenient, limiting or even banning “spousal” visits or intimacy in care institutions.
And in any case, nothing is done to facilitate the procurement of sex. I’m pretty sure you could find plenty of charities that would help as much as they could a disabled individual in many way, up to climbing the Everest or somesuch. I doubt you’d find even one willing to help searching for a reliable prostitute.
And yes, I find this shocking. People shouldn’t be left in the cold just because others have hang ups regarding sexuality.
6 1/2 years and you don’t know? I asked what was the extent of your sensation as well as sexual functioning; how do you not know whether or not you can feel your dick? And do you or don’t you get erections from thoughts? Psychogenic erections, I believe is the term.