in the “contribution” would it be considered prostitution? They wouldn’t have to be RN’s, maybe just CNA’s. One could raise procedural arguments that such “participation” improved the efficiency, and accuracy of the collection procedure. Furthermore, I have no doubt that such an arragnement would encourage MANY, active donars (whereas traditional sperm banks have to pay good money to attract canidates). Would this be legal and if so why hasn’t this been done?
One could argue that handjobs from the staff improved the samples collected, but one would be incorrect. Semen is semen, no matter how it’s collected.
Since there isn’t any actual medical benefit to handjobs from the staff, the person running such a sperm bank would pretty much just be paying people to give hand jobs, and the employees would be taking money in exchange for said hand jobs. So yeah, there would probably be prostitution charges involved in fairly short order.
What would they do with all that sperm? I wonder now what they do with all the sperm now. I don’t think the means would justify the ends.
The level of participation would depend greatly upon the nurses and the patients.
One could reasonably expect a different response and patient group if the nurses in ward A were Brittney or JLo but in ward B were Rosanne and Richard Simmons.
Or it could be used to feed fish apparently.
One would also have to find licensed nurses that would be willing to give random men handjobs as part of their everyday job.
If I went to 6+ years of school (as an English major, I’m not sure how long it takes to become a nurse, but I would imagine it takes a while), I would probably want a more honorable “job” so to speak 
How much do they pay per donation?
How many times a week can you donate?
Can you make a living doing this?
Can I fund my university doing this in my spare time?
Is there a donation Clinic near the University of Saskatchewan?
Can I donate through the mail?
First a comment on the economic model.
My admittedly limited understanding of sperm banks suggests that the donators are paid a small stipend for their contribution – more, perhaps, if they’re a Nobel-prize-winning 6’1" astronaut, and perhaps less if they’re a pudgy 5’3" 45-year-old assistant manager at Shopco.
Prostitution normally involves the clients of the prostitutes paying for the service, rather than getting paid.
In Virginia, “prostitution” is defined as adultery, fornication, or carnally knowing in any manner any brute animal or any male or female person by the anus or by or with the mouth for money or its equivalent. So as long as the manipulation was manual, it would seem to not rise to the level of prostitution.
“My admittedly limited understanding of sperm banks suggests that the donators are paid a small stipend for their contribution – more, perhaps, if they’re a Nobel-prize-winning 6’1” astronaut, and perhaps less if they’re a pudgy 5’3" 45-year-old assistant manager at Shopco."
Nope, that’s not how it works (at least not at the Medical College of Virgina, where I was a “depositor.”) Each depositor was paid the same amount ($20 for one sample per week for 5 weeks, plus another $100 after 6 months if your HIV test came back negative - total pay was $200). Plus, I got a very comprehensive physical out of the deal. As a grad student at the time, I certainly needed the money and figured I may as well get paid for something I was doing anyway. I can also tell you that the bathroom stalls at MCV leave much to the erotic imagination.
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You wouldn’t need RN’s only CNA’s to maintain what was in fact a “pre-text”, but perhaps a legal one (or at least one that couldn’t or wouldn’t be prosecuted in most jurisdictions).
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Consider, that as a CNA (and student nurse workin on my BSN degree to become an RN which takes a total of four to five years for basic certification a year or two less for the ASN degree), I have to wipe from 15 to 30 behinds soiled by defacation for about ten dollars per hour. In addition, there are a variety of other jobs such as cleaning colostomy bags, wound care ect that make giving a “hand job” seem like a sterile procedure in comparison. Thus, if you can find people to do the nasty job that I do for ten dollars per hour, I have no doubt that you could find people for say $15.00/hr to do the referenced job.
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Actually, I think this “approach” of “salaried or hourly” employees could be utilized to implement prostitution successfully in many jurisdictions. Consider, that you can find from three to ten “swing clubs” in most larger cities (I speak purely from a fascination with empirical observation and speculation!) where people have “sex” on the premises. However, these institutions are seldom “raided” by the police because they are private, membership clubs. Even when they ARE so raided the legal doctrine applied usually involves public nuisance law rather than prostitution. Thus, this concept could be “modified” I would argue as follows:
a. Open a “club” that charges anywhere from $50.00 to $200.00 per month for MEMBERSHIP which provides the ability to “hang out”, dance, play billards or receive “massage” and other “services”. The salaried (or hourly) employees would provide “other” services as part of their wages although this would not be part of their written job descriptions and no money would change hands between the clients and themselves. Indeed, it is quite probably that many members would not even engage in sexual activity in the same way that I’m a YMCA member (at the rate of $60.00 per month), but seldom engage in EXERCISE activity when I attend (unless you count recreational swimming with my wife and kids).
Obviously, I am a proponent of legalized prostitution. Much of my belief in prostitution emanates from the observation that the MAJORITY of my male friends who got married did so in LARGE part so that they would have regular access to sex. It also emanates from my own experience with past relationships. When I honestly look back at old relationships with women that caused me to spend a GREAT deal of time, effort, money and most of all HEARTACHE I realize that a LARGE part of the motivation was the pursuit of SEX! I can recall one relationship in my early 20’s where I dated a girl (who happened to be a virgin) for almost two years without sex (beyond my gratification of her manually and sometimes orally). When the relationship ended, I was VERY depressed. In addition, I met my CURRENT wife (who I now have a kid with) in the pursuit of sex (via classified personal adds). I ask myself wouldn’t it have been cheaper, and easier for everyone if I could have simply paid a couple of hundred to have “sex” (that or offer drugs such as depro-provera to reduce sex drive and give men more “detachment” with regard to the issue).
Like many similar ideas, this is “obeying the letter of the law while defeating the spirit” which courts are not fond of. Trying to claim its a donation rather than a sex act for money will last about 30 seconds in a courtroom.
What did they do when they found out the awful truth?
(If my wife is reading this, JUST KIDDING! 
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No. Too many people were trying to save on postage and just using the clinic’s mail slot as a “walk up window”.
I would argue that this applies to many other areas of human endeavor ranging from “swing clubs” (thousands of which exist accross the land) to “taxation” strategies do exactly the same thing. The bottom line is that my approach would likely make prostitution an “unprosecutable” crime in most jurisdictions. It would certainly take prostitution off the street and “off the internet” or at least reduce its prevalence.
As to the marriage issue I am conviced that many women are at least intuitively aware of the truth of what I’m saying (and the powerful influence that sex drive has over men). They are therefore hostile to idea of prostitution which would reduce their “relative influence”. In fact, I have one child hood friend who is a representative in the Indiana State House of Representatives who has said in private that he AGREES with me, but that if he were ever to advocate my position in public that his WIFE, would make him pay big time.
Now all I can picture is Seann William Scott in Road Trip, you know, “milking the prostate” 
How would you collect on a person with no hands? Suppose the guy coudn’t, erm, stimulate himself? Wouldn’t that justify the ‘assistance’ proposed in the OP? 
No, you should use Fedex: “When it absolutely, positively has to get there before it turns all sticky and crusty.”
Ok, a fairly wide departure from the OP, but:
I don’t know if you were inspired by it or not, but that’s pretty much the setup of Lady Sally’s “house” in a series of books by Spider Robinson. Regular membership fees, salaried employees, basically a social club with interesting things going on upstairs. An excellent series of very funny books, if you haven’t checked them out. The “services” aren’t even the real point of the stories.
Sammy had a prostate problem, and his doctor sent him to the sperm bank to get a sample for analysis. The nurse was walking Sammy down the hall, headed for an empty room. As they passed a room that was occupied, Sammy was flabbergasted to see another nurse, down on her knees, giving a blow job to a patient. ‘Wow’!, thought Sammy, as his smile reached ear to ear. When his nurse led him into his room, she handed him a porn magazine and a cup. ‘What the hell’ said Sammy. ‘The guy down the hall was getting a blow job for his sample, and you’re telling me that I have to jerk off?’Sorry, said the nurse, we have you listed as being insured by an HMO.