Shanghai Sperm Bank Gives a Helping Hand

This is a bit bizarre, but I’ve done some checking, and it appears to be real. The sperm bank in Shanghai, China’s Ren Ji Hospital has white-coated nurses who will whack you off! Some details below. This is NOT SAFE FOR WORK, even though the naughty bits have been pixellated out, so I’ve disabled the link:

Excerpt: "You can go 4-5 times a month, and each time you will get maximum 3 hand jobs. You will also get paid RMB200 (US$30) at the end of each session for your kindness."

Geez, in Bangkok, you have to pay the girl for a similar service. We’ve got it ass-backwards! :smack:

It sounds great and all but the picture kind of shatters the fantasy. The girls are cute, but they’re wearing gloves, you’re in a fucking gown, and you’re lying next to a bunch of other dudes. Call me when they get a VIP room.

Pff, I don’t care. Besides, I’ve already booked my flight to Shanghai.

“yes waitress, I’ll have the LoMein… Wait, haven’t I seen you somewhere???”

Reminds me of this column. When I first came across it, I got confused by the joke about “Five-finger Mary, R.N.” I thought Cecil literally meant that there were special nurses who, um, yeah.
Turns out I wasn’t too far off, after all.

“…Okay, then, go wash your hands and make me a sandwich.”

The trick is to go on a weekday afternoon when they’re not too busy.

I wish they had that when I was going for fertility tests…would have been much better than being passed a cup and pointed to the disabled toilets. Not so sure about the communal room though.

Do they have male nurses available, if you’re gay?

In China? Considering homosexuality was classified as mental illness in China until 2001 (and fun fact: in Hong Kong male homosexuality is a crime which was punishable by life imprisonment until 1991 when it was “decriminalized” - although of course Hong Kong was not technically part of China during this time), I kinda doubt it.

Sorry to shatter everyone’s hopes and dreams, but it’s a hoax.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to see if I can get this plane ticket refunded…

Damn! I suspected it but could find nothing indicating it was a hoax. Disillusioned yet again. :frowning: