Possibly I am just too English, but it always seems to me that the English language is missing a word for the concept of saying sorry because something happened, not because you did something happened.
The classic case where its needed is:
Person A: “Erg I lost my phone yesterday, will have to get it replaced”
Person B: “I am sorry”
Person A: “Why, did you steal it?”
There is the concept condolences in English, but that would be more appropriate for someone’s family member dying than something inconvenient happening to them.
Do other languages have a succinct way to say sorry in this situation?
The French have “C’est dommage” as a general expression of sympathy/disapprobation. But it’s not restricted to the context of “I’m sorry that happened to you”.
The Spanish lo siento, its Catalan sibling ho sento. While they are used to apologize, the original meaning is “I share your negative feelings over what happened”, I’m sorry that happened. They can be used to give condolences(<-- lit. “hurting-with”) for anything from a sore tooth to a bad neighbor or a death in the family.
I think we have these phrases because of the ambiguity of ‘sorry’ in English. To many people it means “It’s my fault”. Interesting because this is mainly hesitation on the side of the speaker. People just don’t like admitting they are wrong so they’re wary of anything that sounds like an apology even when in context it’s clearly only a detached expression of sympathy. I think there are a lot of people who can’t get the word ‘sorry’ out of their mouths in any sincere form.
A Spanish sibling that normally isn’t used to apologize: lo lamento (“I cry out about it”). It can sound like you want to show off you were awake in language class, though.
Great problem. “I am saddened” is the intent, but saying that sounds pretentious.
Actually, the most common objection comes from people receiving the sentiment, as in griffin’s example. Too many people respond with “why are you sorry, you didn’t do anything” rather than accept the sentiment as intended. I don’t know if they think they’re being funny, or if they’re legitimately confused, but it gets annoying. You’re trying to show sympathy and get dinged for it.
Nava and Kimstu, your examples seem to have the same ambiguity as the English version.
Yeah, that does happen. I think it’s the same general problem, they don’t want you to apologize, they want the person that harmed them to apologize. The concepts of sympathy and apology are too heavily entwined in people’s minds. I think it’s a childish attitude and for some reason a lot of people never develop a mature sense of this.
I like “bummer” for English. I taught my kids when they were small that “That’s not fair!” was usually inaccurate, and that instead they should should, “That’s unfortunate!” Lesson didn’t take :).
But in English, “I’m sorry” is one of those phrases with two meanings; most of the time, when someone says it in response to hearing of a mishap, they mean, “I sympathize,” and the audience knows that, and any misunderstanding is the sort of deliberate misunderstanding that immediately removes my sympathy.
Nope, AFAIK, the French “C’est dommage” or “Quel dommage” is never used as a form of direct apology. “That’s too bad” or “What a pity” or “Very unfortunate” would be much closer to the sense of the original than “I’m sorry”.
Likewise, the English “I’m sorry to hear it” is never mistaken for “I’m sorry [because it’s my fault]”.
In Hindi (one Indian language) it will be “मेरी सहानुभूति” - I grieve with you or I feel your loss. In Bengali (another Indian language) it will be the same word “সহানুভূতি” in a different script and accent ������
In my opinion, it conveys something quite different than those other ones. The closest I can think of is that it communicates regret that something happened, but then that arguably has the same problem. Why do you regret something if you didn’t have anything to do with it?
It’s not just saying “that is bad,” but also conveying the desire that, if you could, you would make amends and to fix it. It’s closer to “I wish I could make it where it didn’t happen,” without it being followed by “but I can’t.”
Of course, it can also be just a vague conciliatory noise, like any such statement. But, when the statement is heartfelt, I think that’s what it’s conveying. It’s stronger than just acknowledging that it was bad.