I don’t feel like I got old, I feel like the world continued to change faster and faster, often in subtle ways.
It’s not just the changes to nomenclature…Master and Slave are now forbidden labels in a number of systems (servers, clutch cylinders, white and blacklist in firewall rules are going away) Commentary on these lingustic changes are for another topic I don’t have the stones to start.
But what is curious to me is when you and another person unexpectedly share space in public.
I’ve always said ‘Excuse me’, where I’ll invariable here now, ‘I’m Sorry’
Which to this old guy seems odd. They’re generally NOT sorry…it’s a platitude…and at the same time I start to think about ‘Excuse me’…which seems presumptuous…why should you Excuse me?
It’s always been a platitude. Hello, goodbye, good morning, how are you, how’s it going, bless you, etc. do not mean anything; they are just the expected social lubrication with strangers. They were always arbitrary and they drift in arbitrary ways.
I have not personally noticed any shift toward “I’m sorry”, but if it’s happening it’s probably because some group of people found “excuse me” too old-fashioned sounding, too formal, or the like. “I’m sorry” sounds better to their ears and the change has rubbed off on others (again, if there is such a change).
Most people don’t realize that all idioms carry a certain “feel” which may not be shared with others, particularly across age boundaries. A phrase or other language construct which sounds natural to one sounds stuffy to another. Or even hostile (one that comes to mind: the use in ellipses in email comes off as threatening to some). This feel is not contained in the construct, but rather the environment in which you were exposed to it. That environment is not the same for different people.
I’m having a really hard time understanding how someone could be annoyed by a “I’m sorry” in this context. In fact, “I’m sorry” is MORE humble than “excuse me” in said context.
“I’m sorry” is asking for forgiveness of their intrusion of your personal space.
“Excuse me” is a demand you let them into your personal space. That said, “excuse me” is still perfectly fine, bc the phrase itself is a socially accepted norm.
Hey, we have to change drawings and labels and everything! Why can’t people just accept human slavery as a natural and necessary stage in capitalism and be relaxed about it? Also, why are people getting so worked up over founders of the Ku Klux Klan defacing a monzonite dome with bas-reliefs of insurrectionists and then hosting a Lasershow Spectacular in celebration of them? Why are you all so sensitive?
For example, I’m equally comfortable with a lot of different responses to “Thank you”—“You’re welcome” or “No problem” or “You bet” or “You got it” or “Certainly” or others I can’t think of at the moment.
Some people however get annoyed by “no problem.” Some other people find “you’re welcome” to be odd.
I, on the other hand, am put off by British usage of “cheers” (we aren’t drinking together; why are you toasting me?) or “you’re alright” (what makes you think I thought I wasn’t alright?).
Very good points on ‘Pardon Me’, Cheers, and Platitudes being universal. Thinking on it for just a few more minutes, I realize ‘No Worries’ is a biggie to me, clearly appropriated from 'Stralia.
I’m thinking I was seeing a pattern where there isn’t one.
Indeed. I tend to use “no problem” myself as I think it de-emphasizes the effort on my part–“you’re welcome” almost has the connotation of me pointing out that I was oh-so-generous with my extremely valuable time. But not everyone sees it that way, and as you note some people get outright annoyed.
I have a coworker from Australia that uses “cheers”, which I likewise found odd until I got used to it, and on rare occasions will use it myself now. It’s really just about exposure.
That one is far weirder for an American, IMO. It’s in common use here, too–but only if someone is obviously distressed, like if you learned they had a death in the family or they are visibly sick. The assumed answer is “no, but I’ll pull through.” If they actually answer “no”, they might really need some concrete help.
We obviously use it as a serious question too, according to context - and if intended as a serious question it would be clearly articulated. When it means “hi”, it often comes out as something like “ya-rite” or even “ya-ite”.
Do they actually say “I’m sorry”? Because, as a stand alone phrase that would sound weird to me, too. My first instinct is to hear that as meaning “Really?” or “I didn’t hear you.”
What I normally hear is just “sorry” in all of the places where “excuse me” fits. You can say sorry if you bump into someone. You can say sorry when you need to move past someone.
That said, I do hear “I’m sorry, but” as an introduction to a very small request. You can say “I’m sorry, but I need to get through” in the same place where you could say “Excuse me, I need to get through.” But I also hear a contrite “hey” or “hey, uh” followed by a question, e.g. “Hey. Can I get through? I need to…”
Years ago, the first time my Millennial niece replied to my offer of a drink with “I’m good.” , I replied “Ok, thanks for bragging… I know you’re good, but are you thirsty, too?”
I’ve always said “I’m sorry”… and hey, OP, I’ve meant it.
If I bump into you, I AM sorry (too sorry, because I’ll feel bad about it for an hour or so).
In fact, I feel so bad that I’m trying to say “sorry” less. If I’m late to meet you, instead of saying “Sorry for being late”, I’ll say “Thanks so much for waiting for me!”
Hopefully you won’t be too offended when I use the Midwestern Ope instead of either “I’m sorry” or “excuse me.”
I have no idea where I picked it up. I’ve lived in Northern California my entire life. I’ve spent some amount of time in Ohio, and have family from Wisconsin… but it seems like a weak connection. I can’t place anyone else that says it.
The best I can come up with is convergent evolution, from something like “oops, sorry” that gets mangled into an “ope” or “oop” in the heat of the moment. Sorry.