Mesdames Clinton and Obama are famous through their husbands, not on their own. Even Hillary’s political accomplishments (senator, presidential candidate, SecState, etc) only occured after years of being known as Bill Clinton’s wife.
And yes women did sort of lose their first name on marriage. I don’t know how long it took to phase out, but these day’s it’s rare to see a woman called by her husband’s frist name unless both are being addressed very formally as a couple (like in a wedding invitation). Many women find this highly offensive even it they took their husband’s name. The old styles used to be something like this;
Miss Jane Doe (unmarried woman)
Mrs John Smith (married woman)
Mrs John Smith (widow)*
Mrs Jane Smith (divorcée)
Mrs Doe Smith (older style for divorcée)
I’m not sure what divorced women to went back to using their maiden names were called; I suspect it’d either be Miss Jane Doe or Mrs Jane Doe. Older female servants in the UK were also called “Mrs” with their maiden name as a mark of respect.
*If she remarried she’d use something like “Mrs Jane Smith” or “Mrs Jane Doe Smith” in the announcements.
In my professional writing work, the rule of thumb is that if you know they lady in question is married then you’d use Mrs., and if you’re unsure, then default to Ms.
But if you do want to use that sort of title, it’s fru for a woman and herr for a man, regardless of marital status. I’ve only heard the old form of address for an unmarried woman, frøken, used as a humorous term for an elementary school teacher.
In general, though? What naita said. You call people you know by their given name and people you don’t know by their given name and surname, or surname alone. Kids call their teachers by their first name. About the only honorific titles, outside of family words, that gets used much is doktor and even that gets dropped on the second reference.
However, alphaboi claimed that a woman’s marital status is no longer relevant; obviosuly, it still matters in the US, otherwise it wouldn’t be stressed.
Which still sounds bad to me. When we invite a couple, the invitation is to Mr. John and Mrs Jane Smith, or Family Smith. The man doesn’t own the family or the wife any longer.
Question: what do you do for example with foreigners? Is Angie Merkel called Mrs or Ms in the US press? She isn’t known for being First wife, and whether or not she is married is seldom brought up because it doesn’t matter much compared to the politics she does.