Spain as well. I always understood it as being a reference to the one your grades came in. I don’t know about you, but it was my childhood’s biggest trigger for “we need to talk”…
Yep, this is how I hear it used, and how I’ve used it myself, on occasion. To me, “reading the riot act” is basically yelling at someone - you’re really angry. There’s no anger expressed in a “come to Jesus” talk, no matter how mad you may be. “Laying down the law” is closer - that could be angry, but could also be a calm-but-serious lecture about enforcing the rules. But that’s also different from a “come to Jesus”, because in my opinion, you have to be in a position of authority over someone to “lay down the law” (or “read the riot act”, for that matter).
I think of a “come to Jesus” talk as one between people on equal footing, with no real authority over each other, like family members (in the case of an actual intervention), or coworkers as in IvoryTowerDenizen’s example. Therefore, you can’t just tell the other person what to do; you have to try to persuade or convince them to do what you want them to do, as you would if you were trying to convert someone (get them to “come to Jesus”).
Another example would be between parents: I was in a moms’ group, and one woman was complaining that her husband was doing very little to help with the new baby, and what little he was doing was actually making *more *work for her. Someone said, “Yeah, you need to have a ‘come to Jesus’ talk with him.” In other words, not yell and tell him everything he’s doing wrong, but explain to him why what he’s doing isn’t working, and hopefully persuade him to change.
But yes, there’s definitely at least a slight air of condescension in saying it, because it implies that you know the “right” way to do things, and the other person is doing things “wrong”, and so even though you’re equals, you’re going to take it upon yourself to try to change the other person.
In that case we don’t have such a phrase at all.
I think it’s definitely an Americanism and from a more religious part of the country, at that. I have never encountered this phrase, a “come to Jesus talk”, in any medium. What is described sounds more like an “intervention” where family and friends trap someone who’s Got A Problem They’re Denying Or Not Dealing With Properly and give him a Talking-To.
I guess it’s because I work with many non-Christians (Jews, Hindus, Muslims, plain old irreligious folks), but the idea that a workplace tete-a-tete might be called “coming to Jesus” is very, very jarring. Around here we just call it “having a pre-meeting”.
Do we even have that kind of situation very often in England? I mean, I can’t really think of a situation that needed to be frontloaded in that way. “We need to talk” happens, but that usually means there is some kind of grievance.
In theory yes. In practice not much that I’ve noticed. In my limited experience most people who were going to get or needed to get the “come to Jesus” talk were royal fuckups that virtually everybody else agreed were such. The only reason they were getting the “come to Jesus” talk rather than being shot or shown the door was that the person giving it actually cared about the person.
And, IME, “riot act” generally equals “come to Jesus” minus the caring, minus the calmness, minus the helpful hints and support, and instead a general air of “I don’t fucking care how you fix it, either fix it or get the fuck out”.
For me, it’s an intensity/caring continuum.
First, there’s “get with the program” - usually short, not much care, not much intensity. Usually not a conversation, instead a simple statement: “You’re spending too much on beer this month - cut it out.”
Then, there’s “come to Jesus” - Usually a much longer conversation, lots of care (and condescension) and a REAL HEARTFELT effort to get the person to realize that something is going wrong, and they’re the only ones with the power to alter that. “Dave, I wasn’t able to buy groceries this week because you spent all of your paycheck on beer with your friends. I love having the guys over, but I also need to feed the kids dinner. Can you see how this is bad for the kids? Please try to cut back a little.”
Then, there’s the “riot act” - no care, understanding, no desire for working things out - you’ve well and truly lost your temper and the other person is getting what’s coming to them: “Fuck it all, Dave - I’m taking the kids to my parents and you can get drunk with your friends all the bloody time now! Happy!?”
Now, that’s just my personal experience with people using those terms - and it could very well be a regional thing - I AM in the middle of the Bible Belt, after all.
West Coast American here, I’ve mostly heard the phrase used to describe an unpleasant training session in which a misbehaving animal (usually a horse or dog) is firmly told that no, they really do have to do as they’re told. Depending on the context a ‘come to Jesus meeting’ can imply anything from a brief confrontation when a normally well behaved horse decides it doesn’t feel like trotting that last lap around the arena to a knock-down-drag-out session with a rank stallion that tries to kill people. I haven’t often heard it applied to people, other than perhaps small children.
IMHO ‘reading someone the riot act’ is less about a long-term attitude adjustment and more about ‘you made a huge mistake and I’m going to make sure you understand just how huge and unacceptable it really is.’ There’s no implied long-term problem with authority, just a single (albeit severe) misstep. It all varies a lot with context, though.
I work with a number of non-Christians, mainly Jews, who use the phrase. In my experience, this is a very common phrase among lawyers.
59 year old American who has never heard anyone even in the US use that phrase before. It is perhaps used exclusively in the Bible Belt regions?
Quite the opposite - again, it is not religious, and I get the impression that truly religious folks would not use the phrase out of respect for any *actual *“Come to Jesus” talks that may be part of their faith.
I think **Lasciel’s **post documenting the escalation gets it right in terms of how I think of its use…
This is the first time I’ve come across it. Now I’ll see or hear it a hundred times in a week. It’s the sort of phrase that would turn up on Big Bang Theory.
Nope. I’m an atheist Jew in New England and hear it a lot. No more religious than Bless You after a sneeze.
I have Jewish friends that say it too, and I’ve also heard my nonreligious coworkers use the phrase. (I work with quite a few Christians and I’m one myself, we’ve all used it at some point – although WordMan makes a good point about how some people may not say it because it invokes Jesus’ name – depending on one’s sensitivity, I can see how some Christians might shy away from it.)
We’re in the south, though.
I like Lasciel’s explanation.