I have a lot of Christian friends and family on FaceBook. I begrudge no one his or her religious faith at all, but I do honestly get SOOOOO tired of the trite, banal spiritual aphorisms and supposedly pithy metaphysical maxims that they go about spewing all over the interwebs.
“God doesn’t close a door without opening a window,” “Seven days without prayer makes one weak,” “A nail-hole in the hand is worth two in the bush”, etc., etc.
(OK, I made that last one up.)
But you get the idea. There’s really little that’s more puerile, more nausea-inducing, than church-sign philosophizing. Fortune-cookie Christianity, I call it.
If you’re going to express your faith publicly, AT LEAST be sophisticated about it!!! :smack:
I write this here because if I put it on FaceBook, where I WANT to put it, I’d probably piss off 85% of my friends and family.
Make up ones like you did the OP, and take care to only make ones that don’t make sense. Watch as your religious friends and family “like” it, and laugh at them behind their back.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life.
Lord Adonai, fill my cup with fish and loaves and iPads, yea, even until running over.
Sovereign Jesus, who maketh my johnson long and my virility ever as unto a standing deacon of the church who wears those funny hats, watch over me and videotape me as I do scoreth with the cross-dressing ho who always stands on the corner with those beefcake pantyhose that maketh me ever so horny, that I might remember this moment unto the day that my bodily functions decayeth and my memories do perish, and my spirit evaporateth into the aether. Amen.
Once at work a coworker was telling about how her teenage unmarried daughter was pregnant, and that she must have conceived right about the time her grandfather, my coworker’s father, had passed away. She said, “I thought, oh well, it must be a sign!” I said, “Yeah, it’s a sign that she had unprotected sex!” That did not make me popular.
I don’t think Christianity is supposed to be sophisticated. “Even as a little child” and all that. Sophistication is for the Pharisees and Doctors of the Law.
Know God, know peace. No God, no peace. (That’s why religious countries are so peaceful.)
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God never gives us more than we can bear. * (How suicide, nervous breakdowns, mortal injury and terminal illness fit into this bromide I’m not sure but I’m guessing it’s a long story.)
My boss is a Jewish carpenter. (Good look getting a raise.)
A bumper sticker I’ve seen a lot is
Warning: in the event of the Rapture, this car will be driverless
Another bumper sticker reads “In the event of the Rapture can I have your car?”, but it’s not seen as often.
