I get it.
When I was growing up my father smoked. He quit when I was still at home. We all knew that was a good thing. Growing up around it, I didn’t have any opinion about it – the smoke, the smell, whatever. It was just … there. I didn’t have any interest in picking it up, inhaling smoke had no appeal to me and I couldn’t imagine what made it addictive, it didn’t seem romantic, etc. But, I never said, “Ewwww disgusting!”
In college, my best friend smoked buckets. Again, the smoke and whatnot was just a fact of life. It still didn’t appeal to me, I couldn’t really get into the idea of voluntarily sucking smoke into your lungs.
But.
I can TOTALLY see the appeal of smoking from the perspective of having something in your hands to fiddle with, and it is totally appealing from an oral fixation point of view. I can’t say “fascinated” is the word, but I could see the attraction of having that slim tube between your fingers and lips, and the ritual of pulling it out of the pack, lighting, etc. It’s also a way to draw focus to yourself, you know? In fact, way back in the dark ages when I used to play on IRC (it was a channel that was a virtual bar), I would sometimes “light a cigarette” when things had gotten dull. It was just a little suggestion of an action that would draw attention or comment, and then things perked up again.
Anyway. Got sidetracked. Back to college …
I went through a phase where I tried to smoke – again, not wanting the habit, not because I thought it was cool, or wanted to fit in, or be rebellious, or wanted whatever drug effect it had, but just to try out the ritual and the hand/mouth thing. I guess over the course of a year or two I went through 2 or 3 or 4 packs. Here’s the kicker: I could never get myself to inhale. I’d draw the smoke into my mouth and blow it out. But it never hit my lungs, really, and I never got any effects from the nicotine that I could tell. It didn’t taste good and I never got used to it or got to like it.
Now, I’m not close to anyone who smokes, haven’t been for years. Now, I can’t stand the smell, etc. and I’m really happy that smoking in most restaurants is no longer allowed in my area. I hate walking through the “smoker’s gauntlet” to get in and out my office building. And, never in a million years will I ever be tempted to pick up a ciggy again.
I am just a wee tiny bit OCD, and I do have problems with compulsive overeating (not binging/purging, just eating more than I should almost without realizing it). There are some addictions in my family. I’ve never had any sort of problem with alcohol (and I do thoroughly enjoy a drink occasionally) and I’ve never tried any sort of mood-altering drug other than caffeine. So, I consider myself DAMN LUCKY that I didn’t get hooked on ciggys. Some people are just wired so that a drug or drug will get them hooked pretty darn quick, just more susceptible than another person might be. Am I one of those people who might have become addicted to smoking? I might have been if I had ever gotten enough smoke into my system. So, the fact that my susceptibility wasn’t really put to the test is something I’m very, very grateful for.
All that to say … my advice is to just not even try it. I’ve heard former smokers say a million times that quitting is the hardest thing they’ve ever done, in spades. Don’t put yourself in that position.
