There are people who just (seemingly) have to talk, and talk, and talk even if the audience is giving them obvious, overt social body language clues to please shut up. Some even persist after being directly ignored or snubbed.
At what point does this need to keep babbling go from being an annoying idiosyncrasy to a genuine psychological problem? Is it a biologically wired in problem or environmental?
When the behavior persists despite significant negative consequences from it. Then it is considered pathological behavior.
As for your second question, I imagine a lot of it is hard-wired, but that environment plays a lesser, but not insignificant factor.
I’ve noticed from people that have abused “uppers” for a number of years, even after they quit, have this problem.
And not just non-stop talking, I mean rude as hell, and unable to understand harsh social cues to shut the fuck up.
They dont learn much though - Stuck on transmit - unable to receive.
I PERSONALLY talk a lot, BUT Im also an EXTREMELY good listener so I suppose that makes it okay?
In company I read the situation and if it warrants it, I can keep a flagging conversation going, but if it doesnt, I can quietly yet attentively listen for hours to someone else telling me all about their day.
The phrase we have ONE mouth and TWO ears - so should listen TWICE as much as we speak - may be a good one to remember, although if the state is drug induced, they wont even know they’re doing it!! 
I was once on prescribed medication and talked non stop all evening! Oh the embarassment!
I had a cow-orker who was like this. She was a truly lovely, lovely woman. Thai. Very, very friendly, bubbly, and happy. The sort of person that nothing bad ever seems to happen to, but you can’t bring yourself to be jealous of their charmed life simply because they are so damned nice.
BUT SHE WOULD NEVER SHUT UP!!!
This woman had to vocalise Every. Single. Thought. When she left, it struck me that I’d never before experienced the feeling of being pleased to see the departure of somebody I liked. This lady managed that. A day with her was draining. It was especially bad, because it wasn’t incoherent babble - she thought of it as conversation, and was always expecting replies.
God, I feel tired just reading about these people. I honestly can’t fathom how they do it. It just wears me out to hear one of those people who verbalize every thought. Please stop talking!
I’ve been there. I feel your pain. She’s down the hall now, thank goodness.
Some people are merely uncomfortable with silence. Some people are lonely.
Some people like to get in the last word.
But some people, as you say, have to vocalize Every Single Thought.
lol Sensibility. Something similar once happened to me and it was so out of character. It did shake up the neighborhood a bit–gave people something to talk about.
I know a 7 year old girl that’s like that.
It’s kind of weird. You really get the feeling from her like she just can’t stop. She interrupts and then goes on and on about crazy stuff. It’s hard to call her “rude” for interrupting.
I’m no psychologist or anything, but you get the feeling that she knows better and simply can’t help herself.
Her mom is a little crazy, too. Shops like all the time. Has yard sales. Might “hoard” a little. So, I think it can be a disorder in some people.
I had the unfortunate experience to work in the vicinity of such a person. Note I don’t say “work with”, just in the general vicinity, not that it made much difference; everyone got share in her musings. Every thought that crossed her mind she had to tell everyone about, in a loud voice. All because what she was doing in her work was always more interesting, more important and more stressful that anyone else’s work.
Except it wasn’t, of course. All her comments made it obvious that her work was mundane and she really didn’t have a clue. All her astounded proclamations of great news were old news of the blatantly obvious kind. But she never, ever, shut up.
I’ve got to print this out now, I suppose it’ll be quicker on this printer, hey, did you know if you tick this box here it’ll print it double sided? That’s very clever and oh no, this always happens, it’s jammed, see, you need to remove the toner cartridge here, oh that’ll be a phone call from my son, he’s at college now and very clever, I didn’t go to college but I’ve never let it hold me back or stopped learning. I’m an expert at Excel, I’ve been using it since Windows 95 when PCs were first invented… … blah de… blah blah fricken blah…
Of course the thing is, by all accounts she was a really nice person. But I wanted to kill her.
I’m not a psychiatrist or psychologist. I had a friend in highschool like that and it would drive me batshit. I used to suggest going to the movies alot just so I wouldn’t have to hear a blow by blow account of every detail of her day. I loved her dearly but daayum! Anyhow, she had finally sought counseling after a bad breakup with an abusive, alcoholic and the shrink commented on her inability to shut up. She diagnosed he with OCD. Sounds like a reasonable diagnosis. My friend had been physically, psychologically, and sexually abused as a child and it seemed like talking was how she shut the pain out of her mind.
I dated a girl, briefly who was like that. Oh…my…god. Unlike my friend from high school, this girl NEVER listened and always went on and on and on about her victimhood. When we first got together she told me that she had been diagnosed with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Not knowing what this meant, I continued on with the relationship. Um yeah, then she told me that more than one shrink said she had SCHIZO AFFECTIVE DISORDER. Again, dumbass me stays on. Heh, then I get to see first hand what these things were really were. Whoa. I packed my bags and ran folks.
So, these are just some anecdotal references that could explain why some people just can’t shut the hell up.
Oh yeah, I’ve met people with Biploar Disorder that would talk incessantly when they were manic.
We have a neighbor who babbles incessantly. I mean, you cannot get a word in edgewise. My husband was talking to him the other day…this guy drinks three POTS of coffee before noon everyday. Reminds me of Kramer in that one Seinfeld episode. Then I find out he’s in anger management classes. D’ya THINK?
I feel I should clarify my previous post a bit. I don’t want to appear insensitive to people with mental disorders. The girl I mentioned was indeed off her rocker but she also refused treatment. Every time she found a new psychiatrist she would write him/her off as an idiot and then would stop taking her meds in spite of the fact that she was a mess without them.
I just don’t want anyone to get the impression that people suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder or Schizoaffective Disorder cannot lead normal lives with treatment.
There was a guy in my horseback riding lessons who was like that. He was a very nice guy–never had a mean or nasty thought, but he wouldn’t/couldn’t shut up. Our lessons were one hour long and he would talk the entire time.
Pretty much, the only way the instructor could get a word in to, well, instruct us was to interrupt or talk over him. After a while, we all started interrupting him in order to talk. It felt really rude at first, but it was the only way anyone could get a word in edgewise. Oddly, it didn’t seem to bother him. I guess he was used to being interrupted. Sometimes he’d keep talking even though he’d been interrupted. He didn’t seem to notice that others were now talking.
I do think something was wrong with him. Besides constant, incessant talking, he would never look at you while talking. I don’t mean just not looking you in the eye. I mean he would be looking somewhere really far to the left or right of you. In addition, he’d get wrapped up in his own talking to the exclusion of everything else.
One day while he was talking to our instructor, another student’s pony bolted with her. The pony was tearing around the ring at Mach 10, the student was screaming (a very bad thing to do, but this was a young kid who’d panicked), and our instructor was shouting out instructions to keep the kid from getting hurt. The situation was very scarey and our instructor was clearly doing something else–but this guy kept on talking to her the whole time. I don’t think he ever realized anything else was going on.
I fear I have been that person, to a certain extent. I think I am much better now. In my case I think it was quite a bit of immaturity and also a bit of a defense mechanism. I think this is fairly common in extroverts. It’s easy to picture introverts withdrawing under stress. Extroverts, I think, tend to talk under stress. And as we mature, each type of person learns to cope with stress a little better.
My point is that it can probably get annoying before the point that it actually indicates mental illness, and that it can be addressed in some people by learning better communication skills, just like introverts might need to practice assertiveness or other social skills.
Can they? Tell us how!!! Especially regarding BPD!
Sorry, it’s just that I’ve seen virtually no success in treating borderlines. I guess I’m sort of jaded.
I had a friend who was sexually abused as a child and he would get started talking and just couldn’t stop. Finally one day I told him to just shut up for a while and he thanked me! He knew he had a problem. After that we kind of had this system where when I had enough I’d tell him to stop talking. He was very good-natured about it.
When in social situations, a slight kick in my wife’s ankle is our prearranged signal for her to take it down a notch, or if she’s still mid-anecdote, to wrap it up quickly.
Her idea, and she always thanks me after (and is only necessary after a few glasses of wine, thank god!).
I have a coworker who never shuts up. I’ve been in the hall, with him in the office, and as he’s talking I’m slowly pulling the door shut . Literally, the door was down to about two inches open, he can only see a sliver of me, and he’s still talking!
We watched him follow a secretary out to her car yapping away, watched her get in her car (window open) with him still blabbing, and she started driving away, with him still talking!
Obviously we need to adopt less subtle body language.
Some of us have trouble reading nonverbal social cues, even ones that seem harsh and bleeding obvious to others.
I had to train myself as a child to look at people when I’m talking to them, or when they’re talking to me. I don’t read nonverbal cues, so looking at someone while talking or listening to them doesn’t give me any more information, so I have no real reason to do it. I learned that people get upset when you don’t look at them, though, so I learned to do it, sort of like learning other arbitrary social rules.
Nope. Go with the direct, verbal approach- interrupt him at a logical pause, and say you really have to go. Some of us can’t read body language, subtle or otherwise.
If that really bothers you, you could work out a pre-arranged signal with him, like you have with your wife. I could understand something like that, as long as I’ve been told earlier in words what it means. But it would take me a very long time to figure it out if I weren’t told, and there’s a good chance I wouldn’t ever figure it out.