They talk about themselves and their lives almost constantly. They talk about their families, relationships, meals, clothes, medical problems, etc. They are our co-workers who, day after day, week after week, month after month, talk on and on and on. They are our neighbors, people on buses, etc.
What is this compulsion? Why do they do it? Don’t they notice that they are doing it?
I’m not sure if this is the same thing, but I have a boss that’s sorta like this. Everytime she calls me her calls never seem to have any direction. She rambles, throws out ideas, and just talks constantly. At the end of the conversation, she is likely to say ‘umm ok, just forget it’ (which is good, because at this point I’d be hard pressed to tell you what she was talking about).
I’ve come to the conclusion that she cannot think without opening her mouth. The “free form coversations” are her way of thinking things through while I say “yep, uh huh” a lot.
The one I know seems to be ADD. She even knows it. Her kids are holy terrors. I think it it a sick attempt to get her to shut up a minute and notice them.
She recently quit the group we were in together because the leader yelled at her too much for the talking. It has been such a major relief in my life.
This person is 50 YEAR OLD. She never, ever stops talking.
How about when one of these creatures is sitting in front of you at the movies? I usually get up and move. If I am in a bad mood though, I will lean over and tell them, “Would you mind taking your conversation outside?”.
My SO is one of these people. Sometimes I wonder how he can think of so much shit to say. (He’s ADHD, btw). Yesterday, he talked for 15 minutes straight about who called whom. I couldn’t even get a word in edgewise. He would ask a question, then immediately start talking the moment I drew breath to reply.
I have a friend who is a yakkasaurus. When I pick up the phone and hear her voice, I know it’s not going to be a quick call; if I’m strapped for time, I have to let her know right away that I only have a few minutes to talk, and then help her wrap it up quickly.
During one of these long chatty calls (with her doing most of the chatting), she was discussing her phone bill and how it was a big expense for her, being a single mother with money problems. But she said that sometimes she just needs to take a break from being a mom and talk to an ADULT about her life issues, as many of us do with a spouse.
I try to keep this in mind and be understanding. But I wish her edit function worked a little better. I don’t need to know the entire life story of everyone she happened to run into today – especially when (1) they’re peripheral to the discussion, (2) I have absolutely no likelihood of ever interacting with or, yea, even hearing about this person ever again, or (3) she’s already told me said life story umpteen times before.
And she complains about how OTHER people are gossips, and worries that they might be talking about HER. :smack:
I do know one guy like this who’s main reason for doing this is seemingly because he believes it makes him ‘more social’.
I’ve noticed him leap at any and every conversational opening and start yakking, “yeah, I think I saw a movie with <obscure reference> in it once! There was this really cool bit where…<ten minute plot dissection>…and I think some cars are pretty cool…<tangent>…and I was round at <friend>'s house last night and we played…<twenty minute monologue on game I’ve never heard of>…and…”
It’s sad, but he’s got a lot of self-confidence issues, and it seems that he feels unwilling to stop talking because then people might go away! Of course, by the time he’s bored the pants off you, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I love my sister dearly, but she is one of those people. I’ve heard every story she has at least 5 times. She’s actually aware of it, and has thenked me for telling her to cool it when it’s especially innapropriate. Like while we sait outside of the hospital ICU with my uncle when my aunt was undergoing emergency heart surgery.
It’s like silence is a vaccuum that she feels compelled to fill.
I know a few people who are like that, and it’s hard to be rude and just turn away so I end up sitting and listening to things I don’t care for. What if I throw this theory out there… what if it isn’t other people talking too much, but US not having the proper attention span to actually listen to a normal conversation. I for one doubt it, but you never know…
i think for some people it might be nerves. when my boyfriend of 2 years and I just started dating, i’d get off the phone from an hour long conversation and realize i’d said 2 sentences. Man, this guy talks waaaaaay too freakin’ much. but a few weeks later he mellowed out alot, evidently he was just nervous and finally felt comfortable.
my cousin on the other hand will go on forever about the most mundane topics, i.e. fiance’s car insurance or her boss’s allergies. i have no idea how to politely tell her how bored i am.
You’ve met my mother? More often than not, our phone conversations are monologues. If I manage to get a sentence in, it reminds her of something else, and she’s off. The worst were when she was still running her catering business - I’d hear all about the menus and attendees and venues for parties given by people I didn’t know for events that I didn’t care about. It’s gotten worse since my dad died - she has no one to talk to on a regular basis, so if I call, I can plan on an earful. So I usually call when I’m in front of the computer and can play a little Freecell while she orates.
OMG – your mother is my mother-in-law? No, I guess not; my MIL never ran a business. So we get to hear tons of boring and useless information about people we never new and couldn’t care less about. I once sat completely silent just to see how long she’d go on without any response, but I gave up after an hour. She was still going strong.
I think in some other cases it’s a matter of conversational style. Some people expect that if you have something to say you will jump right in, so if you don’t, they keep talking to fill the vacuum. That type in a “conversation” with a low-involvement style, (who expects there to be a few seconds gap after one person stops before the next person starts), leads inevitably to a monologue.
I used to be an absolute non-stop talker, and I get like that now if I’m drinking or very excited. Usually I warn someone around me if I know I’ll get that way (like when I’m drinking) and just say “Look, I get verbal diarhea when I drink- feel free to walk away”. I trained myself out of it in everyday situations by being around my husband, so is usually pretty quiet. I had to really practice letting silence be OK, and I still find it difficult. One way I’ve changed is by asking open ended questions rather then just talking- I’m interested in hearing, too.
FWIW, I displayed all signs of ADD when I was young (and still display some now) and am a very anxious/nervous person, which contributes to this problem. I am aware, though, and control it to the best of my ability. I think one of the rudest things I’ve ever heard was someone important to me saying “Don’t you ever shut up?” It was like a blow to the guts and I remember it like it happened only yesterday. I think I found talking to be very soothing, and after that it was a source of more anxiety for me, because then I wondered if people thought that every single time I spoke about anything.
I used to be a yakkasaurus. What’s worse, every sentence that came out of my mouth began with “I”. I’d come home from school and my parents asked me how my day was, I’d hold them hostage for almost an hour telling them in excruciating detail about my day. When I went off to college and came home to visit, my mom pointed out how I basically give reports rather than actually talk to people. Oh yeah, I responded real well to that critique. Basically, I did it because I was nervous and felt the need to be important. Silence to me was a failure. Failure to entertain, please, or be interesting.
Ironically over two years ago, I suffered a CVA which left me paralyzed on my left side the first couple days. Talking was really difficult once I regained movement on my left side. Coordinating my tongue and breathing left me a soft-spoken stuttering shell of who I used to be. Once I got out of the hospital, and returned to work, I realized what holy terrors Yakkasauruses are. But I appreciated their constant chatter because it didn’t require any effort from me. No halting, slurred, stuttered, embarrassing responses required from me.
Now that I have recovered 99.9%, I still am quiet. Sharing the spotlight is much more fun. The benefits of the one word/sentence out-weigh the benefits of the many (mangled Trek quote. Sorry!).