Anxiety. I believe I have that. A lot of it in fact. I was listening to a commericial on Anxiety, and I answered Yes to all but one or two of the questions.
I had a really good friend who was like this. She’d tell you the same stories over and over again. I’d politely stop her (had to interrupt) to say, “You told me this already.” She pause, agree that she’d already told me, then continue to finish the story, which I’d probably already heard 200 times.
Finally, I ran out of nice, polite ways to shut her up – or at least get her to pause and breathe once in a while. She’s a very kind-hearted person, intelligent and funny, but just intolerable to converse with. I just avoided her altogether, once I realized I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I couldn’t find a way to say “SHUT UP. For two freaking minutes.” without making her feel like shit.
So I pose a question to those of you who admit guilt to this type of behavior: what are really nice ways your friends can stop you, without hurting your feelings? What can I say to get a word in edgewise?
Well, if it’s a story that has been told 200 times, butt in and ask a question about what happens later on in the story but do it in a teasing manner. That’s how I have been stopped in the past. Let’s say my story ends with a boy getting bit by a dog. My friend/victim after a couple sentences in, says “The boy was bit by a dog. Yeah, yeah.” When that happened, I got embarrassed, apologized and tried not to do it again.
Interrupting and hijacking the conversation is completely okay as long as the over-riding tone is friendly impatience not anger or frustration.
Or you could go the passive agressive route which is to subject your friend to the non-stop talking and telling the same story 200 times thing to “teach them a lesson”.
My favorite method is being direct. Remember, say “When you do X, I feel Y.”
Sometimes I forget that I say stuff, but it’s usually over a day that I forget.
I believe I suffer from that anxiety thing. It might be a sympton or side effect from adhd. There was a commercial for anxiety and they asked a series of questions. They said if you answered yes to 3 or more of those questions, then you could have this anxiety disorder or suffering from anxiety. Well, I answered yes to all but one or two of the questions.
Also, kputt, ADHD meds can cause or exacerbate (sp?) anxiety, especially Ritalin.
I haven’t been on ritalin for awhile now. Might be why I am a little less anxious.
Now when it comes to worrying about things (and dumb things at that), I might be considered on top of the list of those. (Obsessive thoughts you know)
I dunno. I used to work graveyard shift in a hospital, and I met more of these people than you’d care to think about. There seemed to be something about the silence that just made them crazy, and they had to tell you what they knew, just so there would be no silence…
I have come to the conclusion, however, that there are two kinds of conversationalists:
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A person who realizes that he is talking to another human, and therefore tries to tailor his/her speech to something that might actually interest the other human – you know, anecdotes, relevant information, and suchlike.
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A person who does not realize this… and therefore simply spouts off about the grandkids, the wife, the dog, what he had for breakfast, what he did last week at the Elks Club, what he saw on television last night… whatever.
That seems to me to be the nature of “conversation.” Either I am exchanging information with someone on a given topic (which may drift a bit, based on the persons involved)… or I am helplessly listening to someone spout off about whatever the hell comes into his big wonderful head, regardless of whether I am interested in it or not, until I finally manage to finish gnawing my leg off and escape…
I talk too much, and I admit it. There are lots of reasons why I do it. Anxiety is a big part of it: too much quiet makes me nervous. I don’t know why, exactly, but I think it comes from growing up in a house where there was always something going on. TV, music, games, toys, etc. I find that if the TV is on, or if I am listening to music or something, I am not so bad - as long as I am not bored. If I am bored I actually get worse.
Another part of the problem is self-defense. I come from a long line of Yakkasauruses. You should see my grandparents’ back deck in the summertime: 12 people having 25 conversations going at once, plus at least one serious card game, all over the radio playing something or another, with some kids screaming in the yard for good measure. If you want to be heard in that mess, you have to keep talking until someone listens.
FWIW, I do try to be aware of who I am talking to, and I try to make conversations two-sided. I also try as well as I can to remember what I have already said. I have some good stories, but they’re never good after 10 or 15 retellings. I know that. And I do try to talk about about stuff that I wouldn’t mind hearing from other people - about families, pets, shopping. Benign crap. When I get boring or repetitive, most people just walk away or nod and say, “Yeah, I remember you told me that,” and I am not offended.
Why the problem with small-talkers? Are you more annoyed with the fact that they are talking at all, or what they are talking about, or the “entrapment” that some talkers practice? Why not just bring a Walkman or a set of headphones, even if just for pretend? Or is the bigger problem that these people are so rude and obtuse that they’d interrupt anyway?
I do do this. If it’s a story, my husband usually just encapsulates the rest of it gently, like “Oh, wait, now I remember, you’re talking about the time you were on the bus…”
If it’s my life… well my husband usually puts up with that. But if it’s my friends (and I regret to admit the few I have are on the net at this point) I don’t mind much if they just interrupt with something of their own. But if I’m actually talking about a semi-serious problem I’d be offended unless they were talking about their own semi-serious problem.
With my mother it is for attention. She must be the center of attention at all times. She is the bride at every wedding , the corpse at every funeral, and the ham in every sandwiche. Having a conversation with her is impossible if you do get a word in edgewise she will interrupt and start talking over you. I’ve actually seen people hide when they see her coming.
Nothing is secret in our family, if she can use it to embarrass her family and get attention. She puts on great displays of drama in the grocery store whenever I take her with me. I have eating restrictions and she will grab something off the shelf that I’m not even looking at and loudly say you know you can’t have that. Then she will tell everyone in the aisle about my health problems, and how much worst her health is than mine. The worst part is that she shows up at my job and puts on these shows everyday. It doesn’t matter how much I ask, demand and beg her to stop. I try to tell her that she is going to get me fired, but to no avail.
Talk = control.
also- anxiety soothing
also- some people need to talk in order to understand what they think
usually its a blend of the three, usually when it gets on your nerves it’s because you’re being restricted from your comfort zone (being controlled)
Help help! I’m talking and I can’t shut up!
HA!!! I think all Moms have your Mom’s problem to some degree, just some have more of it than others. I could NEVER talk to my Ma about personal problems, they would be on the front page of the morning news!!! I used to pick my Ma up from work, so I would always step inside to let her know I was there. I think I got introduced to everyone she worked with at least twice, EVERY night. She would have friends over for coffee (OMG stimulants!!!), you wouldn’t believe the yakkathons they used to have. Of course, most of the conversations were about confidential, personal things they had been told by their children or close friends.
Sheesh 
And now, the word of the day: loquacious.
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/archive/2002/02/24.html
I try to understand them. But I also try to avoid them.
A long-distance friend of mine once had a girlfriend who would also talk to me. Even after he broke it off with her (which I’m glad he did, she was no good for him, anyway) she continued to call me and talk to me, as if I wanted to continue being friends with her in spite of the fact that my friend wanted nothing to do with her anymore. I didn’t really like her that much myself. Still, for at least an hour straight she’d blabber on about God-knows-what, I was never really listening. Most of her chatter was about her ex-boyfriends and how much better her most recent ex (i.e. my friend) was than all the others. She tried to give me advice on dating, which I certainly didn’t ask for. Too polite to hang up on her and ignore all of her calls whenever it came up on the ID, or try to come up with a plausible excuse to bail out, I’d just sit there and read the newspaper, play Solitaire, etc. I think I could have set the phone down, left for the supermarket and come back without her ever knowing that I wasn’t there the whole time (I saw someone do this in a MAD cartoon once).
I don’t know what her reason was for talking for so long without even pausing for air, as it seemed, but when she told me that her phone was going to be shut off I couldn’t have been more glad.