I think I’m starting to doubt why we have psychologists. I used to think that you’d go to see one if you were unhappy and wanted to learn how to be happy. I used to think that if a psychologist knew how to make me happy, then they would know how to make themselves happy.
But I’m finding that this is really not the case. I used to date one, and she was pretty depressed most of the time. Her self-esteem was really low. And I had to teach her how to play. Before she met me, she had no clue about that. And now I’m in the early stages of a relationship with another one. She seems pretty full of despair, and doesn’t seem to know how to be happy.
What’s up with that? Are psychologists the unhappiest people on Earth?
I’m no expert, but my closest friend is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist.
From what I can gather, they are not in the job of waving magic wands and making everyone happy, but rather helping people to overcome specific problems and learn coping mechanisms. She deals specifically in CBT.
As for her own state of mind, she is no different from any else - she has her worries and anxieties, and her professional knowledge doesn’t necessarily make her feel much better, any more than it stops doctors from smoking or drinking. If anything, she is in the habit of over-analysing situations, which doesn’t necessarily lead to happiness.
Ironically, a few years ago I went through a bad patch after a long-term relationship break up and asked her if I should seek therapy. She said ‘God no, that would probably make you worse. You are feeling very normal emotions of loss and remorse, and you will get over them.’
Her blunt professional response (she deals with problems LOADS worse than anything I could imagine) pretty much cured me on the spot.
One thing I would say – she deals day in and day out with very traumatic situations and that has got to have an effect. She literally gets called on to talk people down from buildings.
As far as the Cecil article: psychiatrists are different than psychologists so not sure that you can conclude much about psychologists from that. Psychiatrists are MDs (physicians; can prescribe medications) and psychologists are PhDs (in most places can’t prescribe meds). As a female physician myself, I have heard before that female physicians have a higher suicide rate - seemingly due to the stress of the profession, as well as physicians having a better idea of how to effectively kill themselves than the general population does.
I do think that it is true that people who have issues with depression and mental health are often attracted to mental health professions, just as someone who had cancer as a child might be more likely to become a pediatric oncologist. It’s also possible that those who work in mental health are more open about their true feelings than others because they’re used to talking about that stuff and not as affected by the stigma on mental illness.
If you think that your psychologist’s job is to make you happy then you are wrong. Have you ever been to a hospital and seen medical staff smoking cigarettes? Have you ever been to a meeting or training or lecture with an audience full of teachers who are goofing off? Have you ever heard of someone who works in the field of religion behave in a way that is not exactly religiousl/ethical? Your sample size is small, your generalizations are ridiculous, and your expectations are unfair. Human beings are human beings.
I guess this has me questioning what a psychologist’s role is, then. Of the very small sample size that I mentioned, one doesn’t deal with patients, and the other deals with very troubled (ie schitzophrenic) patients.
+1 to SanVito. A psych’s job is to treat mental disorders. Making people happy is not necessarily the same thing.
If I take an antidepressant, the purpose is not to make me “happy.” It is to normalize my mood so that I can function without pathological depression. No one is actively “happy” all the time.
I will have to disagree that no one is actively happy all the time. I know people that are. I’m working on becoming one of them. Not a lot of people know about that, but I’m a little surprised that mental health professionals don’t know about it.
I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology - and when I was at the university, it was quite obvious that many of those who immediately continued on with a Masters and Doctorate in Psychology were usually the most fucked up people, trying to use their degrees to solve their own problems. A combination of getting a degree and free therapy at the same time. Much like the pastry student who also loves eating pies and cakes.
We would joke when we saw some roaring nutcase in class that they were destined to get a PhD in Psychology and be teaching this class in a matter of years.
Quite seriously - many of my professors had some major issues going on, so it comes as no huge surprise that this field of study does have a large share of unhappy people.
But as mentioned above, the point of getting psychological help is not necessarily to make you jolly. Therapy is mostly centered around helping people overcome problems and issues that interfere with their day-to-day life and well-being. Psychologists can really help kids and adults who might be going through some rough times and need help that nobody else can provide for them. I have seen it work wonders and bring people back from very dark places and help them start over.
My favorite analogy is that psychologists are a lot like physical therapists. Their skill set is working with people whose brains are fucked up to help them get less fucked up and functioning better. Some people make full recoveries, some get a lot better but still have to manage their issues, some people are never going to be able to live normally but can at least become more functional in some areas. Psychologists have some of the same skills as a personal trainer, as well - they can help people who are out of shape get into shape, and most people can benefit from spending time with one even if there’s nothing particularly broken.
Expecting a psychologist to make their patients consistently happy is like expecting a physical therapist to send the majority of their patients to compete in the Olympics. That’s not what they’re trying to do. And really, this is where the analogy breaks - once someone’s mind is working well, happiness is then up to them. There’s no known therapy that will make people happy with their lives.
There is nothing wrong with not “being happy all the time.” Happiness is an emotion–a construct–just like any other emotion. No emotions or mood states are inherently bad or good–they just are. And they are temporary and fluid. In fact, you are probably setting yourself up for disappointment, failure and even more despair if you strive to “always be happy” because it is not humanly possible. Nor should it be. The people you believe are “always happy” are likely either showing you what they want to show you, or they are a steady middle ground wherein they don’t have noticeable mood fluctuations in either direction.
I’m actively content most of the time. I don’t go around yahooing or cheering and I am very serious and reserved most of the time but a smile is always near. Why not? Life is good. I have risen to its challenges and met them.
Being actively happy all the time might be exhausting, depending on how you’re defining happy.