I am finding it difficult to put into words why I am generally satisfied with life and the world.
It is a blend of indifference and faith (in technology and political evolution)
And the beliefe that the world only appears to get worse - it always has and it always will, it actually doesn’t get worse it gets better.
Nothing really matters.
Rage/frustration/worry seem to be limited resourses, eventually we just ‘run out’ things that would once have enraged us now have no effect - water off a ducks back or something.
I am sorry if I am not being much help, but there’s plenty of room below this post for better posts.
Worrying, for the most part, is a most unproductive human activity. It helps neither the worrier nor the worri-ee. By and large, most of what we worry about never even happens, and then we find that we have wasted our precious time and energy worrying when we could have spent it on so many other things.
I am concerned about a number of things, but I no longer worry about them. I take my concerns and then I take action. I make, I do, I work, I persevere.
to expand on what vivalostwages said : If you are wondering “So why do we worry?”.
Well it used to be beneficial to our survival to focus on the negative and actively seek out that information which will worry us. But that is no longer necesary, so worry is a leftover of our cave-man days, something we don’t need in our lives but is unfortunately still there.
If we can keep reminding ourselves that all we are doing is focusing on the negative then perhaps the negative will seem less important
Specifically to the problem of excessive worrying, is this an issue that is affecting the rest of his/her life in a major way? If so, your young Doper friend may choose to ask his/her physician about anti-depressants.
Worry can be cyclical. When you start to worry about worrying, then it can be a never-ending battle.
As to the problem of being happy and satisfied, I’ve found that the more I focus on the good things in my life, the less room there is for the negative thoughts to take over. As I have become more grateful for my blessings, I’ve naturally become less negative. I like me much better this way!
I hope this helps, NCB. It’s a short shot before I toddle off to bed.
I’ve seen so much fall by the wayside. I’ve had dreams crumble and seen affairs of the heart take truly cruel turns. And I’ve lost people to senseless early deaths.
And I’m still here. I had a wonderful Denver Omelette this morning that it was entirely beyond the power of The Evil Bitch From Hell Who Ruled My Life 30 Years Ago to deny me. In fact, I have no idea what’s become of her.
I sometimes forget, momentarily, and let my corporado existence take over. But I can drop back a step or two and see that there’s a me that’s independent of a lot of that which worries many of us.
Book: "Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff"
is a must read for anyone who is feeling overwhelmed by worry.
The Author is Richard Carlson . I have re-read it many times, it’s an easy read, with mini-chapters of a page or two. You can actually feel yourself understanding people and life in a lighter and more gentle way, and get new perspectives on dilemmas…which easy-goingly may turn into non-dilemmas.
You don’t need to be an excessive worrier to benefit from this book,
it’s an “everybody” book. Check it out!
And - Ruby spake it well…there are medicines to help minimize the awful throws of excessive worry; they help calm the mind.
Well, I’m a pretty high-stress, anxious person myself, so I might not be much help to your friend, NCB, but I have found a few things that help me calm down when my knickers are all in a twist (hah! wordplay!) :
Take care of your body. Exercise is a great way to de-stress, and eating well, sleeping well, and generally taking care of yourself help avoid compounding mental stress with physical stress.
Have a sense of humor. There’s nothing surer to make a bad situation worse than letting it eat you up inside. Sometimes, you have to see the lighter side of things, and it can be damn hard, but if you can think of something that always makes you laugh, bring that to mind when you feel like crap. It really can help.
Appreciate the good things in your life. You may not feel like it, when you’re really freaked out, but there’s always something to be thankful for.
I also recommend relaxation techniques; things as simple as visualization. Just take a break. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, relax your muscles, and imagine yourself somewhere peaceful. Do that for a few minutes, as often as you need. It makes me feel worlds better.
Best wishes to Worried Doper, from one who knows how you feel.
-Kn*ckers
P.S.: As others have mentioned, you might consider talking with your doctor or a therapist, if nothing else helps. You could be suffering from an anxiety disorder, which is a chemical imbalance, and can be treated.
As hard as it is to believe, I think the good outweighs the bad in this world. I try to keep that in mind when I start stressing about all the bad stuff. Keeps me from throwing a rope over the rafters.
I worry about stuff all the time, yet I am still happy. I worry about money, mostly. I’m GLAD I worry about money because that is what motivates me to take actions to improve my money situation.
But I have the world’s best wife and a great family and some great pets, and I have lots of things to do I enjoy. I can have a shit day at work and no money in the bank, but when I get home I can kick back and watch “Most Extreme Elimination Challenge” with Mrs. RickJay, play with the cats, help reupholster the couch, and then zone out in front of my computer for a few hours. I have lots to look forward to and people to enjoy it with. And Kn*ckers could not be more right - you have to laugh, and laugh all the time. I find humor in everything. Sometimes I’ll break out laughing just remembering a funny old incident. Always laugh, always learn new jokes.
I think RickJay hit on something that’s occurred to me from time to time - I always have something to look forward to. I love going home to my family, I have a bunch of projects that I’m working on, and when I’m not working on those, I have other things I like to do like play music or ride my motorcycle. When I’m home I look forward to going on vacation. When my vacation begins to near it’s end, I look forward to going home. There’s always something. Of course there are a lot of things unfinished, but that’s another story.
To answer the OQ - in the 1960s, there were many ways. Many of them chemically induced. At the time they served well.
In the 1970s I agreed to keep a friend’s cat for 3 months while she went to summer school. I thoiught that would be the end of it; little did I know. The first one’s always free, but after that… I developed a serious cat addiction which has plagued me to this day.
Should I be searching for inner happiness instead of getting it from external sources, such as cats romping & doing silly things? Who knows, who cares, I’m too busy cleaning up the kitty litter.
Worry that doesn’t lead to action, that’s the problem. I would not be so quick to denigrate worry, or to prescribe medications as an answer. If you’re worried about something, try to figure out a plan to change it. If you’re worried about worrying, well, that’s a little deeper. Go do something you really enjoy, go for a walk, meditate, take tai-chi classes; try stuff before you reach for the meds. IMHO we’re too quick to try to solve things by popping a pill.
Accentuate the positive & so forth. Sounds facile. Sounded a lot more facile when I was a lot younger & folks said that to me. But there’s value in it.
Just a little advice from James Taylor and Mud Slide Slim:
I’m gonna cash in my hand and pick up on a piece of land
and build myself a cabin back in the woods.
Lord, it’s there I’m gonna stay until there comes a day
when this old world starts to changing for the good.
Now the reason I’m smiling is over on a island on a hillside in the woods where I belong.
I wanna thank Jimmy, Jimmy, John, Nick and Laurie, the No Jets Construction
for setting me down a homestead on the farm, whoa, ooooo.
Live in the moment. Like the wise John Lennon said, life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. Enjoy yourself right here, right now.
Have fun. Play. Eat candy. Don’t grow all the way up. Be easy on yourself.
Get a copy of “Desiderata” and keep it where you can see it. Forgive other people.
Live simply and thoughtfully. Decide what is important to you.
When I was about 26, I started developing chest pains. From stress. And worry. My doctor suggested I talk to a therapist, and since nothing else including meds worked, I did.
He was a very nice man, put me at my ease immediately. He listened very carefully to everything I said, and always thought about it before he responded. I am happily reminded of him every time I read a post by Zenster or Phlosphr.
He told me: “I would like you to write down all the issues you are concerned about. They do not need to be in order. Think about each one. While you are thinking about each in turn, ask yourself: ‘Can I do anything about this right now? Can I improve the situation?’ This will help you prioritize. After all, if you can’t change it, and can’t improve it, why worry about it?”
I thought he was nuts at the time, but he was right. The chest pain eventually went away. If I can’t do anything about it, is it really worth having those chest pains wake me up at 3am? No.
