My sister says: Put random items into other people’s shopping carts at the grocery store. If they ask you what you’re doing, say “I thought you might need this.” Especially if it’s a really skinny person and you’re adding a box of doughnuts to the cart.
She just added another: Go shopping from other people’s carts, saying “I was looking for this.”
Also: Barter with them. “I found the Froot Loops. I see you found Captain Crunch. Can I trade you?”
More grocery fun: Rearrange the cereal aisle, moving all the crap sugar cereals to the top shelf, pushed way back from the edge, and all the healthy cereals at kid eye level. If anyone looks at you funny, tell them it’s Sanity in Marketing day and hand them a box of Shredded Wheat (without the frosting).
Doc, I think I love you!
When you get in the elevator, don’t turn around; stand facing the rear wall, with your back to the door.
Men only: talk to other men in the bathroom. Especially strangers. Especially if you say “Hey, how’s it hangin’?” while you’re standing at the urinals.
Apologize to all of your food before you eat it.
Do not tell a single lie for a whole week.
Douse yourself in fake blood. Go to Home Depot. Calmly inquire as to which saw would best cut through bones. Ask about shovels too.
Buy a six pack of Coors. Ask the cashier “This will kill a werewolf right?”.
At a wedding, stand up and make the toast “I give it a year!”
Do something nice to a masochist.
The true Sadist is the guy who ties you up and doesn’t beat you…
Ask strangers if they would “like to smell my ears?”
Stand in front of Wal-Mart with a buggy full of old stuffed animals and try to get people to adopt them – make sure you warn them the animals are “not house-broken.”
Stop and have conversations with mannequins at the mall – ask their opinions of your purchases.
Run into a Starbucks out of breath and ask out loud:
“What’s the date today! What’s the date!?”
When someone responds “Febuary 2nd” look frustrated and ask loudly:
“No the year! What year is it!?” and run back out in a panic.
the cake is a lie
Speak only in anagrams
or crossword clues.
Some of these things remind me of Robert Fulghum’s essay on Players
On the hotest day of the summer. Put on golashes wrap yourself in plastic wrap. Put on your rain coat grab your umbrella. Then run around town and bable about how bad it’s raining.
That should convince people that you are crazy
˙spɐǝɥ s,ǝldoǝd ɥʇıʍ ʞɔnɟ ʎllɐǝɹ oʇ 'uʍop ǝpısdn ǝɔuǝpuodsǝɹɹoɔ ɹnoʎ llɐ ǝdʎʇ
I really, really want to know how you did that. Because it would irritate the hell out of my cops if I entered all their calls this way.
If I sneeze whilst driving my car (with a passenger*) I always turn on the windshield wipers.
*It’s not as much fun if you do it without a passenger.
I’m not sure I understand this – odds are, if someone’s looking up toward the sky, there’s something up there that deserves to be looked at, ergo others to do. As such, I don’t see how this is a bad thing…
For good road fun, I lean my seat & headrest waaay back, close my left eye (while keeping my right eye open) and pretend I’m totally zonked in broad daylight. It helps to swerve the car in a lazy fashion too. The look on other drivers faces must be priceless.
For bonus points, if you have a passenger, have him pretend to be totally out too.
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Walk around with a hammer at work, point to a random spot in the drywall, and yell out incredulously, “Who the hell filled in this hole?!” Look around indignantly, then smash a big hole in the wall. (warning: this will be your last day of work)
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Go to a convenience store, and place a cup at the counter labeled, “Have $5? Give $5. Need $5? Take $5.” Bonus: Prime it with a fiver.
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Traveling with a business partner you can’t stand? Cut out the shape of a gun, from aluminum foil, and put it in his travel-on luggage before you go through security.*
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Dress up like a cowboy and start trick-or-treating. In July.
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Keep a dog whistle in your car. When you’re stopped behind someone on the road, say at a red light, and you see they have a dog as a passenger, roll down your windows, and start blowing like CrAzY! Hilarity ensues.
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Write an email to someone, and say what you’re really thinking in parentheses. Example:*
Hey john (douche bag),
Just got your email about going out friday (as if that’ll ever happen). I can’t make it, I have something else going on that night (like going out with people no where near as boring as you). Rain check? (fuck off).
regards (eat me),
-kev
- Buy a six-pack of soda. Punch a discreet hole in the bottom, and drain out all the pop. Fill it up with milk, or maybe a distasteful fluid like olive oil, then caulk up the hole. Put in fridge at work, then sit back and see if anybody bites.*
*Yes, I’m mean as hell.
It’s not a bad thing as such. It was an experiment. Somebody was deliberately looking and pointing at nothing, to see if he could get other people doing it.
Yup. It’s love.
With a highly honorable mention to cmyk and several all around.
I just love Dopers!