No. 100% heterosexual does not equal even 1% homophobic.
I am not even slightly attracted to women, and would not knowingly have sex with one (not that there’s anything wrong with that). But if I had any kind of sex with a guy who later turned out to have female parts . . . I would be quite upset about it.
Now, does that make me heterophobic?
If two people are attracted to each other and it’s going to be a one night stand, should they reveal their religion? What if one’s a jew and the other muslim?
I hope this is a little later in the relationship, because that mighty be pretty heavy on the first date.
I don’t think transgender people should be expected to give details into what could be some of the most difficult times of their lives for a hook up or such. If they enter into a deeper relationship I’d hope they’d their history might be revealed but even then it depends on the people involved not all relationships are the same.
In my perfect world I’d hope it wouldn’t matter. If they loved each other it shouldn’t effect the relationship.
The poster actually wrote he was repelled by the idea of kissing or touching another guy. That sounds pretty homophobic to me, considering at the time of kissing and touching he was supposedly enjoying himself very much (as per hypothetical).
I’m not gay (and have had the opportunity to verify that fact quite thoroughly, much to my dismay at the time :p), but kissing or caressing a guy doesn’t seem like a huge disgusting problem to me - done it, enjoyed it. You don’t have to be turned on sexually by someone to appreciate tenderness from them. And if you are turned on sexually, why and how does their gender matter, exactly ?
Having sex with someone and discovering their gender afterwards ? How is that even possible ? And even accepting the possibility, if you were attracted to the person, and enjoyed the sex, why would you be pissed off ?
“Who’s at the door?”
“It’s a salesman.”
“God, you’re incredibly dumb!”
If it looks like a chick, acts like a chick, and has all the right parts, even if altered by surgery rather than grown naturally, what do I care?
That said, unless the art of penis/vag construction has advanced, I think if we get down to business, I’m going to notice something is very wrong.
But really guys… If you’re in bed with a man because he is now a she and is totally hot, you aren’t attracted to men. You are attracted to hot chicks, as per normal. Same thing for the ladies, only reversed. Having sex with someone your same sex genetically, but who looks precisely like the opposite sex is 100% hetero. Not that that should matter so long as you are both havin fun.
So, imo, nope. Nothing needs to be said. All I would ask is that she don’t surprise me with a penis, which I doubt would happen.
Well, one would think it would be just plain courteous to do so.
Then answer panache45’s question. He, a gay man, say he’s not into the idea of having sex with a woman at all, and if he were to have sex with a person he thought was a man – let’s assume here he got a BJ to avoid the “how could you NOT know?” comments – and then discover this was a F2M transgendered person, he’d be upset. He asked you if this made him “heterophobic.”
This seems like the best analogy to me. If I’m out for a hookup, why should I care that my date is married. Doesn’t affect me, I’m attracted to him, he’s up for it - all should be good, right? But it isn’t.
If I find out later my partner was married, or was born a different gender than I believed them to be when we had sex, (or possibly any of a number of other scenarios), I’d feel betrayed. Which may be one reason I’ve never done the hook up thing…
Unless you’re doing a pants check on every woman you meet, you really have no way of knowing how many transexuals out there are completely passable. Because if they’re completely passable, by definition, you’d have no idea that they’re a transexual.
This is a pretty broad question, but if forced to give a “yes” or “no” answer to the exact question in the thread title then I’d say “no”. As Ro0sh said, in most cases it would be NICE to share this information, but I wouldn’t say it’s a moral necessity.
If two people are in a serious relationship then it would be a problem to hide a major part of one’s personal history, but when it comes to casual encounters I don’t think one should expect to learn much about the other person’s past first. If that bothers you, don’t have sex with people you don’t know very well. If the transgendered person is such a successful post-op that their casual sex partner couldn’t even tell once their clothes were off then I don’t see that the transgendered person has a particular obligation to bring the subject up. If asked they should be honest though, and they shouldn’t deliberately deceive their partner by saying things like “Don’t worry, I’m on the Pill!” (That may be technically true, but it’s misleading.)
Now, I agree with Broomstick that the moment when clothes are coming off is not the best time to spring a surprise on your partner. That kind of thing tends to spoil the mood. If the transgendered person’s anatomy is not what their partner is going to expect, it’s both kinder and wiser to tell before they show. But I don’t see this as a real ethical issue either way. The other person is about to find out one way or the other.
Now this makes me curious how you can put your penis inside someone and not know they are a transsexual. I mean I know some guys are just THAT insensitive but still. I dunno how good the surgery is, but do they get full kegel control out of if and everything?
This kind of makes me want to find a nice transgendered woman to sleep with just so I can know the difference.
That being said, I’ve always been VERY good at spotting trannies. My friends used to play a game and have me spot them for them at the drag bar.
Back in the day, I might have gone along with it even if they still had the penis if I was that into them, but it never happened to me so I don’t know. I’ve never seen a tranny that convincing. I might be turned off by the feeling of deception though. Like if you think you are getting one thing but really you’re getting another.
If you’re in a serious relationship and you don’t know then there is something deeply wrong with both people in that relationship. I like to think I am fairly intimate with the inside of a vagina, and there are features that I’d be looking for. Do they model a cervix? Does it have the ridges on the top? I mean seriously, how in depth do they go into this whole thing?
Question–what if it’s an individual with androgen insensitivity syndrome? That is, XY chromosomes but looks completely like a woman? Does that individual have an obligation to say “I have a Y chromosome” even though they’ve never identified as a man and even though no one would be able to tell?
I’ve never been really clear on the exact definition of “Xphobic”, since it seems to me it both can apply to conscious bigotry/hatred and the kind of innate, involuntary yucks one gets from insects. And in any case, I doubt heterophobia would be the correct term - I’d dub him gynophobic rather than flat out heterophobic, I suppose, since he doesn’t have a problem with heteros having sex, but with women. Which I find… well, bizarro I suppose. He comes out as defining his sexuality by those he isn’t attracted to. E.g. : I’m not attracted to every woman I meet, does that make me less than 100% straight ? And if I wasn’t attracted to any woman at all, would that automatically make me gay ? Whatever, whatever, I digress too much.
But to me, one thing is clear : if he gets a BJ from someone he thought was a guy from “Hello” to “uMPH”, enjoys the BJ, cums like a firehose and then learns hours, days or months later that surprise he used to be a she, it’d be pretty hypocritical of him to be all “Aaaah, but I’m not attracted to you in the slightest, and had no interest in having sex with you ! You gave me cooties !” after the fact.
It’s just like **CutterJohn **said : if he’s attracted to someone who looks like a dude, walks like a dude and quacks like a dude - he’s attracted to a dude. He’s still gay, he can relax, safe in his weirdly opposite-defined gender role or sex ID or whatever :).
suspicious Have you been watching House re-runs ? 
I would be curious if everyone’s answers would be the same if we were talking about people who were born not looking either completely like a male or female. There are intersexed [Wiki entry contains some NSFW images] people born with ambiguous genitals. The parents of many intersexed children have them undergo surgery while young to make their genitals look more typically male or female, but there’s an increasing belief that it’s better to let these children choose for themselves when they’re older. So it would be possible to hook up with an intersexed person who was “post-op” or one who was “pre-op/non-op”. How much is such a person morally obligated to disclose to potential sex partners?
You have to win some sort of prize for putting more words in my mouth than were there in the first place. It’s amazing that you seem to think you know so much about me, based on not much evidence at all.
Nice to know that I have a “bizarro” fear of women. Thank you so much for diagnosing this for me; I’m sure all the women in my life will be happy to know that I hate and fear them, in spite of all evidence to the contrary. I guess it all boils down to my “weirdly opposite-defined gender role or sex ID.”
Whatever, indeed.
Chill, buckeye. No need for the rising pitch defense.
I didn’t write that you were gynophobic and hated and feared women, I said that if I had to saddle your declaration with a -phobia (which I didn’t until **Bricker **intervened, and still don’t because as I said, -phobia is a term brandished about very much to describe a wide variety of behaviours), I’d go with gynophobia rather then heterophobia.
I also didn’t write that you *had *a weird, opposite-defined gender role or sex ID, but that’s what you came off as having, from the words of one post in one thread.
So get off that poor horse, will ya ? The nag ain’t done you no wrong, and it’s quite taller than required.
Ethical. Na. they should do it for their own safety. I’d be pissed off big time if I had hauled home what I though was a hot bimbo and it turns out there was an extra dick in the game. Although, of course, I’m a peaceful and loveable guy. Other may not be.
I also question a person’s right to take up any random gender and insist everybody else should acknowledge that or be damned. If you have a dick you will always be a man to me - at least for sexual and intimate encounters, and it makes no difference if you call yourself Susan and put on lipstick.
Just to confuse the issue, when we are saying “transgender” does this mean those who have had, or are awaiting, sex re-assignment surgery, or transvestites as well?
As to the question of the OP, to quote a great philosopher about sex -
I’m guessing there are more people who would object to sex with transgendered people than there are transgendered people. Therefore, it would seem a matter of common courtesy to give prospective partners a chance to opt out rather than simply assuming they wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, care.
As I have mentioned in other threads, I have problems with the assumption that folks shouldn’t care about the genders of their sex partners. After all, if it shouldn’t make any difference to heterosexuals whether you get a blow job from a man or a woman, then it shouldn’t make any difference to homosexuals either. And therefore laws against homosexual behavior don’t really hurt anything. IYSWIM.
Regards,
Shodan
That’s not transgender, that’s transvestite.
There’s no confusion in terms whatsoever.
Transgender people are, for all intensive porpentines, the opposite gender from what life saddled them with at birth. That includes what kind of plumbing they now pack inside their dockers.
Those who are awaiting surgery are pre-op[erative] transgender.
People who dress and maintain the appearance of the other gender while keeping the original plumbing are transvestites.