It is obvious that some men will have a very negative reaction to a woman who still has (or had) a penis in terms of contemplating having sexual relations with that person. Does a transgendered woman (or man for that matter) have some sort of ethical duty to tell people about their status before engaging in sexual relations?
People have an obligation to reveal anything that might be relevant to such an encounter. If you’re to the point of being intimate with someone, they have a right to know. Same thing with communicable diseases.
I don’t understand the “ethical” reasoning behind it. So I’d go with no… probably not.
It’d be NICE to know, or a courteous maybe? But a moral/ethical reason? I couldn’t really think of one off the top of my head.
Now if they had an STD or something like that, then we’re talking on the same page.
Though it would be kinda dickish to reveal the information RIGHT AFTER the act (in my opinion), but :Shrug: I suppose if the TG person wanted to pursue a longer term relationship with said person, they should certainly factor that in, but if it’s just a one night stand thing and both parties are just in it for the sex…
Not so much.
If someone appears to be a particular gender and the relationship has moved to the point sexual relations are about to commence there is an obligation to mention non-standard equipment (such as a penis on a woman’s body, or a vagina on a male body) prior to disrobing to avoid rude shocks. I would also mention large, odd, or extensive birthmarks, scars, third arms, and other such things. Sudden appearance of very odd things can really wreck the mood.
If the transgender person has completely transitioned, such that his/her unclothed body would not cause comment, then perhaps full disclosure is not necessary. However, for long-term relationships this sort of thing is likely to come out sooner or later, and if later, there will be accusations of deception and the like. So perhaps revealing such a thing sooner is better than later.
In an ideal world people wouldn’t have to fear beatings or worse when revealing such things, but reality is not so gentle. I think a person has a right to defend him or herself by not mentioning something that could endanger them. On the other hand, there’s a lot to be said for not getting intimate with people you can’t trust not to hurt you.
It’s a difficult question.
Living in L.A. I’ve seen/met quite a few real-life transgendered people. Though some definitely do a better job of blending into their role as the opposite sex than others, sometimes even quite well, if after a few minutes of talking with such a person you really can’t tell… the problem is probably on your end.
I think a pre-operative trans person should let the other person know, not even just for ethical reasons but for their own safety. If someone is post-operative and just having a casual encounter, with no intention of entwining their life with the other person’s, then I don’t think they’re under any obligation to say anything.
Judging from my own experiences, I would bet that you’ve probably met more than you realise - and in some cases you really couldn’t tell.
If they were pre-op, I think I’d notice; if they were post-op I don’t think I’d care.
Yes, I’m thinking of that news story recently of some policemen who revealed to a man that he’d had sex with a woman who used to be a man. The transgendered individual was then assaulted. It’s a frightening world.
I agree with Broomstick. It’s a difficult question, but I feel the answer is usually yes. If there is something that would likely alter a person’s decision to have sex with you, than you should tell them. Of course, this can be very dangerous.
However, if you’re trying for true intimacy rather than just phsyical thrills, it does seem necessary to tell your partner.
Rigamarole There are people of every conceivable gender variation at the Henri David ball each Halloween. They range from the easily spotted to the you-still-can’t-believe-it. I’ve met plenty of transpeople who pass easily.
Freudian Slit “Used to be a man”. not quite. She used to have a penis. She was never a man.
If you want to have sexual relations with your long lost sibling, and they don’t know of the blood ties, do you have an ethical duty to tell them?
Assume that both agree they don’t want kids and have no issues with abortion.
I would say the answer is a very strong yes, both for this question and the OP.
Uh… Yes.
Question should be “If you had sex with a girl then later she revealed herself as someone whom used to be a man, how would you react?”…
My friend was telling me a story recently whereas a guy saw a cute girl on the dance floor at a club, talked to her a bit through the night, and actually ended up making out on the dance floor. During this period of time his buddies knew damn well it was not a female and later revealed that information to him. Let’s just say he wasn’t a happy camper.
Honestly, if I were to meet or hang out a person whom used to be the opposite sex, I’d like to know… I’d be pissed to later find this out on my own. This is actually one of the reasons I’m so afraid of meeting the women here in Hawaii - it’s a common thing here and the trend of it is only growing with the more advanced medical technology. It’s quite scary to think about really.
I’d say yes, they do have an ethical obligation to inform the prospective partner.
I mean, anything else is intentionally deceitful, and in many ways a “bait-and-switch” type scam.
I have no sexual interest in men, and I’d be pretty perturbed if I got naked with what I thought was a woman, and out pops his cock. I’d be aggravated because 1) I could have declined gracefully if I’d have known earlier, 2) This dude thought it acceptable to go along with the ruse, and 3) I’d likely have been kissing and feeling up another man, which is something that I personally am repelled by, even though I’m not homophobic.
Essentially they’ve propositioned you for a homosexual act, and if that’s not your thing, you should know ahead of time, not get all the way to H-hour and find someone else’s penis ready for you.
(substitute hoo-ha for penis if it was a female-male transsexual)
I think anything that is applicable needs to be revealed, depending on what you are going for.
First of all above everything else, you have a duty NOT to represent yourself as something you aren’t.
For instance if I dated a woman and we both wanted a long term committed relationship and she “forgets” to mention she has 5 kids from a previous marriage, that isn’t right.
If I am $100,000 in debt and I marry someone without revealing this, it’s deceitful. You simply can’t fall back on the old excuse, “Well you didn’t ask.” OK you can use that excuse if your five years old, but pretty much it falls out of legitimacy after that age.
It’s what my mother would term a “Sin of ommison.”
I’d say yes, and not revealing it is roughly on par with not revealing to a partner that you’re married. It’s not something that puts them in danger, but it affects their ability to enter into the sexual relationship that they want to enter into.
God, some of you people are incredibly dumb.
Loved that you referred to a human being as “it”.
That’s good. The women of Hawaii–both trans and born female–are going to benefit greatly by you staying away from them until you grow up.
I agree with you. Pre-operative transwomen know to be cautious as hell in these situations. If a relationship progressed to a serious point, of course she’d tell her partner about her past, like anyone would. But there’s no ethical reason to in a one night stand situation where you never see each other again.
Yes, you are homophobic. And that situation would not happen. What would happen is a pre-op woman would do is give you a blowjob, never let her into her pants (I’m sure you are used to this with females anyway) and that would be the end of it. That may have been the case several times before with women with low standards in men you’ve met a club for a quickie–think about that for awhile.
Look, no transsexual is “tricking” any man there. If you go out to a bar or club looking to get laid and you go after some attractive feminine person for some quick sex and get that sex, there’s no bait-and-switch if she is a transexual. You both fulfilled each others needs and that’s the end of it. You know there are plenty of risks involved with going out looking to get laid, that’s why there are condom machines in the bathroom.
God, some of you people are incredibly dumb. There’s no prize at the end for having a high post count. Sometimes it’s best not to leave a comment.
I’m sorry, but could you explain this to me? The person you are calling homophobic said that he is not attracted to men and if he was getting undressed with someone who he thought was a woman and a dick popped out, he’d be upset because he doesn’t want to make out with or have sex with a man. How is that homophobic?
Moving thread from IMHO to Great Debates.
If they’re post op they don’t need to say a thing…especially if its a one night stand type thing.
Let me ask, does a man have to reveal he has a tiny, bent dick? Or does a woman have to reveal she’s wearing a full body girdle and she really has a sack of potatoes body and her tits drag on the floor? Or false teeth and a wig? What about hideous scars?
You take CHANCES when you “hook up” with someone randomly. Don’t get all high an mighty if you meet some chick (who you’re attracted to by the way) and later find out she was a he.
People lie all the time when hunting for a piece of a**…some really, really bad…others kind of meaningless. Buyer beware and all that.
Of course they should reveal a sex change if they’re gonna be dating you tho…just like they should reveal a prision record, being thousands in debt, being married, prior murders, health problems (especially mental) and scars over one inch.
I don’t think they have an ethical duty to do so, but I would think less of somebody that didn’t just because I would assume they don’t have much pride or self-esteem.
Why would you ever want to sleep with somebody that hates you? Even if their hate was based in ignorance or prejudice, is your need to get laid so strong you would sleep with somebody even if, further down the road, they would loathe themselves for it? Why would you ever want to sleep with somebody who may or may not want to kill you if they found out who you really are? Ok, maybe that’s not a good question, I can understand why you might want to (you think they’re hot), but why would you?
I think transgendered people have a really hard lot. I can’t imagine how tough it must be to live with a mind that doesn’t match your body, but I just can’t wrap my head around thinking “I’d better not tell this person my situation because they might want to kill me, but I’m still gonna have sex with them.”
It is very much the best thng to refrain from hurling insults at other posters outside the BBQ Pit.
Knock it off.
[ /Moderating ]