A friend of mine is a mortuary science major and she thought that it was absolutely hilarious when I told her that a special needs friend of mine had recently choked on a gummy bear and passed away.
I was absolutely floored by her reaction. Not only were we talking about a young person dying, but a special needs person who was one of the sweetest people I had ever known.
I then recalled an episode of South Park in which two undertakers are embalming Kenny and one of them says “You know, death is the least funny when it happens to a child”. Is there an element of truth to that? Do people in the funeral business typically have a sense of humor when it comes to death?
Since this is IMHO I’ll throw out an anecdote and say, yes this is my experience.
I knew a guy who grew up in a funeral home. His family literally lived on the second floor and his dad ran the place. They were freakin’ hilarious and joked around constantly - no topic verboten.
I spent the first attempt at college studying Mortuary Science, and worked part-time at a funeral home. While at work, there were many “insensitive” jokes said out of earshot of family members or other not in the field. While in class, there were many lectures interrupted by impromptu laughs to be had by somewhat innocent statements made by instructors, most little more than a Beevis and Butthead level.
After hours - Oh, my - the Morticians-in-training liked to drink. And the jokes would get worse and worse as we all got stiff.
Shared jokes, pictures and preferences might sound really disrespectful to us, but people who are around death all the time have to find ways to cope. That includes the police, those in the medical profession and morticians. Sometimes they forget it’s not an everyday occurrence to most of us, though. At my step-father’s funeral the director, who I was vaguely kin to and barely remembered, was describing his work to me with pride. He pointed out an until-then-not-seen clear square of plastic under my step-father’s head, to “catch the cranium seepage” I think he said. Interesting. But I did not need to know that. :eek:
I think it is sad about your friend dying, but, in all reality, there is a strong component of humor in it. Much of humor is based on incongruencies; something as innocuous as ‘death by gummybear’ fits right into the ‘hilarious’ category.
Death is horrible, so, making the best of it, per human nature, sometimes requires a good, hearty laugh. Especially, if it is someone else’s death.
You should hear the things medical residents and surgeons say out of earshot of patients.
To a point I think it’s an unavoidable coping mechanism. Taken to excess, it may indicate something disturbing about the person’s outlook (and certainly nothing of the sort should ever reach the ears of patients or family members).
For the sake of full disclosure, I should mention that I was joking with a pathology colleague yesterday about whether we had a two-for-one sale on cancer diagnoses (I had a case of a resection for tumor that resulted in unexpected diagnosis of a second malignancy).
Doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad for the patient.
As a doctor, I would agree that people who deal with death frequently often tend to use dark humor to cope.
I do think it is a bit insensitive to laugh about something like that in front of someone who knew the person though.
She’s actually very respectful and a wonderful educator about death (check outher episode after the Sandy Hook killings), but Caitlin Doughty, of the wonderful Ask A Mortician webseries, has a good sense of humour and a light take on death and also on what happens after.
Your friend, however, is a bit of an ass. I mean, you were talking about another friend of yours.