My in-laws are great. They are generous, kind, considerate, diplomatic, and all-around agreeable people. They’re the kind of parents that are around when you are lonely/want company, but leave you alone when you need the space. And the best part is, they are observant enough to KNOW for themselves- I don’t have to drop hints or say anything.
Unfortunately, my wife doesn’t get along with my parents quite so well. To a large degree this is because many of her parents’ strengths are my parents’ weaknesses. My parents have been divorced for many years, and remarried. My dad and stepmom live very far away, but never call. They never show a willingness to visit. When we were planning our wedding, they never offered to help (I get that they live far and all, but just an offer of ‘hey if you need anything we can help with’ would have meant a lot to me). After they saw the wonderful rehearsal dinner my mom planned and paid for, my dad sheepishly offered to pay half of it after the fact. My mom is generous but the kind of person that has to have everything her way/on her terms/when its convenient for her. Coming from parents that are proactively kind and flexible makes it tough for her to cope with the idea that my dad doesn’t really care what is going on in my life and is ambivalent when we come to visit. My mom also drives her nuts because my wife feels that my mom doesnt show the same flexibility and consideration she does.
Overall, though, its not too bad (yet… ) my wife is always very courteous and polite to all my family regardless of how much they bug her, and I really love her family because they are so proactively kind and generous with a kind of emotional currency my own parents are stingy with.
Nah, I like The Other Shoe’s parents well enough. His mom’s kind of a ditz, but sweet as can be, and she and I geek out on gardening talk and such a lot. His dad is … well, OK, his dad is somewhat of a smidge of an asshole, but in a nice way. Nicer than most people, at the very least, and he seems genuinely pleased with his son’s choice in spouses, so I let the little things slide.
I haven’t spoken to my mother in years, so it’s not like I expect Shoe to get along with my folks.
I’m not married anymore but when I was I got along with them extremely well and very much considered them family/friends. In fact, 2 years divorced, if I bump into one of them we’ll still end up talking like friends (that haven’t seen each other for 2 months) for 20 minutes.
I love my in-laws. I got along with them both very well. The treated me like one of the family from day one. They’ve both passed away and I miss them terribly.
Not really. My late MIL wasn’t that bad. That’s the best I can say. I do have BIL and SIL that are great family, not sure if that counts in this thread.
My FIL is a terrible listener, but a very nice and intelligent man and we get along well enough. I’m just more social than he is, and it can get awkward sometimes. My husband’s mother passed away years ago and I never knew her, but my FIL’s partner (I often call her my MIL for simplicity) is a wonderful, witty, funny woman and I enjoy spending time with her. I get along very well with her two adult children and my SIL has the cutest baby ever that I love spending time with.
My husband gets along really well with everyone in my family - while his family is relatively quiet and reserved, mine is a loud, boisterous mess and he used to find it overwhelming but he has gotten used to it. He considers my mom to be “his mother”, in that if he ever needed some motherly attention, she is who he would go to. My husband is good friends with my brother, and as my sister has grown up and matured over the past 12 years he’s becoming more friends with her too (and her husband just fits right in as well!)
Well, my mom was alive for the first two years of my marriage, and my dad for the first six, but they were both dying for that time so it was difficult. They really liked my husband and we all got along as well as we could under the circumstances.
My in laws lived a little longer; my FIL lived for about 12 years after my marriage amped my MIL for about sixteen, but they retired and moved to Florida and we rarely saw them. The hardest part was that my husband never seemed to care if he talked to them, and it never occurred to him to send birthday or anniversary cards. I would have to call, then hand him the phone. He never refused, and there was no estrangement, but he just never thought ofit. I know they thought I was discouraging him or something, because his mom would mention how his brother’s wife didn’t seem to want them to talk to him. I talked to her (his brother’s wife) and mentioned how frustrated I was with my husband, and she said her husband was the same way!
My dad died before I ever got married, but he liked my husband. My mom would adopt my husband if I didn’t marry him, and he likes her a lot as well.
I think his dad is a pretty loathsome individual (being previously physically abusive, now “just” verbally abusive, as well as not giving a shit about other human beings except for what they can do for him), and his mom refused multiple times to divorce him, even when physically brought to a lawyer’s office by her children, so she’s nice enough but didn’t protect her kids. So at best I have deeply mixed feelings about his parents, and he feels similar things.
My family-in-law are great. Even though the parents are JWs they still talk to us even though hubby was disfellowshipped and they’re not supposed to talk to people like that. The main problem is that his mother is scared to speak English because she’s afraid she’ll screw it up. So she doesn’t talk much in front of me. The father is not the same, he talks a lot. I’ve met the extended family and they are not JWs; they are Catholics. Who curse like sailors and know English very well. And they offer me pie a lot.
Unfortunately they haven’t met my family since his father doesn’t like to fly and they’re way across the country.
My family is all gone except for five cousins, four of whom my husband has met. They get along fine but they all live far away. He got to meet two uncles and an aunt before they died, too, so I am glad of that.
His family is great. Sometimes his mother drives me berserk, but she’s an awesome person.
My husband’s folks are very sweet people, but they’re often humor-impaired, so I have to suspend snark when around them in order to avoid hurt feelings. I admit, I have a marginally biting sense of humor, so I can’t blame them. Honestly, the main reason I dread visiting them is that they live in Florida in a retirement community, and I really hate the recitation of who’s dead, who’s dying, who moved… especially since I don’t know *any *of the people they talk about. Still, they’re kind, generous, and certainly in the top 1% of inlaws. (His brothers, on the other hand…)
My mom has come to really love my husband, even tho she heartily disapproved of our elopement. They get along OK, altho she can be a bit hard to take sometimes. She’s good with talking, but not so much with listening, unless he’s talking. hmmmmmm I think my dad was a little intimidated by my husband, tho I’m not sure why. But they got along, too, and my husband said some really nice things at Dad’s funeral.
Mil is awesome but too churchy. I can drink with her anytime. Fil is difficult. I never found any common ground. Very unthreatening conversations. Sil is very difficult. She lives with parent inlaws so if we visit then we visit her too. Almost enuff to make me not visit at all.
My in-laws represent the best and worst that can be (well, maybe not the worst. But their behavior varies widely). They will drop everything and drive close to two hours if our kids need something, or if one of us is sick and needs something. Completely selfless, and my kids love them. On the other hand, they have a tendency to offer advice when it’s not wanted; they live like paupers to their own detriment but have the means to be much more comfortable; they meddle, and often upset my wife. They drive me up a wall much of the time. We get along, but it helps that we don’t see them too often. I usually have to find my happy place when they’re around or we discuss them.
My parents are stable, don’t cause either of us any heartache, don’t meddle and are pretty easy-going, but they’re not the type to offer to help. If we ask them for help, they’ll agree but may make a comment that helping us means they won’t be able to do that social, fun thing they had been planning on, but then they’ll ask where they need to be and when. When we hang out, my wife gets along with them pretty well.
My inlaws and my parents are the same ages, but my parents are much younger and hipper, if that makes any sense.
I got along fine with her parents. She generally gets along fine with mine, though she doesn’t like the fact that they are always busy and often changing their plans. If her parents said they’d visit, they’d show up at the time they planned for. My parents have said they would visit us, then ended up going in the opposite direction. I can deal with that spontaneity, but my wife doesn’t like it.
I mostly get along with my in-laws. My mother-in-law is a sweetheart. My father-in-law (well, stepfather-in-law), on the other hand, is an abusive asshole, but he’s willing to help out if he’s needed. I’ve never been treated as anything less than a member of the family.
My husband’s in-laws, on the other hand, are a real piece of work. My mother can be emotionally unstable, which creates a lot of problems. The rest of the family is OK.
Well, they’re all dead now, but: I severely disliked my MIL and had no use for FIL. MIL was really mean to me before I had children, and then became ever so sweet. They were inconsiderate, and my FIL (actually step-FIL) was a self-centered bustard.
Everybody liked my mom. My dad, sometimes not so much.
Man, I would prefer in-laws that were hands off. Tell your wife she doesn’t know how good she’s got it.
Me, I get along fine with his parents. No one could get along with my mom, but now that she’s passed on, he and my dad are getting along OK. No lasting friendships will ever be formed, but neither of them are broken up about that.
) my wife is always very courteous and polite to all my family regardless of how much they bug her, and I really love her family because they are so proactively kind and generous with a kind of emotional currency my own parents are stingy with.
Nicer than most people, at the very least, and he seems genuinely pleased with his son’s choice in spouses, so I let the little things slide.